LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
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LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
Navigating Conflict: Lessons from Our Latest Argument
We delve into a lively discussion about a recent argument we had over our son's haircut, highlighting deeper themes of pride and parenting. Miscommunication arises from trying to navigate changing trends while protecting our child's self-esteem.
• Exploring our son's feelings amid peer pressure
• Understanding the balance between trend and self-expression
• The role of pride in our arguments
• Strategies for effective conflict resolution
• The importance of humility and listening
• Tools we've learned to avoid escalating disagreements
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Hey, let's Dig crew. We are so thankful that you have joined this conversation. Today is full of some tea y'all, so you're going to want to be in on this. But first, will you comment on this video? Will you hit the like button? Will you send us some love on YouTube? If you are listening on Apple Podcasts on Spotify, leave us a review and honestly send this to someone you love.
Speaker 1:Send this to someone who it will encourage. We hope that all of our conversations have been bringing value to your life, and if you don't know why we're here, we are here to help you grow a deeper relationship with God, others and yourself. So, all that being said, I think I got all the logistics out the way.
Speaker 2:Well, you said tea. We're not going to be gossiping. I mean, it's like give me the tea. What's the tea?
Speaker 1:It's like the piping hot, it's like the business.
Speaker 2:Okay, I don't know what type of business you are looking for the business but we don't have the business here for the tea. That's my Haitian accent y'all. If you guys haven't heard it, all right, let's get into it. I was going to say let's dig, but then you had to smash the team. We got into a pretty interesting argument before we started recording this conversation, which we're talking about arguments. We're talking about that tension, that conflict debate. We used to get into huge, massive fights when we first got married.
Speaker 1:We sure did.
Speaker 2:And we got into a pretty big fight, I would say last week.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was one of those ones that lasted longer than we're used to now. So, before in our marriage the fights would last days, days and days and days. But I think in our skill sets after therapy, being in a healthier place, we've learned to resolve them a lot quicker.
Speaker 2:But this one stuck around for a little bit longer, and longer than we would feel more comfortable like now in this life, now that we've learned our isms, our personalities. But I think let's jump into it, man, let's dig.
Speaker 1:All right, let's dig.
Speaker 2:Let's dig.
Speaker 1:So a few weeks ago, two weeks ago, we were in an argument basically about guys. You'll never guess. It was about our son's hair. Yeah, our child, he is 11. He is a mixed baby boy. He is so handsome, almost as tall as me, and he has been getting like some form of twist or braids or a low fade, whatever it's. All the details that don't matter.
Speaker 1:But in essence we were arguing about his haircut and my viewpoint was that some of the younger generation one guy was like I think he's 17. Another guy was like in his 20s and they kind of mentioned something about Jordan's haircut to me and I'm the one who does Jordan's braids and twists, and Pierre is the one who fades Jordan's hair, gives him an edge and all that stuff. And so I started to get a little concerned that my age was showing and that maybe my kid's hairstyle was not as cool as I thought it would be. And so when I started bringing it up to Pierre, pierre was just like nah, man, like I know, it's whatever, like it's good, it's fine, everything is everything Like you can have. This guy can have braids. This guy can have twists. This guy can have it faded up here, this guy can have it low. This guy can have it messy.
Speaker 1:This guy can have no edge pause, let's just oh, you don't think that that was your argument big old fat pause right here.
Speaker 2:Let's just bring clarity. We actually wasn't even arguing yet. It was just smooth, casual conversation. Like you guys ever like you know, like, let's say, it's your wife or your husband or your boyfriend, your girlfriend, like like somebody you're in like relationship with, you just go to have a normal casual conversation, just assuming the person you're talking to is gonna be on the same page as you. And so they're like wait, what? What are you doing? Wait, why are you doing that? And then you start feeling tension and you're like wait, I was just, I just came to just loop you in on something that I'm doing, something that we're talking about, and that that's kind of like what happened.
