LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
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LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
The Warning Signs We Ignored Almost Cost Us Everything
The journey from marital bliss to the brink of divorce isn't a sudden leap—it's a gradual drift marked by subtle warning signs that many couples miss until it's almost too late. After celebrating 15 years together, we're pulling back the curtain on the year we nearly ended our marriage.
Small phrases can become relationship poison. For years, during arguments, I would say to Pierre, "Maybe you married the wrong person." Though I never doubted he was right for me, I questioned whether I was right for him. After a decade of hearing this, he began to believe it might be true. These seemingly innocent words created deep fractures in our foundation.
The emotional withdrawal was perhaps most telling. Physical touch, once a primary love language for Pierre, became uncomfortable. "I'm fine" became our mantra—a dangerous lie that masked deeper problems. Communication broke down to the point where every conversation felt like navigating a minefield—even simple questions about daily tasks could explode into conflict.
Our challenges were compounded by cultural differences as an interracial couple, the struggles of marrying young, and surrounding ourselves with people who normalized divorce. Pornography, criticism, and resentment further eroded our connection.
What saved us? Two critical elements: individually seeking God when we couldn't pray together, and professional therapy that helped us escape the conversation loops we couldn't break on our own. Our therapist knew our personality types and gave us practical tools to rebuild what was broken.
Today, we're passionate about helping others recognize these warning signs before reaching crisis point. If you're seeing these patterns in your relationship, there's still hope. We'd love to pray with you, connect you with resources, or simply be a listening ear as you navigate your own journey. Remember—even a marriage on the brink can be restored to something stronger than before.
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What's up y'all? Welcome to let's Dig the Podcast. My name is Pierre and you guys may not know, but my wonderful host, my bride, my partner, my main one, not even my first lady, my only lady. We're going to talk about that because people be saying first lady, I'm like you must have a second one. But y'all know my baby girl, my wifey. This is Danny Lee, which back in the days I used to call you little mama.
Speaker 2:That's true. Remember, call you little mama. That's true, remember, that was 18 years ago. Actually, I told you, if you kept calling me, that I might have to marry you, dang. That's crazy. That's crazy. And we just celebrated 15 years of marriage. But y'all, it hasn't always been good and we almost got a divorce. And that's what we're talking about today. We're going to talk about some of those indicators, some of those signs that were telling us hey, mayday, mayday. I always have Rip Free in my head, like you know how there's, like certain movie scenes, that just it is. You're going to laugh at this. It's Genie from Aladdin when he turns into a bumblebee and he's like Mayday, mayday, mayday.
Speaker 1:Mayday, mayday. I wasn't. I wasn't allowed to watch it because I was saved and sanctified. Bruh, it's.
Speaker 2:Aladdin, please. But anyways, there were signs in our marriage. There were things that were catching up to us and showing us that, hey, you are in serious trouble and you're really heading towards divorce. So that's what we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about those indicators and those signs that are saying that your marriage might be in trouble, and then we're going to give you some ideas and some recommendations, solutions to help you change the trajectory of where you're headed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, it was. You may actually be in a relationship right now and you starting to feel or sense tension. There might be some things right now in your marriage that you're like man, I don't know if I can live with this. Or maybe you're even dating right now and this might resonate with you where you're like man, I'm dating this person, but there's some things about this guy or some things about this girl that I just can't stand and deep down inside you know you can't live with it. So we're going to talk about some red flags, some indicators, but we're going to share really our story, some things that we gone through, what we encountered when we felt, man, are we about to get a divorce right now?
Speaker 1:And so if this topic today you're excited about it, hit. So if this topic today you're excited about it, hit that like, hit that thumbs up, hit that little heart, too, as well. If you're watching this on Apple, on Spotify, shout out to all of our let's Dig crew members. You guys already know why we are here. We are here to help you grow a deeper relationship with God, others and yourself. So if you're ready, let's dig.
Speaker 1:All right, let's dig. You know that year was interesting, so this was back in 2020. Um, the wall started closing in on us. So you know, at that point we've been married for 10 years and um I there were some small things about about us that literally started to rise up to the surface. There were like little um jabs that we would make at each other early on in our marriage that we would just brush off, but we would carry on like you would say this line. Every time we would argue, you'd say something like well, maybe you married the wrong person. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I did say that.
