LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
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LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
Unraveling Soul Ties: Good Soul Ties | Bad Soul Ties & What To Do About Them
This episode explores the concept of soul ties, discussing their formation, implications, and the distinction between healthy and unhealthy ties. The hosts share personal experiences and provide actionable insights for listeners to help them evaluate and, if necessary, break free from negative soul connections, emphasizing a journey toward greater spiritual health and well-being.
• Definition and understanding of soul ties
• Differences between healthy and unhealthy soul ties
• Personal stories that illustrate soul ties
• Role of introspection in recognizing unhealthy ties
• Biblical grounding for understanding soul ties
• Steps to break unhealthy soul ties: renounce, replace, seek accountability
• Encouragement to nurture healthy relationships
• Importance of surrounding oneself with supportive relationships
• Call to evaluate personal connections for spiritual growth
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Welcome everyone. Welcome to let's Dig the Podcast. Y'all already know why we are here. We're here to help you grow a deeper relationship with God, others and yourself. Today we're going to talk about soul ties and what it really is, and if you have it, should you keep it or should you break it? Is it healthy or is it unhealthy?
Speaker 1:I was just telling Dany the other day that I didn't realize that I had a soul tie with my ex-girlfriend deep into our marriage. After I had a soul tie with my ex-girlfriend deep into our marriage, after we were married for two or three years, I found myself often thinking of my ex-girlfriend, quite a bit like just wondering how she was doing. And then I would excuse it by saying, like you know, I still care for her and still love her. I think about her all the time, I wonder how she's doing, and I started realizing I'm like man, this probably isn't right. But several years later it just hit me this past week that that broke off of me. But I'm really curious on like, when did that break? Because I realized that was some type of soul tie or soul tie.
Speaker 2:And I always thought, man, you care for your past girlfriend more than most people would. Most people are angry or bitter or hold resentment towards their past relationships. You never did, and so I was like man, he's just a really good guy.
Speaker 1:And that's what I thought too, but I ain't that good. So we're going to break it down, but we're going to talk about soul ties. We're going to talk about soul ties. So if you're excited for this conversation, y'all already know what to do. Hit that like button. I want to take a moment and say shout out to all of our new let's Dig crew members. I want to take a moment right now to give a shout out to one of our faithful LDC members, wayne.
Speaker 2:Shout out to you man, he's always faithful man, he's solid, he's faithful, he's consistent man.
Speaker 1:It blesses my heart to know that these conversations has been a blessing to you, man, and so we hold you close and dearly to our heart. Everyone else that's part of our crew go ahead and write us back Like if these conversations has been a blessing to you. If you feel like you are growing in these conversations, like, let us know, because our goal is to make sure that everybody that's on this journey with us is getting closer to God, is building healthy relationships with those that are around them and then having a healthy relationship with themselves as well. And we've been working. We've been digging here in our household every single day, early morning, late nights, we do some crazy digging sessions.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm actually really excited about this conversation because this has actually been a topic that's been on our what'd you call it? A board. Like we kind of have these topics that we know we want to approach at some point, but we're always very prayerful, we're always very led by the spirit of what do we want to talk about this week, what feels heavy on our hearts this week, what do we feel like we need to chat about this week? And oftentimes it is the conversations that are already happening in our home. That's the whole idea of this is to let you guys in on those conversations.
Speaker 2:And so this has been a topic of soul ties that's been on our rotation for a long time and it has just never felt like, no, this is the week. And then when I brought it up today, I was like, oh, we've already been talking about this, this is the week we're gonna hit soul ties. So I'm really, really excited to dig into this. I feel like it's really important. I feel like, um, people have lots of questions about it and maybe not enough information, so I'm excited to really dig into this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you guys are ready, let's dig. I think we need to break down what even makes up your soul before we talk about soul ties, because we were always taught a soul tie is bad. If there's a soul tie, get rid of it. I've had people, I've heard people say stuff like the moment they realized someone had a relationship with someone, they said that's a soul tie. And I'm like, oh man, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:It needs to be broken it needs to be broken and a soul tie. Necessarily it's not even in the Bible like that phrase right there, but we know that the principle, the mindset, the perspective, it derives from scripture, and so I think we should talk about it. But like, let's, let's look it up right now. Let's, let's, let's talk about what makes up. My mic is falling. I'm going to set up. I feel like my mic is falling.
