Unforgiveness: Trapped In Your Own Prison

We unpack the truth about unforgiveness and its destructive impact on our mental, physical, and spiritual wellbeing, offering paths to freedom through genuine forgiveness.

• Signs you may be harboring unforgiveness: arguing with people in your head, feeling your joy disappear when they enter a room, constantly replaying past hurts
• Scientific evidence shows unforgiveness affects physical health through higher blood pressure, weakened immune system, and increased stress
• Forgiveness is not about excusing behavior but preventing others' actions from destroying your heart
• The paradox of unforgiveness: while you think you're holding someone else prisoner, you're actually imprisoning yourself
• Practical steps to overcome unforgiveness: acknowledge it, pray for strength, choose grace over grudges, set healthy boundaries
• Personal stories of forgiveness journeys emphasize that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven

We encourage you to examine your heart for any unforgiveness you might be carrying. Release it not just for others' sake, but for your own freedom and healing. Let's keep digging, believing, and building strong relationships together.

Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! 
Start for FREE

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Unforgiveness
• 5:33 Signs of Hidden Unforgiveness
• 11:58 Science of Unforgiveness and Health
• 17:35 Personal Stories of Unforgiveness
• 24:10 Forgiveness vs. Forgetting
• 29:13 Tips to Overcome Unforgiveness

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

What's up y'all? Welcome back to let's Dig the Podcast. Today we will be having a very sensitive conversation. We're going to be talking about the truth, about unforgiveness. I know for me I didn't realize that I had unforgiveness in my heart towards other people, and here's some signs right, you look at somebody that you didn't know that you weren't forgiving them, that every time you saw them you found yourself arguing with them in your head. Right, you felt like your joy just left the room. Right, you feel you find yourself reminiscing back to the time that altercation happened. But here's the thing about unforgiveness you have to understand that unforgiveness actually forgiving someone is like releasing somebody from jail, all to discover that that person from jail was actually you.

Speaker 2: 0:43

That's so good.

Speaker 1: 0:44

That's the thing about unforgiveness, because you think, or like that old saying where they say, like um, forgiving someone right or unforgiveness is like drinking poison, and they say, but hoping that the other person dies, right, it's an old saying, but it makes a lot of sense because we think we're going to hold them hostage and we think they're going to know what we said, they're going to know how we feel, but for some reason and we're going to talk about like the psychological issues too, like what happens to you mentally, like the depression, anxiety, stress, what happens when that person that you're in conflict with right walks into the room I think we need to talk about unforgiveness and the truth about it.

Speaker 2: 1:22

I think we should definitely have this conversation. But first, if you are here and you're excited about this conversation, or you're just glad to be a part of let's Dig crew, don't forget to like this video, comment, subscribe. You can even tap that little heart and send us some thank yous. We're always grateful for our crew that do that for us, that just encourage us and let us know that we are bringing value to you, because we are here to help you grow a deeper relationship with God, others and yourself. Now that's out of the way. Let's dig.

Speaker 1: 1:53

Let's dig. I had this thought when we were really processing this whole conversation of, really, what does even science say about unforgiveness in our bodies? Like what happens to you physically, emotionally, Like I wonder how many people are actually getting sick to their stomach because what unforgiveness is doing to them and they don't even realize it Even more than that, like I've.

Speaker 2: 2:17

Honestly, I grew up. My mom was in the medical field and she would tell me how oftentimes um, certain people that I grew up with, when their demeanor was more kind of grumpy, angry, uh, they actually often had more physical ailments. They had stomach cancer, um, really bad sickness in their body. But it wasn't the sickness that made them grumpy, it was actually the, the anger, the resentment, the bitterness inside of them that actually developed into a disease. Like it is proven in scientific studies that you harboring that unforgiveness, holding onto that offense.

Speaker 2: 3:04

They say that your body can physically, your brain can physically go through PTSD because you're not letting go of it. You're reminiscing it over and over and over again. It says that your blood pressure can be higher, you can have more um, your, your immune system is lower, so you're more prone to getting sickness. Your immune system is lower, so you're more prone to getting sickness because your stress is high, your anxiety is high, your depression is often like all these things, of where your body, because of the emotional toil that is, turmoil that it's going through cannot physically release it and therefore it shows up in sickness and diseases and ailments and other ways in your body that cause you to get sick more, which is crazy.