Speaker 1:I think that's a phrase that people say in marriage sometimes when you're fighting.
Speaker 2:I felt like you were the right person for me, you were the best person for me. You were the best person for me, but it didn't. I didn't feel worthy and I didn't have the identity that I do now to say that, no, I am the best person for you. So in those moments of tension and argument I'd be like, well, maybe you just married the wrong person.
Speaker 1:I never doubted it for myself, I doubted it for you yeah, it's interesting because I think you started saying that early on in our marriage, when we year one and two, three, when we get into some really ugly fights, yes, and you say that comment maybe you married the wrong person, yeah, and here we are 10 years later at this point where we're looking at the year that we're actually considering a divorce. Yeah, all I can hear is 10 years of you saying you married the wrong person.
Speaker 2:It's crazy. It like stuck to you.
Speaker 1:It stuck with me because I would actually convince myself that that was the truth. Maybe she was the wrong person.
Speaker 2:All because I put that idea in your head, because I threw that out there, because I let those words come out of my mouth to penetrate your mind and your heart, for you to actually start considering it in those rough seasons.
Speaker 1:I think what also, what also caused damage with a phrase like that is, even throughout the years, I would meditate on it and anytime you did things that I didn't like or there were characteristics about you that I wish were different, Right, and obviously I could have made the change in my. I could have made the change in myself. But why make the change in myself when my wife was telling me she's the wrong person?
Speaker 2:And listen y'all, a lot of it is uh, it's a trend of uh, of a phrase, of a type of wife and mom and it's called a type B mom. That's me, y'all. Like, I am not type A, I am not clean and organized, I am not structured, and that was literally a lot of the tension, Like I don't want to brush over, it was literally practical things of yes, I have a pile of clothes in my bedroom every week.
Speaker 1:And in your car.
Speaker 2:I don't have a pile of clothes in my car Are we talking now or then?
Speaker 1:Even then I didn't and in your bathroom Listen and on the bed and on the chair while I was trying to sit.
Speaker 2:There is a pile on the chair.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to sit here. Well, my clothes are sitting there.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to tell the people All right, go ahead. That it was very practical things. It wasn't deep like religious beliefs that we didn't see eye to eye. It wasn't like lifestyle choices. It was literally just like Danny Lee isms that were conflicting with Pierre isms.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's living together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's blending your life together.
Speaker 1:It's blending your life together. It's choices, and I think, too, like also when we first started dating and got engaged, we would fantasize and dream about things that we wanted to be for each other, and I wonder if there were things that like vice versa, that you, that you would want from me, like, for example, you like, for example, your love language, right Like one of your main love languages is touch, and when we first got together, like I, I'm just not a toucher.
Speaker 1:Right Right, don't touch me, right Right. Only person that could touch me is Jesus you know what I mean. And the Holy Spirit. You're like bro, why are you so churchy? He touched me, oh, he touched me. And now he touched me. Who touched me? He touched me.
Speaker 2:Why are you still going?
Speaker 1:But I'm like yo, why are you touching me though? So, but I remember you just like touching, you like cuddling, you like doing these things, and I remember thinking like man, this girl, man, she like a puppy right now, A little tiny little puppy.
Speaker 2:And I would tell myself that yeah, yeah sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course. Yeah, I'd come home and we'd fantasize to come home and we'd have long hugs and like we'd talk about it, but we never really like confronted, we never really like, really like, really faced it. And years down our marriage I would just stop because it wasn't me by nature and you held on to that deep down. Vice versa, there are things that I wanted from you that we would entertain each other. We just dream about things like that. So I think in the dating stage too, there's people that causes damage to their relationship by talking about the things that they want from each other without actual action steps and years down the road where those things don't get fulfilled, it's be like well, you always said you were going to be that for me, Just empty promises.
Speaker 2:After years and years and you're like I just thought you'd grow out of that. I thought you would grow up.