Speaker 2:Go ahead, I don't think so, okay, go ahead and take it from here. So if we're going to talk about soul ties, we're going to define that in a second, but first let's define our soul and what makes up our soul. So I've heard in church all my life your soul is your mind, will and emotions. Right, but I'm going to break it down a little bit more. The soul contains your emotions, your intellect and your personality. It is essentially what makes you. You makes you uniquely, you different than anybody else in this world. Right, it carries our thoughts, our desires and our affections. Therefore, those things influence our actions. I'm going to say that again. It carries our thoughts, our desires and our affections, and all of those three things influence our actions yeah, and soul ties when I think about it.
Speaker 1:There's, it's twofold right there. There it's. So it's your soul, like you said. It's who you are, makes you who you are, it's your personality, it's your taste yeah, it's your, your preferences, those things.
Speaker 1:That's just specifically you, but a tie, a soul tie together. It talks about these two individuals, these two items, these two nouns that are connected, yeah, by the soul. We have a soul tie. We sure do. You and I have a soul tie, yeah, and for so long we never considered this a soul tie yeah, I don't think it's shared enough or spoken enough that there are healthy soul ties.
Speaker 2:There are godly soul ties. We are a godly, healthy soul tie. We are knit together by who we are and by God connecting us together, and we're knit together emotionally, physically, spiritually, and so therefore, we have a healthy, godly soul tie. And so I'm'm gonna clear my throat my throat.
Speaker 1:Yo I caught the flu I caught the flu like what two weeks ago yeah, and there's a everybody's catching everybody's everywhere and I can't believe I caught it that is, and I was I was down for a few days too it was.
Speaker 2:It was definitely a way of never seeing you in very many years like I've not seen you that sick in so long so he's still recovering, y'all. He sprayed his little throat spray before we started. It's the mucus clearing out and things like that.
Speaker 1:But we have a. We have a soul tie, yeah, but let's go back to what I said earlier when I was saying how I had a connection with my ex-girlfriend. We were intimate, we crossed boundaries, we went too far. While dating, we did things that married people should be doing. We connected physically, we connected emotionally, we connected mentally, even after we broke up their dysfunction. Now I'm talking about something from 17 years ago, 18 years ago, more than that yeah.
Speaker 1:Before, before we got married. But we we dealt with it slightly Like when. I remember when I was going to marry you I wasn't with my ex-girlfriend anymore but she was still around, she was still going to the church, stuff like that. We're all. Everybody was nice and polite. But I remember telling her hey, I'm marrying Danny Lee, right, I'm moving on, like so, whatever is between us, like there's no hope. There's no hope, nothing's like, nothing's going to happen. Yeah, we get married and in my head I'm thinking like I'm good.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But after being married for a while a year or so I always say like, yeah, man, I still care for my ex-girlfriend Like I, I love her, I still hope the best for her, I think about her quite often, all those type of things. They ever thought nothing about it. I thought that was good. Right, you thought that was healthy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I thought that was good, even entire marriage. Like she reached out, like and she was even curious like hey, should I still keep waiting? Like should there be something here? Like should I be? And the fact that I even entertained that question, I just thought I was still being a good guy.
Speaker 2:Right, and while I'm sitting over here still squirming a little bit of like ladies, hold me back. Like, like I'm a fight. Somebody Like should I wait for you?