Speaker 1: 3:53

It is. And, as you're talking about it, you know it's bringing back a story. Did I ever tell you guys a story about that time that I realized that I hated my older brother and we're good now? We worked it through. But I know it's just saying that I'm sure there's some people that's like Ooh, that's, that's a big word.

Speaker 1: 4:11

I'm sure that resonates with some people. Well, I didn't realize that I had hate in my heart towards him about things that happened in our childhood that I didn't forgive him for, and I didn't realize what forgiveness would actually do to me. I think people think often that if they don't forgive someone, then that person is in prison in their mind.

Speaker 1: 4:34

But, actually you're the one that's in prison physically. You're the one that's in prison emotionally Because even you don't have joy, you don't have peace, you're never content. Don't have joy, you don't have peace, you're never content. Yeah, even that person walks into the room. They pop up on social media, you see them around. You actually sometimes even have to change everything about your being just to act like you're okay, it's so true knowing that you actually just need to forgive this person.

Speaker 2: 4:57

Not okay, like it keeps you stuck there, yeah, because you're constant, like because you're not letting go, because you're not moving on. You're stuck in the same spot that where they hurt you, you can't even move on. They actually are probably moving on, living their life, living their life. May or may not know what they did to you, but your choice of holding onto it literally keeps you stuck at that moment. I want to read this quote. It says forgiveness does not excuse their behavior Cause.

Speaker 2: 5:26

I think that's a lot of where we get caught up of like, but what they did was not okay and that's not what this discussion is about. Even it's not even about what did someone do to you. Like I didn't ask what your brother did to you.

Speaker 1: 5:40

We're talking about what happened to you, because you didn't forgive him what it did to me, because it was my whole childhood, like there was just silly things Like you know. I don't know if I ever told you guys a story. I know you know the story of. There was this one time that I was a young kid. It was a bike that I had.

Speaker 2: 5:56

I shared this story like you know, I think you did, I think I shared it before.

Speaker 1: 5:59

But to all of our new listeners right, anyways, I had this brand new bike and we've never had brand new bikes growing up because there was so many of us in the house, so our bikes we would get them from thrift stores. Broken pieces like the handlebar and the fork and the seat all came from different bikes. It was just wild, it was just like, hey, it was a frankenstein bike all the time a frankenstein bike. I've never heard that before yeah, it's just like you, it's just body parts.

Speaker 2: 6:20

Yes, that you just take, it makes sense that's all.

Speaker 1: 6:22

We had everything, so this is brand new. As it was a huffy bike, it was nice. Bro had the pads. I put some mongoose pads on there and I need some gt chromies on it. Bro, I went in and one day my I was just standing there by the bushes just hanging out enjoying my bike. My older brother comes around, the bush pushes me off, takes my bike because he was running late. He had to go to his friend's house and I never saw the bike ever again.

Speaker 1: 6:45

So I built this emotional, like anger towards him and I didn't realize all these years that I formed, started feeling like resentment and hate towards him and never really put my finger on it. Cause I'm going to say this, I was with someone the other day and I'm going to say this quote right now and I want everyone to understand it Forgetting is not forgiving.

Speaker 2: 7:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 7:08

Right. Forgetting is not forgiving, so you think, just because you forgot about it, that you've just moved on, that we're all good.

Speaker 2: 7:15

It doesn't mean it's healed.

Speaker 1: 7:16

But if that person is triggering you, there is something there. And for so many years my older brother would just trigger me every time I saw him there. And for so many years my older brother would just trigger me every time I saw him Like I just would feel resentment, anger, anxiety, like I wasn't content. All my peace, the joy, would leave the room. I'd roll my eyes. All these things. Well, fast forward. Several years ago, him and I finally reconciled and we worked things through and we talked about it. We had to go back to those days. We had to go back to when it fell apart and it was hard work. We like, like at the end of the day, we didn't have to do this. But in order for us to move on and live, live our lives in a healthy way, we have to release people. And sometimes people think that I'm going to hang on to this person because of what they did and you think like they're in jail. You're in jail, you need to be set free. That's the truth about really what unforgiveness does to us.