Speaker 2:I thought you would learn how to be more you know, responsible for your time or responsible with your money, Like you have these things that when you meet them as a dating couple, you give a lot of grace because love is blind and oh, it's fine. He doesn't really have any money, but it's fine. But then as you start to build a life together, you have requirements from each other that are needed to build a life together and if you don't follow through in what you said, you're going to do like you're going to have major problems down the road. So it's seeing those needs from each other and verbalizing those expectations.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's so true. That year, when we talked about man getting a divorce, I remember there were things like even touching was a thing that we at this point, didn't want anymore.
Speaker 2:Boy, if you touch me one time in the bed with your feet, I'm going to come out of this bed and I'm such a toucher.
Speaker 2:But in that season I, the I could not be far enough from you and it's, it's heartbreaking to think back to that season and it being so, um, different from my personality and from who I am when I'm in a healthy place and when we're in a healthy place. That is not my nature at all. My nature is very touchy. I want that comfort. I enjoy that. That is one of my biggest love languages. And so to think back of like, don't touch me, I'm fine. Um, another part of it was just being very like, um, I was fine with the anger and I was fine with the distance between us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm fine. Is an indicator that can, if not dealt with, can, lead to divorce or lead to separation or lead to a disconnect. Some people might say well Pierre, divorce is probably extreme, ok, let's start at level one. It might lead to a disconnect.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was very fine with the disconnect. I was very fine with you, do you? I'll do me and we'll be fine Like and I again, both of these uh topics and points of our relationship were very out of character for me. I'm not like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's. That's so interesting, because saying I'm fine is actually a lie.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean even even things like this. We were, we'd be sitting down together and one of us would say what are you thinking about? To say nothing? That's a lie.
Speaker 2:We do that all the time, guys, so in our relationship and are actually in our family. When there is silence uh, you started it actually when we were dating, I think but he would always say what are you thinking about? And we even use it now with our kids, like when they're really quiet, we'll say what are you thinking about? Um, and it just opens that opportunity to actually say where is your headspace, what is your mind spending time on, and it gives a very good open door to collect all my thoughts, my dreams, my vision, everything that I saw and felt at night.
Speaker 1:And the things that God is putting on my heart. So I'm actually always thinking about something, and it's not heavy things, it's not like man. That guy is heavy burdened with his thoughts. No, it's just. I'm just thinking about small things. I'm checking things off my list, right, you know even small things. That's like, hey, I need to finish thinking about that.
Speaker 2:That's crazy to me. You'll be like, oh yeah, I'm going to think about that tomorrow.
Speaker 1:He'll set times. I haven't thought about it yet.
Speaker 2:To think about something.
Speaker 1:You're like no, let's think about it. Right now I just I can't what I'm thinking about because I'm going to talk to you about it, I heard it, I heard it, the neighbors heard it.
Speaker 1:The neighbors heard it, the enemy heard it, I'm on a roll. But so I started that because it was like I know if someone asks me like what I'm thinking about, I could tell them that year was a lot of like nothing. Yeah you good, I'm fine, like we got content with just being fine. I think those are indicators that somebody or a couple is on the verge on on like they're on the journey to a disconnect, to separation and even a divorce. That year we felt that you know what I'm saying, for sure, I think.
Speaker 2:Another thing I remember back then was that there were no conversations, topics, questions that were safe, like I could not just ask you about what are you doing tonight, or what's your plans for tomorrow, or what do you have on your schedule, or did you pick that up from the store or did you go do that I?
Speaker 2:there was nothing that I could say to you that I knew. No, that won't end in an argument. It felt like everything could be an argument If I asked you if you brush your teeth this morning. I felt like it could be an argument.
Speaker 1:You ever play that game, minesweeper.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's literally what it felt like, because no one knows how to actually play the game. You just hit the buttons randomly and then it's a bomb.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:There's no rhyme or reason to the game, right.
Speaker 1:I mean, I was pretty good at it.
Speaker 2:But I was stupid. Anyways, anyways but yes, that's what it felt like, of like I could ask him what he wants for lunch tomorrow or today, and it may end up in a bomb.
Speaker 1:Why I got to pick what we eat for lunch tomorrow. It it was just like what it.
Speaker 2:It was honestly. It was so draining and so stressful to overthink, to like be nervous, to bring up a topic or approach something, or we got to figure this out, we have to make a decision together, like. I hated that feeling of like, oh, here we are, we're gonna fight again. That's crazy. It was terrible that's crazy.