Speaker 1:Like me, and the girls can talk about this later, but I'm just saying like yeesh but it's true, that's a conversation for another day, because you shouldn't be fighting her, you should be fighting me that's fair, but I think so oftentimes soul ties are literally created when two people most often not always, but most often they're committing sin together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's why most of the time it is intimacy thing outside of marriage that creates that bond.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's. I think that's the most common soul tie that we know of, the most common soul tie that is talked about and the most common thing that the word soul tie is attached to Right, it's about sexual immorality.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you're opening yourself up to the other person that you're being intimate with. It is the most vulnerable place that you are in with another person.
Speaker 1:It is, but I don't really want to talk about that right now. I mean, we can talk about that, but I think we need to take a moment and really identify, you know, the healthy soul ties and triggers or indicators that maybe, like yo, this might be a soul tie. I wish somebody would have told me, or I wish we were educated enough early on in marriage.
Speaker 1:Right to know that that was a little bit more than just being nice, yeah there you go, like for you to have been or someone to have been, like yo P, like you think of your ex-girlfriend too much or you consider her too much, or you like you wonder how she's doing too much, or like you keep saying how much you care for her and you still have love for her, things like that. And I'm like now I'm looking back and of course, that soul tie was broken. It has been broken for many, many years.
Speaker 1:Why? Because it's been replaced with a healthy soul tie. Yeah, and I think that's what a lot of people struggle to understand that when you're trying to break a soul tie, what a lot of people struggle to understand that when you're trying to break a soul tie, when you're trying to break some type of negative connection that you have with a person, an individual, it could be someone that you were intimate with, it could be a coworker, it could be a best friend.
Speaker 1:It could literally be a Mr and Mrs Smith situation, a Bonnie and Clyde situation. Very true, it could be like yo, my ride or die. Very true, it could be like yo, my ride or die, I'm like your ride or die. Y'all go about to ride or die to jail right now. Right, it's a soul tie and so one of the things that really helps with breaking soul ties which we'll talk like later on on all the steps- yeah but it was replaced with a healthy soul tie, right, or a godly soul tie, our soul type.
Speaker 1:Yes, the bond that we had, which is first of all. It's weird even saying that we have a soul tie, or a godly soul tie, our soul tie, the bond that we had, which is first of all. It's weird even saying that we have a soul tie, because we've always been taught in this world that the word soul tie is negative but there are healthy soul ties.
Speaker 1:we see in the Bible right it talks about how David and Jonathan they were knit together like by the soul, with the soul, because of their mutual love for each other and their loyalty for each other. That was a friendly, a friendship soul tie which was healthy.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So let's talk about some healthy soul ties. Yeah. Or characteristics that would determine it's a healthy soul tie. So one of them off the top is that does that friendship relationship bring you closer to God If? It is a healthy soul tie or friendship does it should bring you closer to God?
Speaker 1:Or another way to even say if you are connected to somebody emotionally, mentally, spiritually, creatively, like whatever it is, does this relationship cause you or compel you to do good, to live a better life, to walk in righteousness? You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:The other thing I was going to add to that is you should see fruits of the spirit that come from that relationship. So I should have love, I should have patience, I should have kindness, I should have self-control when it comes to that relationship. If I'm building a relationship with a guy, a boyfriend, and I have I'm building a soul tie. I feel it coming Especially for us, like when we were dating and I we were going to know we were going to get engaged, we knew we were headed for marriage. Like we know consciously we're both going to build that connection of a soul tie. That's what we're going for. And knowing like, am I experiencing self-control? Do I have extreme anger towards you? Like all those different things like fruits of the spirit should be characteristics of that relationship.
Speaker 1:That's big. This actually made me think right now, as you're talking about it, all the different types of soul ties, godly soul ties. I have it like written down here, noted, like if you formed it should be formed through healthy biblical relationships. So marriage, that's a biblical relationship, friendship, family, discipleship. So, as you're talking about these healthy or godly soul tie.
Speaker 2:So I'm a pastor.