Speaker 2: 8:06

Like you know what I'm saying. The statement says forgiveness does not excuse their behavior. Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart. But I think that it is so important to know, like I'm not saying what they did was okay, but I'm saying that what they did will not have power over me to destroy me and destroy my heart towards other people, towards other relationships, towards being open to the next thing that comes. Like I'm going to choose that what they did to me was wrong and I won't ever let them do it again, but I will refuse to go forward and let it like bleed over into all of my other relationships.

Speaker 1: 8:47

Yeah, um, it's. It's interesting too, because we realize when we see people that are living healthy lives, or we see elderly people living healthy lives, like one of the things that you'll notice a lot of them like they don't hold things against people. You just you forgive people. I tell this to guys all the time that are interested in coming into ministry. I tell them you better be unoffendable.

Speaker 2: 9:12

It's so true.

Speaker 1: 9:14

Like if you're easily offended, do not work with people because people will let you down. You will be offended and you can't keep holding on to every single account Like. Could you imagine think about it, jesus what he had to go through?

Speaker 2: 9:28

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:28

And even Jesus talked us. He talks us through it. He's like forgive them, but what if they do it again? Forgive them again 70 times 7. 70 times 7.

Speaker 2: 9:35

Every single day.

Speaker 1: 9:36

You just like we just keep forgiving, and you realize like forgiving is not just for them. And that's what I really have this conversation about, because people think that, like, if I hold on to this grudge, if I walk into the room and I stop talking or I don't talk to them, or if I unfollow them on instagram, or if I block them or ever do all these passive, aggressive things, yeah we, you, you think you're gonna get their attention. They live in their life. Guess who's sleeping at night?

Speaker 2: 10:01

them.

Speaker 1: 10:02

That's so true like you know I'm saying yeah, and you're the one stress. Your digestive system is jacked up, wrecked, wrecked, losing your hair, gaining weight, all these things, all because you're trying to get this other person's attention about how they hurt you. Here's a sign that you have unforgiveness, that you find yourself like replaying the hurt constantly. You find yourself reminiscing back on that moment Over and over again.

Speaker 1: 10:30

Or like here's another sign you find yourself while you replaying what happened. You keep going through how else you would have approached it or what else you should have said in that moment. That's the sign you have unforgiveness, that's the sign you haven't let it go. And the thing is the.

Speaker 2: 10:48

the truth is it's hurting you, it's true, like you know, I'm saying yeah, what else? What are some other signs?

Speaker 1: 10:53

I think another sign is um like okay, so feeling resentment, right like like towards that person. Yeah, I think another sign too. I'll say this it's beating yourself up of like like.

Speaker 2: 11:09

I wish you would have handled it differently. It is, that's actually really true.

Speaker 1: 11:13

It's, and I'm, and I'm talking about forgiving the other person, I'm talking about forgiving yourself.

Speaker 2: 11:18

Yeah, that's huge.

Speaker 1: 11:19

You know what I'm saying yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 11:22

I even I can remember years ago I, I let someone down, I disappointed them, Um, and I didn't know it wasn't intentional.

Speaker 2: 11:32

It wasn't out of you know, spite, or I'm going to like do that and make them so mad, like it was never that, but I did. I let them down and they eventually told me but I don't know that they ever forgave me Um, I said I was so sorry, I didn't know that. You know, that was what you were needing from me. I was intentionally, um, doing something different. I was treating it a different way the situation and I let them down and I said I'm so sorry but, being the person that needed the forgiveness, being on that side, I don't know if they ever forgave me. I hope they did, but all I knew was walking away, was like, man, I messed up and the only way I know to make it better or to fix it was to make sure that I was never treating a situation in the same way, like going forward knowing that, like, hey, I really messed that one up, so I'm not going to mess this one up.

Speaker 2: 12:28

I've talked about it on the podcast as well. My friend who passed away from violence domestic violence. She got her life completely taken from her and there were so many things I did wrong. I had to forgive myself for that for a while. It took me a while to be like why didn't I ask harder questions? Why didn't I push harder? She just didn't tell me. She wouldn't tell me. But now, going forward, I have not a single problem looking at a girl telling me she's in a bad relationship and saying does he hurt you?

Speaker 1: 13:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:00

Are you safe? Like I treat it so differently now because I made that mistake, like, and I had to forgive myself for it. So one of the things that I think is helpful to move on is to make sure you never make that mistake again when you're the one needing the forgiveness.