Speaker 2:You was just telling me like, yeah, I'm thinking about changing. Yeah, cool, I mean, we've he's had the same hairstyle for a couple of months now. He hasn't complained, everybody's been fine, it's, it's low maintenance, go ahead and roll with it. So you're like okay, but when I found like when I found out that you wanted to change his hairstyle because he brought to your attention that some kids have been making comments, some his age and some older than him, which that my alarms as a dad went off, but I didn't make that clear that it was like dad alarms of, like no, who cares what people say. I was just like no man, he's fine, his hair goes fine, and so I was just starting to feel like a little, I guess. Um, uh, let me find the right word.
Speaker 1:Let me help you, Prideful prideful, maybe prideful.
Speaker 2:I was just like thinking our kids are fine, they look good, I know.
Speaker 1:And that was guys. This is it. This was the argument.
Speaker 2:This is what I was arguing of Like.
Speaker 1:I know that you think that you know all the trends. You're trendy, you're cool dad Like the kids at school call you what do they call you?
Speaker 2:I'm not going to quote the kids, like Jordan's, I'm not going to quote the kids.
Speaker 1:The fifth graders at the school literally say he's like dad Riz. So that was literally. My argument was that I understand.
Speaker 2:Drip dad, by the way, oh, it's drip dad. I'm the drip dad at school. Drip daddy.
Speaker 1:Guys, he's not lying, anyways. So that was my argument was that I understand you're on trend, you're cool, you're swag, everybody's like whatever, but like there is a reality to the fact that we are closer to 40 than 30.
Speaker 2:You're closer to 40 than 30.
Speaker 1:Excuse me, your birthday's next month.
Speaker 2:Go ahead.
Speaker 1:And I don't want to be those parents that are just so ignorant and think that no cause, we're cool, my kids are cool. I don't want to be the cause that my kid's getting made fun of, like his haircut or whatever, and so I'm humble enough to be like, wait, maybe he's grown out of dad doing his haircuts. So hold on and your pride. I do not think you could hear me. You could not take that from me.
Speaker 2:But so we're arguing, guys, we're arguing about this. I mean, it goes overnight the next day, which should be fair.
Speaker 1:It wasn't like I was mad at you the whole entire two days, like there was the argument and then we were able to like, be okay and function, and then when we talked about it again, it was like we even started arguing in front of the kids, like we.
Speaker 2:We were at the outlet and we stopped just to argue because I'm like I don't like to walk and argue but it had not.
Speaker 1:We had not had one like this in a very long time, and it was little, it was just it was.
Speaker 2:We both just started like but here's the thing I think both of us was prideful and we're going to tell everybody what we were prideful about here. In a second Cause I had my I don't know it. Nah, okay, I'm gonna say right now I had dad pride, you had mom pride.
Speaker 2:Okay, fair, I'll take that, because the kid comments about his hair right. And then he heard another, uh, teenager right make a comment about bro, you're fit, and he was like, wait, is it good or bad? He was just everything. He's getting into that stage to 11, 12, that age group, that dark years of everyone's life, middle school, where you care so much what everyone thinks, like you're not sure. It's tough years. So every single comment everybody's making towards him, right, he's moving off of it. And you, as a mom, you were feeling that, yes, and you took pride in being a mom and you're like, okay, what do you want to do then? How do you want to change your hair? Let me do some research, let me go on tiktok, let me get. So. As a mom, you felt that because you, you were nurturing to make fun of him.
Speaker 1:You don't want kids to make fun of him because of my lack of the trends or whatever.
Speaker 2:And here's the thing. We argued about this for a whole day, through the night, even the next day, even the next day it's his birthday and he's like yo bring everybody's mom and dad bring donuts to the school, but they don't come inside the school and drop off the donuts with plates and napkins. Danny Lee's like we're going to do exactly just that For me. I'm like man, I'm going to walk right into that school and deliver the donuts myself.
Speaker 1:There's that pride again. Boy, have mercy.
Speaker 2:But here's the thing we both had pride and we didn't realize this till that very next day, like that night, when we both had better words to articulate what we were going through. And what really happened was we felt so strong about our feelings and our thoughts and how we saw our perspective that we just refused to see the other person's perspective, which that's pride.