Speaker 1:We're pastoring people. There's people that we are connected with and they are connected to us. So there's been times in the past where I'm walking with somebody and I would get frustrated because of their connectivity towards me, or they would always want to call me and-.
Speaker 2:Wait their connectivity?
Speaker 1:Ain't that a word?
Speaker 2:I don't really know you mean their connection to you. Yeah, I just wanted to say connectivity right.
Speaker 1:Relax man, I'm trying to be brand new Guys.
Speaker 2:Pierre, be throwing some words sometimes and I'm like wait, huh.
Speaker 1:Yo, I'm trying to be brand new. I'm trying to be brand new.
Speaker 2:Okay, but their connection to you I I've been reading my encyclopedia and stuff.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. You got words for days.
Speaker 2:You got words for days.
Speaker 1:What's the word of the day?
Speaker 2:Connectivity, connectivity yeah. Okay so their connection towards you.
Speaker 1:But I realized there was a soul tie there because we had a bond, there was a connection, there was a memorable moment that connected us together. So therefore, as their disciple, someone that's been leading them right, we realized like whoa, there's a connection there.
Speaker 2:Even if you watched our last episode, like we talked about this a little bit and it actually gives a little bit better verbiage for what I spoke about of the connection with me and some girls like, as we walk through things with them and they feel very connected to me.
Speaker 2:It's actually a soul tie because we're walking through something so intimate of getting them out of a situation and into a healthier situation. They kind of form a healthy soul tie, because as we pastor them we get them to that. So that makes a lot of sense actually.
Speaker 1:Soul ties are often associated with the joining of souls through deep affection, covenant or intimacy, and so we have to determine I think everybody really needs to determine all the relationships that you are in right now Is it healthy or is it unhealthy? Is it godly or is it ungodly? Does it force you to hold on to sin? Does it force you to hold on to sin? Does it force you to take on someone else's offense? I had someone, we had someone in our life that started turning on us, and then we came to find out that they were spending time with someone else that was offended by us. They created a soul tie with that person, and they started, they took on their offense.
Speaker 1:Those are soul ties when you find yourself in a relationship, a coworker, someone, that all of a sudden you I remember a point in time when, danley, you start coming home and she started cussing all the time. Every time she'd come home she'd start cussing that she started building a bond with, started growing fond of her affection towards her and you guys became connected through the soul.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's why it said like the characteristics of your soul will start to reflect that. So, are you reflecting the fruit of the spirit, you're reflecting godly characteristics, or are you reflecting what that person does, which is drop bombs, cuss words, like trying to maneuver the system, trying to like be a little dishonest just here and there, like what are you reflecting what's coming out of that relationship?
Speaker 1:That's why I get concerned, as like as a church leader, as a pastor, when I hear stories of other pastors who have fell, other pastors who have fell into sin, made poor decisions and come to find out that they were doing it. For years They've been meditating on these thoughts. They were living those type of lives. I think about who were they connected to? Who did they have soul ties? Who was their mentor? Because whoever was their mentor, whoever they looked up to, whoever they admired, probably lived that type of life. You know, the only time in my life where I considered divorce the most was when I was around people who's getting ready to do it, or had just done it, or had just done it, yep, and I was getting spending time with them. I started building bonds with them. We started having moments together. I started getting connected. The moment I started to detach myself from them, then I had a clear mind. I'm like yo, this is not a way to live. You know what I'm saying. We have a healthy soul tie and it's through our intimacy, it's through emotional connection, it's physical connection.
Speaker 1:For example, I have a soul tie with my mom, or I guess I can say I had a soul tie with my mom because she just passed. This year We'll make it three years since she's passed, but I thought about her all the time. Every time I was around her I wanted to do good, I wanted to make her proud. Like she challenged me all the time. Some of my biggest quotes that I hold onto right now in my life it's stuff that she's told me ever since I was a child. Some of the way that I pray is how my mom taught me how to pray when I was five and six. I still remember the prayers that she would give to me, lead me in at bedtime at the age of six. At the age of five, I had a connection with her.