Speaker 1: 13:18

You just saying just forgiving yourself. You know, it just reminded me of something that happened to us earlier this year. Something that happened to us earlier this year, you know we. You know there are people that I was leading and I let them down some way, somewhere down the road, um, unintentionally, yeah, and um they walked out and I remember calling and like apologizing so quick because, I actually forgave myself really quick.

Speaker 2: 13:46

Yeah, because it was unintentional, it was unintentional Right.

Speaker 1: 13:49

I said, man, like. I remember telling the person and even for me I was like I didn't, I didn't mean to do this Right. And I remember giving myself grace Sure Of like man, like I did everything that I thought I could. There's nothing else that I thought that I should have done.

Speaker 2: 14:02

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:12

So I went easy on myself and I was like I'm sorry. I'm like I'm sorry. I called him. I was like, but don't do this Like I'm sorry. Well, you know it all. It all still panned out the way like it panned out, right, and there's this big disconnect. But it wasn't until recently, the last couple of weeks ago.

Speaker 1: 14:17

We're really praying about this. I got on the phone with this person and we started talking about it and they asked me pray about it and I was like I might. I was like, all right, maybe, but I don't really know what I need to pray about. As I started praying about it, one of my prayers that I do all the time is I always ask God to reveal to me if there's anything in me that needs to come out. And I really want to encourage people that are listening to this right now, like if you're walking with the Lord, if you're walking with the Holy Spirit, like the Holy Spirit it's a comforter for us, but the Holy Spirit, it's a comforter for us, but the Holy Spirit is also a guide, guides our steps, corrects us and checks us and convicts us.

Speaker 1: 14:54

And so every time I pray, I'm like Holy Spirit, show me if there's anything in me that needs to come out like, reveal it to me. That's hiding behind something in the dark. If it's like dark, deep secrets, sin, unforgiveness. And while I was praying about this whole thing, god showed me that I haven't forgiven that person on how they walked out in my life. And I remember I was leading a prayer gathering that week and while I'm leading this prayer moment, I tell everybody I say, hey, we're going to take a moment and we're going to, we're going to go step into a moment of prayer forgiveness and repair, prayer of repentance, actually repentance, gotcha. And while I'm doing that, I literally started crying, like I'm holding in my tears, like tears are falling down my eyes and as I'm talking to this group of people, I'm shaking and I'm like I realized this morning that I have unforgiveness in my heart towards someone and it broke me because I thought I was good.

Speaker 2: 15:52

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:53

But there were signs I thought about. I thought about them often.

Speaker 2: 15:57

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:58

But it was in like argumentative ways.

Speaker 2: 16:00

Yeah, right.

Speaker 1: 16:02

It was in like replaying the hurt. I found myself always like I can't believe they did that Right. How often was that? I just can't believe it was just. That was always. I can't believe I bro. Why would, oh my?

Speaker 2: 16:14

gosh. I remember even when we were breaking down this situation, we were talking about it. It was a late night, sitting here on the couch and it got to the point. I think it might have been after that day, I don't remember, but I remember just looking at you and I could almost feel you like holding and I was like you know what you have to do, and it was almost like I was watching you wrestle to let go of it and that is the hardest thing to do. It's so much easier to hold onto something, to be resentful, to be angry, like being angry is a lot easier than being peaceful.

Speaker 2: 16:55

Like it feels so much easier to clinch, fist, yell, scream, fight. It actually takes more strength to release your hand to let it go and take a deep breath and know that the Lord fights for you, not me. I don't need to fight for myself. He fights for me.

Speaker 1: 17:16

Yeah. So yeah, man, it, it. It was big I'd say this too Um a sign that showed me that I had unforgiveness in my heart, that I would avoid having like strong feelings about the person. So if you would ask me, I said, man, I don't really care, like you, don't like whatever man, I don't really want to talk about it oh, that's very interesting because I'm actually the opposite.

Speaker 2: 17:40

If I have unforgiveness, I'm gonna have a lot to say well, so that's very interesting.