Speaker 1:And when that came to that point and you said here's what I'm trying to say and you ran down all the things, which was that these younger generations are so ever-changing with just how the trends come in, so quickly they go out, and so this younger generation we're seeing them to where, like, they don't stick to anything. They change constantly and so trends will continue to change.
Speaker 2:They get obsessed with something one week, the next week, that thing they were obsessed with is so last week.
Speaker 1:And so you were trying to make sure that we teach our son what do you think? How do you feel? What do you like? Who cares about the trends? They'll come and go, and once you got to that point, I actually agreed with everything you said. Yeah, um, I was like, yeah, I actually agree that we should teach him to not worry about other people's opinions and feelings and what they say to him, and that that shouldn't, like, make you waver or change your hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:You care so much for the mental and emotional well-being of our children and emotions has so much to do with their soul and their personality and your job is to nurture that. So when your son comes home making comments about what other kids said and you can see it's getting to him and it's hurting his feeling, your job as a mom is to nurture that Right.
Speaker 1:And to protect him. So for you it's like okay, baby, what do you want to do?
Speaker 2:that Right and to protect it. So for you it's like okay, baby, what do you want to do? How do you want to do? Do you want to change your hair? What did that kid say what did that? And so for me I'm like forget that kid.
Speaker 1:We're going to jump that kid man.
Speaker 2:He's nothing anyways. Kid's a joke. Matter of fact, I want to meet his dad. I said that kid's a joke, his dad's a joke, his mom's a joke. His whole ass. I said I bet his whole face is a joke.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, he's not lying guys.
Speaker 2:He's trash talking these fifth graders like nobody's business. I was like you guys because I think really to have a healthy argument, you need to learn how to fight for the person that you're arguing with.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That means learning to fight their point for them.
Speaker 1:And we've done really good at that for the last four or five years since our marriage therapy. And this was one that like we actually didn't realize that we were not hearing each other, like today, we were having a discussion and I kept telling you we are not on the same page. We are not on the same page Like we're talking, like I'm asking questions but you're answering them differently than like I could tell we were not hearing each other. But this specific argument about Jordan's hair, I don't think either of us realized that we weren't hearing each other and when we got to the end of it, you literally said I guess I just wasn't hearing you say that and I was like I know you weren't hearing what I was saying and I wasn't hearing what you landed on either.
Speaker 2:And I think what happens is because we both feel so strong about what we feel that everything else must be wrong. Huh.
Speaker 1:That's true.
Speaker 2:Your feelings like it, and I think that's something that really can stunt somebody's growth. Yeah, you know, for you to be like well, here's how I see it, here's how I feel your perception can still be wrong For sure. Right, I like to like I say this all the time Well, let's look at the record, let's let's look at the credibility, let's look at the score sheets, the scorecards, and so you can say well, here's how I see it, here's how I feel it, here's how I think in my mind, here's what it should look like. I hear everything.
Speaker 1:You're how I felt, how I saw it, my perspective my perception of it that surely no other way of seeing it can be right, yeah, and, and you know, oftentimes when you do what you said earlier of, you should know so well to fight the other person's argument for them. When you do that, you save me a lot of time, a lot of frustration, and with this one, that just wasn't happening yeah it what but?
Speaker 1:but I love that tool of like when you're going into conflict with whoever you are in conflict with, whether it's a co-worker of a friendship, um an actual, like platonic or not platonic romantic relationship, um, platonic romantic relationship, a relationship with your older parents, like all those things like verbalizing that you understand what they're feeling and where they're coming from saves so much time in an argument, and that is proof when you look at that this argument went for two days, like went over the span of two days.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it went for two days and I understand, like where you're coming from, and here's what's even wild too. Both of us were right in how we felt and how we saw it, but we were wrong, not even willing to see the other person's perspective.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I think that really is dangerous when two people are in conflict. For me, like I'll tell you this right now Like I refuse to be in conflict or debate or argue with somebody that already has no interest in seeing it how I see it. Yeah, that's very true. If you can't even see it how I see it or you have no desire to understand how I see it, yeah, I don't want to argue with you.
Speaker 1:No, I don't want to argue with you.