Speaker 1:Um, let me pause real quick. I want to hear what you guys think like. What are you guys going through right now for those that are in marriages, for those that are, let's say, you're dating, you're dating somebody and there's some indicators, there's some signs, there's some things that you're just like man. This doesn't feel right Because, at the end of the day, we all have choices to make. Right, you may have been like, you may have picked someone to be your wife, to be your husband, and you feel like man. Did I make a wrong choice? Perhaps, but there's still ways to reconcile. There's still ways to restore.
Speaker 1:Both parties need to make a decision because, at the end of the day, man, we are always making decisions. You have to decide whether you go left or whether you go right. So, if your partner, you're saying I picked the wrong partner, maybe, but you can actually still honor that relationship by both you guys. Come into agreement and make new decisions together. But I want to hear like from you guys, like, like, obviously, write us back. Comment.
Speaker 1:If you guys are even liking this conversation, like, hit that, like, um, share this. Send this to somebody right now that you feel like needs to hear this. Send this to your partner Only if your partner has come to agreement where they're like hey, we want to talk about this, we want to work this out, but at the end of the day, both people have to make a decision. Here we are again with the decision to stay in the ring, like you can't fight somebody that's out of the ring. You can't fight someone that said, no, I don't want to go to therapy, no, I actually I don't want to talk. Right, that was a year where we both was like we would hash it out.
Speaker 2:We would argue, and we?
Speaker 1:didn't like that feeling of just being fine, I mean even our sex life, which was crazy. I'm gonna say this right now I'm not gonna say nothing while relax relax. Come on, I've been purified, all right. I've been washed from the inside, okay, right. What I'm saying is our sex life actually didn't change. We was actually still having good sex that year. But I'm just gonna put this out there it's because your boy was still initiating.
Speaker 1:Because us guys we see sex differently. That's true, right. I'm not saying I'm not saying it was healthy, right, right it was still present.
Speaker 1:Because there were times where actually I had to repent, because I'm going to say this right now on recording you weren't always the one on my mind Dang. Sometimes there was nothing on my mind. Sometimes someone else might have triggered my thought that day. Right, sometimes it was like, oh, I see her, I see you, I see you, I want to have sex with her. No, it was other things that was getting in me that year. Matter of fact, another thing that also almost led to divorce was I was hanging out with people that was divorced. I was hanging out people that was having divorce parties, people that was celebrating divorce.
Speaker 1:So after spending so much time with people like that and then seeing other things, other women, all these other things that triggered my mind, I'd come home and say, all right, we, we, I still wanted to have sex. So ultimately, it wasn't healthy, it was all unhealthy, it was toxic, it was dysfunction, it wasn't pure.
Speaker 2:It wasn't what God intended it to be. But I think that's a really big point of like who are you hanging around? Like who are your people and what are they doing? What does their life look like? Because who you run with is who you become, and if you're running around with a bunch of divorcee people, you're going to become divorced. If you're running around with cheaters, you're going to become a cheater, because your friends are telling you it's fine, it's not that big of a deal, oh, I didn't want to do it, but I ended up doing it. Like they're going to help you justify everything that you do. Like I want to be around people that actually make me want to be a better person. I want to be around people that help me grow and become all that God's called me to be, not to justify my sin or make sin or make me comfortable in it. I want to be around someone who makes me uncomfortable in my sin and that I can't sit here and stay the same.
Speaker 2:I think another thing that I really want to talk about is like in a marriage and it wasn't necessarily for ours, but it became a feeling that I had but it's that constant criticism, Like when it comes from one partner or another. I don't think you intentionally constantly criticize me, but because we were in an unhealthy place, it's actually all I heard and it made me like have lack of confidence, lack of self-esteem. I didn't trust myself in anything that I was doing because all I thought was that you were just going to criticize me and I know that wasn't your intention, but it it plays a part when our, when our bond is healthy or unhealthy, and so in those seasons when it was unhealthy, all I heard, whether you said it or not, but all I could hear was criticism and I know it's come that back way to you as well, Like come back to you in the sense of oh, you hear me is criticizing you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, you were. I don't think you were. You actually weren't criticizing me you kept on reminding me that maybe I had the wrong wife. So, with that being said, let me critique you into the right wife.