Speaker 1: 17:44

I've done that for your personality type but there's sometimes I'm like I want to talk about it. Yeah, I'm, that might be a sign you have unforgiveness in your heart. Yeah, because you're avoiding it Like you're like I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, like you know what I'm saying. But I'd go back and forth. Yeah, there'd be some seasons where I'm like yo, I can't believe it, bro, just still so upset, like can't believe it. Yeah, and it sounds why, what's triggering you so much? God revealed to me that I had unforgiveness in my heart. I did call that brother and we did get on the phone and we talked it through and there was reconciliation, right, we drew line and sand. I'm like, hey, man, let's just let's agree to disagree, like what was? We worked it through and we are where we are right now. But it's just a real thing, man, and I didn't like what it was doing to me, like emotionally, I didn't like what it was doing to me like mentally, like you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 18:40

Yeah, to all your brain space and relationally.

Speaker 1: 18:43

And relationally because I found out that I realized that even me and mutual friends would be talking about it more than we probably should Like me like always bringing it back up or replaying it and just like I don't want to do this anymore, what do we do? We forgive.

Speaker 2: 18:56

That's just the burden of carrying unforgiveness. Like what you're talking about, of like where you can't stop talking about it or it's weighing heavy on you. You're carrying it Like that is the burden of unforgiveness, but as soon as you decide to forgive, that burden is lifted off of you. I want to just talk about some like tips to overcome that forgiveness, right? So what do you do? Like the first thing is you actually have to acknowledge it. Like you cannot heal from something that you have not acknowledged and like all these things that we've talked about, signs of maybe what it looks like or maybe what it feels like. Like those are the things that you have to be self-aware to know. Like no, something is sitting under that rock in my heart and I need to figure out what that is and that is unforgiveness. And then you have to deal with that.

Speaker 1: 19:47

You got to deal with it. You cannot bury it. Yeah, you cannot bury. You got to face it. You got to bury it. You cannot bury. You got to face it. You got to acknowledge it. Like you. Like you can't deal with something that or this, this. Like you won't find healing in something that you're not dealing with. Yeah, totally you got to face it Right. And the second thing is we talked about it earlier it's asking God for strength praying to God to help you through this.

Speaker 1: 20:14

You can't do it in your own strength If there's someone that you have hard feelings towards like you can't do it in your own strength, and I also want to say this too. I think another way, another indicator to overcome unforgiveness is, let's say, you're on the other side of it. If you're listening to this and you're on the other side of unforgiveness, meaning you're not the one that needs to be releasing forgiveness, but you're the one that needs to allow the other person to forgive you. Don't make it hard for them, that's true. Give them an invite, give them an opportunity to say hey, man, like I know things are weird Like, do you, do you want to talk?

Speaker 2: 20:50

Right.

Speaker 1: 20:51

Like, allow them to release you.

Speaker 2: 20:53

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:53

Because when they release you, they're releasing themselves. That's so true. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, because I know we're talking about, like you know, giving forgiveness. Yeah, like letting go of unforgiveness. But there's people that's on the other side. You know you hurt somebody, or you know there's someone that has something against you and you over here, like I'm right here, I'm right here, man, they know where to find me and it's like, well, they're in bondage right now.

Speaker 2: 21:16

Right, they can't get to you. They're so like literally strapped up with their anger and resentment and hurt that you cause. Yeah, they can't find their way to you, dude.

Speaker 1: 21:26

Their vision is impaired? Yeah, so there's times where I know I've hurt somebody. I had to reach out to them while they were wounded and say hey, like you know, I know things ended off really weird, crazy. But do you want to talk about it Like I'm here. If you want to talk about it, yeah, letting them know like.

Speaker 2: 21:42

It's actually the best gift you can give someone if you hurt them.

Speaker 1: 21:45

Facts.

Speaker 2: 21:45

Intentionally or unintentionally.

Speaker 1: 21:47

Yeah, another one is third thing that we'd say is choosing grace over grudges 100%. Like give somebody benefit of the doubt. Think like what if they don't know that they hurt you? Yeah, practice grace. It's the golden rule. Jesus said it Do unto others as you want to be treated. I think that's very important for people to understand, like yo if someone has hurt you, someone has hurt you, think about it. If you hurt somebody, someone has hurt you, think about it. If you hurt somebody, what type of grace would you want?