Speaker 2:I actually don't want to fight with you, there's no point, because you have no interest in understanding where I'm coming from. What do I have to say to someone who doesn't even want to understand, even if, even if, like you, were in the right? But let's say you were in the right and I was in the wrong. But if I had to explain myself, for you to say you know what, explain to me what led you to see it, how you saw it. Cause, explain to me what led you to see it, how you saw it, because that would give you a better understanding of how the mechanisms of my mind works, like what I'm saying. Yeah, that would still gain understanding, because then you can say oh, wow, ah, I see how you think. Oh, I can see how you saw it, because we all have different operating systems, a hundred percent. We all have different operations. Ultimately, we both were prideful in that moment. We all have different operations.
Speaker 1:Ultimately, we both were prideful in that moment and it wasn't even bad pride, I took pride as a dad to teach my son dignity to teach my son self-esteem and I 100% agree with it.
Speaker 2:Hey, you might do something, say something, wear something, feel something, think something. And everybody says yo, that's dope. Next week you say something, feel something, wear something. It's like bro, bro, that's so, bro, you're doing too much.
Speaker 1:Do you remember what I called you in this argument, guys? I actually called him a name, which is not recommended, but do you remember what I called?
Speaker 2:you.
Speaker 1:She called me an old head remember she called me an old head. That was all I was getting the feeling of was like he's this old, 40s, 50s dad talking trash of like listen, I know what's cool, I'm good 40s, 50s is not even old.
Speaker 2:That's not. It's not old.
Speaker 1:I'm saying because the viewpoint from me as a kid, yeah, and looking at an older dad and then then not listening to you, and it was literally what I was trying not to do was saying, okay, I can listen to a younger generation. To an extent, I want to hear them, I want to be a better listener.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's where I felt like in that whole argument was the difference. I think you were working so hard to just listen to the critics. Like what are all your critics saying, okay, let's give them what they want, it's going to make you feel better, right, son? Like what are all your critics saying, right, ok, let's give them what they want, it's going to make you feel better, right, son? Like it will make them feel better or make them feel accepted. And I obviously said a lot about your upbringing. I said a lot about you. I'm just like what did I say? Ok, ok, then we'll change it. And for me, I was saying forget the critics, yeah, matter of fact, those people that you're trying to please when you do what they ask them or when you do what they want you to do.
Speaker 2:It changes they change and want to go back the kid my son had an Afro. People say you should braid it. He braids it. We miss your Afro Idiot. I'm like, see, buddy, I'm going to go fight all these kids, but I wanted to teach him self-esteem. I wanted to teach him son, if you like it, like this, right, enjoy and say you like it. Now, of course, don't be so stubborn and not willing to change with the change. Right, like I'm saying that's what I want to teach them.
Speaker 1:but I'm like don't do it until you're ready though and, to be fair, your family, like all of you and your siblings. That is something that you guys have always carried and I've always admired about your family and how your parents raised you and and that was to be true to like your own style, do what you want to do. Y'all were always kind of a little bit different in how you dressed, how you carried yourselves, and I always loved that about you guys. So I do think it's an important characteristic to treat, teach to our kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 1:I think it's very important. So what are some other ways that we have learned in conflict to help resolve it maybe faster or to not make it escalate?
Speaker 2:I think people need to humble themselves and say when they do not have words to explain, ask for more time.
Speaker 1:To be fair, you're talking. I literally asked the question of how we acts for more time. To be fair, you're talking. I literally asked a question of how we and that is very much so me Like. That was one that I really had to learn.
Speaker 2:I think what happens is people are embarrassed. We get embarrassed when someone asks us a question and we don't have the answer. So we feel like we have to think quick and just give an answer.
Speaker 1:And it's not always. Again, it's what I've talked about of like the. The feeling of embarrassment is not actually what we feel right away. The feeling we actually feel right away is anger Like, and then we just blurt something out so quickly. But when you take a step back, you think back and you process, you're like, oh my gosh, I felt so put on blast and I didn't have any words.
Speaker 2:So I was angry and I just blurted out whatever came first, and then what happens is the very next day you say comments like, or someone would say comments like. I guess what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 1:I said that all the time when I would get frustrated.