Speaker 2:Dang, that's crazy.
Speaker 1:See the connection.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:It was all wrong. It's all jacked up, yeah, and it's not, and so it wasn't. You weren't criticizing me, right, it was me critiquing you. That's crazy.
Speaker 1:You were making me think maybe you were the wrong wife. So it was like, well, how do I make you the right wife? Which it was all wrong. Yeah Right, you know it's crazy man just to really think about it and process it like what that year was like the walls were closing in on us. There's a lot of things that led us to that point. You know. Even porn played a role in that, because I wasn't set free from porn that year yet. So it's just little things. Here and there it was. Somebody said well, that was a small addiction, small, big, large it was. Was I able to function?
Speaker 1:Most men struggle with this and they all have different issues. Some of them are like man, I can't stop, I all, I do, everything I do. I have two phones, I'm hiding, I'm secret every single day, or others were probably more like me can go several days without ever looking at anything, right, sometimes weeks, and then one week is one day, two days, three days, and it's little things. So watching porn hurts marriages, absolutely. It hurts marriages because it's like, oh, I'm looking at all these girls here in this video or in this thing or in this picture.
Speaker 1:You know there's all these types of apps you. You know Instagram is in your face, right, and the algorithms, right. You know TikTok I had to get off a TikTok group. I'm like all these girls twerking on here. There was other apps like Pinterest. You see stuff on Pinterest.
Speaker 2:You see stuff on Tumblr. I had never seen Pinterest look like what I saw your Pinterest look like like not intentionally by you, but the the algorithm. I'm on pinterest. I didn't even know that stuff was on pinterest. Yeah, most women don't know that anything is on pinterest like that.
Speaker 1:So that year it was all these little things, and so, even when we were having sex those nights, there was all these other things throughout the day that triggered that, that that initiated it, which was causing a separation, a disconnect between you and I, because I was no longer pursuing you that year Like our marriage was. It was challenged that year, man.
Speaker 1:It really was, and I think another thing that really hurt us personally and we've talked about this other episodes was, I think, getting married really young. I think I wouldn't. I wouldn't recommend anybody to get married like as as children and when I say children I'm not talking about, like you know, 12, 13. I'm talking about like still in your formative years, like 18, 19, 20, 21. People do it, we did it and we made it through, but the odds, the stats are against, because it's like I'm still a boy.
Speaker 2:We're completely different people than who we were at that age. Yeah, Like it's crazy that we actually made it through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, like you know you're dating a guy that you don't even know his work ethic yet. Right, you know, luckily for me, you know you're like you're dating a guy that you don't even know his work ethic yet you know, luckily for me, you did in that in that category. But there's other things I didn't know about myself, like and then like not realizing there are so many different things. That wasn't developed in us, even our culture understanding. I didn't really value where I came from. Yeah, you didn't even like like fully own where you came from. Yeah, you didn't even like, uh, like fully own where you came from. Right, you was constantly trying to take on new cultures and just adopt wherever you were. You became that.
Speaker 2:I just yeah.
Speaker 1:And then in the middle, five years, in like five, six, seven, and then hit year 10, here we are. We're like man. We're very different. I never adopted anything about your background. You never adopted anything about my background. So for us personally, like I think, our culture differences man being an interracial couple is hard. Let me say that right now for people that just like are interested in dating outside of your race. I'm not going to tell you to not do it, I'm just going to tell you it's work, because there's some things that are just different about you that you don't know until you bring in kids into the picture, until the holidays come back around. There are certain things, like certain political things, national holidays can be triggering. There might be months of the year that's important to one and the other. One could care less about it. There's just a lot of those differences. That being an interracial couple bringing in biracial kids into this world, bro, that thing hit us hard. That evening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I always say and I've talked about it in these other episodes one thing that my mom did so well with me when I was dating you and considering to marry you and date you seriously and she said like, hey, marriage is hard no matter what, but marriage with a different culture background is even harder. And she said you can choose to do this and we'll support you and we love you and we think he's a great guy and you know like it's, we'll be here for you, but know that it is an extra layer of challenge because of the culture differences.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. What are some things that that are like some clear, like a list of like clear just indicators, flags, like things that if you're experiencing this in your relationships, that beware that you're, you're in danger like your relationship.