Speaker 1: 22:18

Yeah, Like you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 22:19

Yeah. And then the next one is setting healthy boundaries. Like forgiveness does not mean that you allow them to continue to hurt you, like that's not what forgiveness means. Forgiveness does not mean you're opening yourself up for them to hurt you over and over again. Forgiveness is letting them go, letting that offense and hurt go, but then also setting boundaries so that you're not hurt again. And I even with the conversation we've having today of the forgiveness that you had to give, like we've set boundaries, though You're like this is okay.

Speaker 2: 22:54

Like we're good, we've forgiven, and here's our boundary you know, like to not allow someone to continue to hurt you over and over again. Cause, then that's abuse.

Speaker 1: 23:03

Yeah, Um. And lastly, the greatest tip to overcome unforgiveness is remember that God forgave you all day, every day, all day every day, literally every single day. And who are we to refuse to give forgiveness?

Speaker 2: 23:24

Yeah, like, who are we to say I can wake up every morning and be forgiven for the sins I committed knowingly and unknowingly, but I'm the one who's able to say, no, I can't forgive that person because they did that. Like, how, how could I find that? The audacity honestly, that's the word that comes like that's audacity.

Speaker 1: 23:44

It's, it's the story of the Bible, the parable of the, the unforgiving servant.

Speaker 2: 23:50

Yep.

Speaker 1: 23:51

Crazy huh.

Speaker 2: 23:52

Crazy. The guy owed millions. They said they owed millions, they were going to take his family, they were going to throw him in prison. And the ruler was like you know what? You're forgiven of? Everything, which is so much money, so much debt. And then he walked outside and he grabbed some servant that owed him just a few hundred dollars and threatened him and wanted to hold him against him and threaten him. Give him all these threats I'm going to kill you if you don't pay back your hundreds. When you were just forgiven of millions and like that is.

Speaker 2: 24:27

So how God does it? Actually, I wanted to read the end of that scripture. Um, because the last verse was just so powerful. It's what is it? Matthew 18,. I had it in and I lost it. Matthew 18.

Speaker 2: 24:40

Um, so all that happens, right, he's forgiven of millions, and he goes out and finds the guy that owes him thousands. And so then the King heard about it. The King called in the man he had forgiven and said you, evil servant, I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you? Then the angry king sent the man to be prisoned, to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. But here's the last verse that's what my heavenly father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart. That's what my heavenly father will do to you If you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart. That's how the scripture ends. It's a heart thing more than anything else, more than your mind, more than a tit for tat like this plus this equals that and this is what you deserve, and karma and all those things. Yeah, like it is literally an issue of the heart.

Speaker 1: 25:36

Yeah, man, it's, it's big. You know, it's funny Cause last night I had a dinner. I had dinner with somebody and we sat there for four hours, almost four hours, and the guy did something to me and he reached out to me and I got hurt and he reached out to me. I was like, bro, there's nothing to talk about. I did not want to talk to this guy. It's like there's nothing to talk about.

Speaker 2: 25:57

That's true he did say that.

Speaker 1: 25:58

Like I'm good he reached out to me again. He's like, man, please, I'd love to just take you out to dinner and just like just clear this out, and I say you know what, I'm going to extend an opportunity. Like I'm going to extend the opportunity.

Speaker 2: 26:10

Well, you didn't extend the opportunity, you afforded him the opportunity he extended. Yeah, does that make sense? Like he was the one yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:17

So I gave him.

Speaker 2: 26:18

I gave him the opportunity.

Speaker 1: 26:21

It goes back to what we're saying. Like you know some, I I was on the other side. Yeah, I was on the other side, so I'm you know what. Yeah, I'm going to give him the opportunity. We're going to sit down. We sat down, we talked and we cleared everything up. And when he several times he's like man, I just want to say I'm sorry. I think there's just a big misunderstanding. I really didn't want to me and and and abused like what I gave you guys and you just never even said thank you, like like we never spoke about it and all these other things happened, came from the round back and there was never a moment where I hesitated to allow us to reconcile the moment. He's like man. I just want to say I'm sorry, and so I was like bro, it's all, good man, thank you.