Speaker 2:I guess what I'm trying, or now that I think about it, yeah, comments like that is basically exposing yourself because you're telling me oh, you didn't think about it the first time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't have a whole thought, not that I think about it, it was all gibberish, or what I was trying to say, right?
Speaker 2:So I say this all the time of like, and if you don't have any words yet, it's okay. So there's times I said I'll say babe, I'm about to ask you a question and if you need time to think about it, I'm think about that. Wow, versus someone who just answers really quick and then has to keep adding on it the next day or escalates. And so I think a really good thing that we've been learning and practicing to do when we get into arguments, when we're fighting, is learning to humble yourself, humble ourselves and say let me think about that.
Speaker 1:Or I don't have words.
Speaker 2:Yeah, matter of fact, in this argument that we had last week or two weeks ago, you asked me what do you need from me, which that's another advice that I'd say all the time is at the end of the argument, like if you don't ask your partner what do you need from me in order for this to not happen again. I said let me think about it. It took us. It took a good solid two minutes. So when I finally realized, it's like I just want to. I just want you to acknowledge my obligation as a dad and I'm not saying I'm discrediting feelings and emotions. You have already accomplished that as a mom and you're doing a really good job. You went on TikTok. You're doing research. You told me to do research. Why don't you go on YouTube and learn how to braid?
Speaker 1:I'm like what I didn't tell you to learn how to braid what the mom I did not. I told you to go look up what the trends were If I'm going to go research.
Speaker 2:It's going to be how to motivate, how to motivate your kids to have high self-esteem. It'd be that, but it was like I just want you to acknowledge my responsibility as a dad is to teach my kids to be firm in society is to know what they stand for. If they stand for something, they'll always stand for something. They stand for nothing, they will stand for nothing. Deciding where do you want to stand. And then, if there's a trend that's out, kiddo that you're not sure yet how you stand with it, verbalize that.
Speaker 2:I don't know how I feel about that style yet. Yeah, say that versus the oh, it's dope or I hate it. Don't talk too quick, think about it. And if you're like, I like it, but I don't know if I could rock that yet, like that, like what I'm saying. So I think two things people need to learn how to humble themselves to get to the point where it's like you know what, I don't, I don't have words yet, where I can't really explain. I'm very frustrated right now and I really need time. And the second thing is is what I said is, when it comes to preventing arguments like this from happening again, is learning to stop at the end of it and say okay, I see where you're coming from.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I'm a verbalize your argument point for you, cause that lets you know that I see right, I'm gonna verbalize your argument point for you because that lets you know that.
Speaker 2:I see, I see it from from your seat. Yeah, and then also, what do you need from me? It happened today before we started doing this recording. Yeah, actually like so. Then what do I need to adjust? What do I need to change?
Speaker 2:Because we're in relationships together, like if somebody's really stubborn and sticking to their guns, I'm like all right, cool, go ahead and stay married to yourself, right, like you know, I'm saying yeah, so it's wild. I, I, I will say I'm proud of us over the last 15 years. This year, this week would make it 15 years since we've been married 15 years and, um, our first couple years, we have some explosive arguments. Man, we used to fight by some dumb stuff that we look at it now. I, I remember getting so angry, punching a hole in the wall, yep, like we used to argue about some goofy stuff that we look at it now. I remember getting so angry, punching a hole in the wall, yep, like we used to argue about some goofy stuff of like whether, when you live in the cold weather, should your kids wear a snow jacket while you put them in the car seat.
Speaker 1:That was a hot button y'all I was. That was a hard one for me. It was very hard. Should we talk?
Speaker 2:I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to talk about that. I don't even want to talk about it.
Speaker 1:You don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 2:How do you feel now, though, like when we're in explosive, like argumentative moments, like do you feel like you're able to contain and control yourself, to be able to articulate what you're going through and what you're feeling properly?