Speaker 2:I'm just going to hit a few of them. One lack of communication Like this, like we talked about, like everything was a fight, we could not have communication.
Speaker 1:Or in that same category. We just actually weren't talking. Yeah, there was just space, that's the last. There was just avoidance. We're just not talking about it.
Speaker 2:Another one is constant criticism, like tearing each other down.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Always negative. Um the other, another one, emotional or physical withdrawal. So like I think a big one is emotional withdrawal, like when you feel like your partner is just shut down or maybe you're the partner that is just shut down, like that is a huge indicator that you are in trouble. Um, loss of intimacy, secrets and lies. Secrets and lies, like when there is no honesty. There's no way you can build a healthy marriage with secrets and lies and doubt and confusion. I can't. There's no trust there and I can't trust you if you're always secretive, if you're always lying, if you're hiding things from me that is lying.
Speaker 1:It's crazy because it's actually one of the 10 commandments right. Giving false testimonies, a lying lip. Matter of fact, it's actually one of the sins that God hates. And so when it goes into a marriage, which is a covenant, a union between man and a woman, and that comes inside of a marriage, not only is it dishonoring to that person, but it's dishonoring to God which is crazy.
Speaker 2:And honesty is literally like the oxygen to a marriage it's the only thing that keeps it alive. It's the only thing that keeps it alive it's the only thing that allows it to breathe and continue to have longevity is honesty.
Speaker 1:We're here because of honesty.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure. Another one is resentment, like carrying on that resentment and not forgiving, not letting go of something. Like maybe you say like, oh, I forgave them, but you're actually not letting go of it. You're holding it over their head, you're always constantly reminding them of the time that you forgave them, like you're just literally sitting in that resentment and you're carrying it with you. There's no way you can build healthy relationships if you're constantly in the past and sitting in that resentment that's crazy, yeah.
Speaker 1:Holding keeping records of wrong, yeah, which is crazy man.
Speaker 2:That is crazy. Another one is um contentment, like signs of contentment of um wait, it's not the right word.
Speaker 1:I don't think that's the right word. Well, I mean being content, like contentment, yeah Well, I mean, like when you said that the first thing I thought was just being fine, like being fine just as it is like you know, like I would actually transition a word which to like settling okay, yes almost like settling of like, whatever it is what it is yeah, like being not even.
Speaker 2:We're just gonna be roommates're going to be roommates or we're just going to wait for the?
Speaker 1:kids to just grow up, or that's just. Oh well, you know your mom, or well you know, you start telling that just to your kids. Or, yup, that's just, or he'll just never respect me, Settling like, even though you never get an actual technical divorce, there's a separation, and to me, like I would hate, I don't want you to be my roommate.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because if I'm looking for a roommate, there's way much better.
Speaker 2:I'm not it. There's way much better applicants out there Way much better Way much better, way much better. All right, you said it like three times too, you doing 10 toes down on it. There's way much better roommates.
Speaker 1:I know People, a podcaster, why does he talk like that way? Much better, way, much better. Man, all right, relax there, there, there, there are better candidates out there. Yeah, if I'm looking for a roommate, right, I don't want, I don't want a roommate out of you, like you were my life partner. Yeah, and we have decisions that we can honor. And the thing is, I could decide to say you know what I could step out of this switch.
Speaker 1:First of all, let me go ahead and go on record. It's the only time because we have biblical backgrounds, the only time divorce is actually permissible, it's when there is infidelity, when there's sin that got inside of the marriage. That's where the Bible says you should get a divorce of the marriage. That's where the bible says, oh, you should get a divorce. So I'm not saying like yo, um, if you're getting a divorce just because you don't like the person, no, no, like that's. That's not why you should, because you're not gonna like the next person for sure. If you're getting a divorce because, uh, they just can't get their life together, well, that's subjective. Get them a counselor, get them a planner, right, get them a watch planner, a paper planner, where you lick your finger and turn the pages.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying is I made a choice and I chose you, and it does break my heart. Um, for those out there that that are listening right now, um, you feel like there's no hope. Yeah, you are listening to this because you saw the title and you're like man, I'm with a partner that I chose and they're not choosing me anymore, and that's tough and we'd love to honestly just pray with you guys. We'd love to hear from you. So, if that is, you honestly seriously hit us up, because we know that feeling of being right there on the line of making a decision Should I choose you or not? Some things that we did was we did pray, we did seek God, we trusted God.