Speaker 2: 27:08

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:08

Like I appreciate it and we worked everything out. Yeah, like, literally like our relationship. We like we were able to mend it and we were able to say, man, like can we build this relationship? We both agreed on yes, let's build this relationship, and I could. I could have sat here and just been like no man, we're not going to, or him, and so, like we practice what we preach. Why? Because man, god loved us so much that he forgave us.

Speaker 2: 27:40

We have no right holding that against people, and the only way it works is to have humility on both sides.

Speaker 1: 27:42

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:43

For the one asking for forgiveness and the one being asked of forgiveness, that humility has to be on both sides for us to both say, and that's why oftentimes it actually requires forgiveness from both and to both.

Speaker 2: 27:59

Cause most of the time you can't say that one was perfect in the situation. Maybe there's like when we have fights, for instance, if you're right and I'm wrong, you're actually going to always find something to say sorry for, and vice versa, even if the times I am right and you're like, no, that's not it. I think you know what. You're right, I'm sorry, I can ask for forgiveness in something to bring us down to humility and bring us back to the same level so that we can heal 100%.

Speaker 1: 28:30

Maybe you're listening to this today and you have been offended or somebody hurt you or you're holding on to forgiveness. You're not giving it. You're fighting with unforgiveness. Maybe you were rightfully wronged, meaning like somebody abused you, like you've been abused mentally, physically, sexually. Maybe somebody hurt you emotionally and you're like man. That person does not deserve to be forgiven. Right, those are thoughts. But here's my question to you Do you deserve to be forgiven so good and what and what I want to really like? Encourage everybody to really understand that when you don't forgive so good, like how it's changing your dynamics, it's just not worth it. Life is too short.

Speaker 1: 29:29

Jesus is coming back again and what we want to make sure, especially for us as believers, like Jesus told us to pray. He said when you pray, say forgive us as we forgive, so to the measure that you forgive will be the same measure that you are forgiven. We forgive because we've been forgiven. Let it go, man, and if you need help, we'll sit with you, we'll help you process, we'll give you words, but let it go. God wants us to walk in freedom and not bondage and captivity like this man. It's just not worth it. So this is really the truth about unforgiveness. It's really. It's not for the person, it's not for the other person, it's for you.

Speaker 2: 30:10

It's what I said last week of the hardest thing that we are called to do as Christians is actually to forgive, even when we don't get asked for forgiveness. So, even if there isn't an option where you can sit down and have that reconciliation, like us choosing to forgive, whether that person asked for it, whether that person didn't ask for it, like knowing it's what you it goes back to what you just said of like knowing that actually I'm worth the value of living free, how the Lord has forgiven me, I'm worth living a forgiven life, so I'm going to give forgiveness, yes.

Speaker 1: 30:46

Yes. And the last thing I'll say. This is to the person that's on the other side of forgiveness. Maybe you don't have forgiveness to give, maybe you didn't do anything wrong, but I like to challenge that. If you know somebody is having a hard time forgiving you and you refuse to give them, grant them that opportunity to release you. You could be causing them to sin. And if they're sin, why? Because they could be getting angry, frustrated, all these things. That anger leads to making bad decisions, cussing you out, resentment, burdens, holding unforgiveness. Could it be that you might be holding them in a place where they're not forgiving you and you're allowing them to live like this? So I'm saying this to say give people an opportunity to forgive you, give them opportunity, like if it's at church, but still say hi, still be friendly, don't be like nah, it ain't me, I didn't change, I didn't do nothing. That's them that started acting funny. Well, no, something happened Like what I'm saying I think it's very important because you know, we've all been on that side of it too Like where I'm going to reach out and say hey, man, like like did I do something? Like you know what I'm saying, so I don't know, man.

Speaker 1: 31:54

I hope this conversation blessing you guys. I hope you guys are feeling or receiving fruit from this. I hope you're feeling edified by this conversation. Our heart and our goal and you guys know that is to help everybody grow deeper relationships with god, others and themselves, and we do believe that god has called us to live strong relationships. We cannot walk in this life, live this life without people in our lives. Nobody should be living like that. So we have to face it. We have to face the tough things, we have to put the work in and I guarantee you like we will see fruit when all of our relationships get healthy. Everything gets healthy physically, mentally, intellectually, spiritually. Everything changes. And so we love you guys, we'd love to hear from you. Let's keep digging, let's keep believing, let's keep building strong relationships and we'll see you next time. Peace.