Speaker 2:Or do you feel like you're in places where, like you just feel heat behind your ears, you start getting angry, or because sometimes I see it, I'm like, oh there, she is Ten nine. And I'm like yo, stay clear, she's about to blow. The rocket ship is about to go off right now. Oh Lord, yeah. So like, where are you right now, like when it comes to us, and you feel like there's there's something about to happen because we don't argue much? Yeah, we actually don't argue much, and some of you say, well, if you guys don't argue, you guys are unhealthy silence. All right, we're like, relax, we're actually healthy now. One of the reasons why we don't argue much anymore is because we understand each other right and we've learned how to communicate when we're not understanding.
Speaker 1:That's why we wanted to share that. This one argument was longer and bigger than we've had in a very long time and and it all boiled down to because we weren't understanding each other. Um and so, because we have done a lot better and we've put in a lot of work to hear each other and understand each other better. It doesn't happen very often, but with my emotions and when we're in arguments, I think as a whole in my thirties, as a whole in my thirties I have just really had like a light bulb moment of I can choose to control my emotions. I think up until my thirties I mean maybe even a few years ago like I could just get so angry that I would, you know, throw something, or just like literally, and maybe a lot of it was, you know, postpartum, having two kids and stuff like that Maybe most of the times I'm thinking of were revolving around those two life um, life moments, whatever.
Speaker 1:So maybe a lot of that was those hormone rages and things like that. But now in this season, I feel like I have more control over my emotions than ever. And so when we're in arguments, even if I do feel like the cartoon character where, like, steam is coming out of my head and my ears and my face is red, and even if I feel that way, choosing to either take a deep breath or choosing to say I need a minute, meaning like I'm about to lose it on you.
Speaker 2:You take those pretty often, but go ahead.
Speaker 1:Because then I'm successful. That's true, thank you very much. That's true. That's a pat on the back for me.
Speaker 2:That is.
Speaker 1:Because I'm about to drop words that will not go over. Well, I'm going to go, I'm going to say things that I'll regret. I'll get too loud, I'll get too spicy, and so I actually, if I get that close, I'm like I need a minute and then I can come back with my thoughts sorted, because that is me. A lot is that I want to pop off, I want to yell, I want to scream, I want to fight, when all my thoughts are so scattered that I actually can't put my finger on what I'm feeling or what I want to say right now.
Speaker 1:So when I take a minute and I can go back and I can literally think through, okay, I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is how I'm feeling and if you can do this, that would make me not feel that way as much anymore. Oh my gosh, it's like a whole new tool belt. And then I come back and out and then I'll literally say, okay, what I was trying to say and I wasn't doing a very good job of it. So, always taking accountability for the part of it that you have, like saying, like, okay, I probably wasn't saying this very well, I thought I was, but since it wasn't getting to you, I wasn't doing it very well, but this is what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's big, that's big. The last thing that I want to say is one way to really help you get through argumentative moments is finding something to apologize for. Yes, that's huge. Always one thing that you could find to say hey, you know what I stand with, what I believe, but I will say this I'm sorry that I came in hot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's always something you can find. I'm sorry that I was insensitive of what you were going through that day. I'm sorry that I cut you off and didn't give you an opportunity to share where you were coming from. I'm sorry that I was so headstrong that I refused to even understand what you were saying. What you were saying, yeah, so that's really helped us in our arguments. You know, I I tend to apologize really quick, like sometimes it's annoying.
Speaker 1:No, sir, I'm sorry, we're not done no.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, can we go to bed?
Speaker 1:now. No, no, I think another one too, and this is just a small one, but it's big and that is to eliminate always and never out of your conversations and out of your arguments. You always make me feel this way. You never do this Like. We learned that a few years ago and it actually changed the way we were able to argue and have a disagreement and have conflict.
Speaker 2:Oh, bro, it's big. Those are fighting words. They are I'm going to say that right now Like if you want to learn some fighting words, say comments like you always and say stuff like and you never.
Speaker 1:I'm like yo, you're acting like, because then all the other person is going to do is be defensive.
Speaker 2:I'm going to be like I never.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I never what one time and now you just got now. You just got derailed and now you're arguing about something that's some, that that's a whole nother conversation for a whole nother day, because you're like, and you always it's like yo, there's bro. We can go on on the list man I can give you another one. Say like another thing, like to really focus on, like when it comes to arguing, is stay focused, don't go off tangents and argue about other things.