Speaker 2:And, to be honest with you, most of that was on our own and not together, because we were not in alignment in that same point. But you sought God and I sought God, and then that was a major contributor to how we got back together.
Speaker 1:So the biggest advice that I can say for those who sought God in pursuing your significant other is seek God when your significant other is drifting. Oftentimes we seek God when it's time to make a decision and then we leave them out on the back end of it. So if you prayed about your marriage, if you prayed about your relationship, if you sought God on this, like, keep seeking him, like put it in God's hand and let him take over. So that's what I really just want to encourage you guys, because that's what we did. And then we got therapy. We got therapy. Get yourself some therapy.
Speaker 2:That's what we did, and then we got therapy. We got therapy.
Speaker 2:Get yourself some therapy. The conversations that we talked about earlier of like we would talk for hours and hours and hours just like fighting and trying to figure it out, Like I remember so vividly saying, I think we've talked ourself into a hole that we cannot get ourselves out of Because it just never felt like it got better, it never felt like we were getting anywhere and we were just having these deep conversations that were very hard, heartbreaking, frustrating, irritating. We were getting so mad at each other because we were both just not hearing each other and I said I don't think we can get ourselves out of this. And God blessed us with the most wonderful, like faith, faith, Bible-believing therapist that truly, truly walked us through that process.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's why we say we're here to help you guys grow a deep relationship with God, others and yourself. Because if you can just recognize what God sees in you, that's you loving yourself, you recognizing who God is. He's the creator, he's the author, he's the one that wrote your story. Seek the person who wrote your story. Seek the person who created you. Right.
Speaker 1:A lot of times we're trying to find validity in all these other people, but actually the only person that we should actually find our value in is the one that made us. He made you with value, made you with purpose already and relationship with others. That matters because our therapist came in clutch. He knew exactly our personality types. He knew what books to give us to keep us together. So, with God plus with the help of man, like, we're here today, we're strong, we're in love, we love our family, we love our lives. We threw the towel in on this podcast because we didn't believe in ourselves anymore. Because of the grace of God and the help of man, we're here today. So if you guys need help, like, reach out, we'd love to pray with you, we'd love to partner with you. Like, how can we help you, how can we support you in this season?
Speaker 2:So, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2:I'm grateful and I'm I'm thankful for an opportunity to sit here on this podcast and to tell of all that God has done for us, because that was part of the reason for us to say no, let's do this again, Because we stopped when we were going into this dark season and then, when God brought us completely through it and it had had some time and it had had some years, we're like man.
Speaker 2:God has been so good to us and he's healed us to be better than we ever thought it could be again or ever was before, and we knew like we can't not tell of God's goodness and we cannot keep this to ourselves that he really brought us from the point of like, well, I'll go here and you'll go there, and you can have the kids and I'll take the car, and how am I going to make money? Like all the down to the nitty gritties of like actual steps taken to I guess this is not gonna work out for our marriage. What do I do next To now being here and being like, look what the Lord has done.
Speaker 2:Like he has truly done a miracle in our marriage and it would be a shame for us to not tell of God's goodness and God's grace. So that's why we're here today. Y'all is to encourage you and to say, hey, these are the things we saw in our marriage and in our experience, and if you're seeing them, here are some steps and here are some things that you can do to help avoid the divorce. But you can seek the Lord, you can seek counsel with a therapist or with your pastor or someone that you trust and that you look to, or you can reach out to us and that we would love to pray for you and we would love to put resources in your hand or connect you with someone that can help you walk through those next steps for your marriage and for your life. Yeah, so that's it. We love y'all, we're praying for you and we hope that this encouraged you and we will see you next time. Let's dig.