Speaker 2:It's like yo let's put a pin in that one. We we're going to argue about that one tomorrow.
Speaker 1:We've just scheduled that argument, but let's get back to the one we started.
Speaker 2:Because I say it all the time. I was like let's stay focused because I feel like you're trying to find something not to argue about. Because then I'm going to be mad about that one, and to me I feel like that's fighting dirty. It's like I'm saying yeah, so anyways. I think we need to be done with this because, first of all Wait, I want to say one more thing, though.
Speaker 1:She said we got to go, we got to go, we got to go. The last thing I would say is and I want to encourage everyone listening is please, please, please, make sure that when you do have conflict, when you do have an argument, resolve. Leaving it open-ended, leaving it at a disagreement, leaving it with no calm conversation following it, is not a solution. It's not going to heal itself. It's literally sweeping dust under a rug. And if you're trying to build a long-term relationship with any of those people what I said earlier friendships, coworkers, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, your parents, like, whatever it is if you do not resolve that conflict, it is just piling under a rug and it's waiting for you. Whenever, the next time you move out, the next time you clean house, whatever it is, they will all be sitting there waiting for you, and most of the time, that's when they all come out.
Speaker 1:Is that one big argument? And you pull everything out from under the rug and you said do you remember when you did this to me? Do you remember when you did that? Do you remember? And it never got resolved. So I just want to encourage everyone out there to continue to build healthy relationships. Make sure you get that moment of resolve. It doesn't mean that you hear you're right, I was wrong. You may not hear those words, but coming back and saying what do you need from me, what could I have done better? And then making sure that, moving forward, you know how to handle it a little bit better and a little bit different, and that will create growth in that relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man. So a quick recap you want to get better at arguing. You want to get better at stepping away from arguments. You, if you want to get to a place where you're no longer arguing, like, learn to let go of your pride, even though you feel strong with where you stand. Learn to meet the other person halfway. What does that mean? Like, learn to understand their viewpoint, even if they're in the wrong. Like, learn to fight for them. Say that all the time. Before you want to fight your point, try to repeat the other person's point for them so that they understand. Wow, you really understand where I'm coming from.
Speaker 2:Another one is humble yourself. If you do not have the words, tell the person that you're in conflict with. Tell them, like you know what I need to get my words together, because I feel like I'm going to say some stuff that I'm going to regret tomorrow. If you have to come back tomorrow and say what I was trying to say, or if you say stuff like now that I think about it, that's telling the person that you're arguing with or that you're in conflict with that you weren't thinking about it before. Or you use words before that you have to take back. That's what you're doing. Another one is we just said it right now like learn to remove comments and phrases like you always do bop, bop, bop, or you never do dot dot, dot, cause that makes it, that derails the argument, and now you start arguing about other things. Learn to stay focused, man, and so is that it.
Speaker 1:I think that's all of them, and then resolve it. Yeah, resolve it. That's the last one was resolve it.
Speaker 2:Oh. And then we always say like, ask the person, like what can I do?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what do you?
Speaker 2:need from me. That's always big. What do you need from me to you guys? Don't forget, hit that thumbs up, hit that like button, send some love to as well. We love you guys. Um, we got a list of people that we just want to shout out. I don't have that list in front of me right now, but all of our lists shout out to some new um um subscribers like Emily.
Speaker 2:We see you, you've been, I know you've been messaging Danily and we've been hearing from you, and so that's really cool. Of course, wayne man, you're faithful man, love you, bro. There's some other people too. Is it from Pasadena? Is it Ray, raylyn, or I can't Reina Reina, is it Reina? Yeah, yeah. So, anyways, we got a whole list. I wrote it down the other day and I didn't bring my list. So, anyways, we'll give you shout outs on the next time. We got some hats, we got some hoodies, things like that. You guys can go ahead and buy that merch. Represent LDC. Yo, send us a DM, send us a message on IG. How can we help you guys out? How can we be praying for you? How can we come alongside you? Life was not meant to be done alone, so we're here to help you grow a deeper relationship with God, others and yourself. So till next time, peace.