Speaker 1:I have a sibling right now I don't have a connection with at all. I don't think about them. Like you know, the relationship is not there. We fell off many years ago. Like there's no hate there, but there's no connection there, right, and so I think people just need to really process everything that's in your life, like even when it comes to intimate emotional, sexual soul ties, right, whether you've been in a relationship with someone, you've gone too far. Like you start. You find yourself thinking about them all the time. You know, even if it's someone that's in your life, where you wake up in the morning, you find yourself thinking about them all the time. If, if you're wondering if they're watching you, if they're with you. If you go on social media and you're looking through your likes and you're looking through your views and you're wondering to see if they're in there and you get upset if they're not, you get sad. If they're not, you get sad. If they're not. You may have a soul tie.
Speaker 2:So let's talk about some of those other characteristics of a soul tie. Um, I think that another characteristic of is that you're unable to set boundaries with them. Like if you have a friendship or relationship or working friend, whatever it is, and you have a very hard time setting that boundary with them, it could be a soul tie. I had a client the other day. I set a boundary real quick. I was like, nope, I'm not available, and like it didn't hurt me and I'm a people pleaser, Like I'm still working through that.
Speaker 2:So most of the time that would be very hard for me to do With this person. There's no tie there. There's no, I don't feel. I don't feel, um, indebted to them and loyal to them and all these things. Like Nope, I'm not available, I'm so sorry, it was fine. But if it was someone that I had much more of a deeper connection with, or I was afraid to let down, or I didn't want to hurt their feelings, or I'm tiptoeing around what I know I need to do, but I'm so worried about their response that could be a soul tie. Um, so I think that's really important to consider. Let's talk a little bit about what the bad soul ties look like the unhealthy.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of unhealthy. You know I had a soul tie with pornography for a while. I think a lot of people don't realize that's a soul tie. You build these virtual relationships with people.
Speaker 1:That's wild you find yourself seeing them. We brought porn into our marriage for a season and there are times when we were being intimate and I was having sex. We were having sex with each other, but my mind was somewhere else. My mind was wandering and drifting and thinking about other people. Those were soul ties that I had to break. That's a soul tie that needs to be broken. Now, when we have sex, my mind is on you. I'm thinking about you because there's a healthy soul tie and there's no conviction Like an indicator is. If you feel bad about it, if you feel like it's a dirty little secret, if you feel like if somebody was reading your thoughts right now you'd be so embarrassed, it's an indicator that you may have a soul tie. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Another part of we talked about. The healthy soul tie pushes you towards God, so obviously we can clarify that an unhealthy one pushes you towards sin.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it takes you away from God, and it pulls you away from God. Yeah, you would feel shame, you would feel disgust.
Speaker 2:Shame is a huge one. Yeah, Shame will literally isolate you.
Speaker 2:It will cause you to like cover your own self keep yourself from everybody Like it literally, and it most of the time that shame actually keeps you from the people that are able to pull you out of it. Most of the time that shame is a tactic of the enemy to put that over your mind. To put that over your head and for you to feel so shameful you can't go to the one person who could actually say this is what you need to do to get out of that, that's what you need to do, and then you have to cut this off, and then you have to do that Like shame literally freezes you into isolation, so that you cannot even get someone to help you get out of it.
Speaker 1:That just made me realize right now I pulled up my thoughts of what you're saying the soul represents the essence of a living being. It encompasses the whole person, integrating both physical and non-physical aspects. So there's it's exterior and it's internal too as well. There may be things that you feel on the outside when you're in these moments, like right now. You, before we started this recording, you were reading something on your phone and I came and put my body against your body. I felt love, I felt connection. You did. I didn't feel, yeah, and I got. I got felt some heat run through my body too.
Speaker 2:Take it easy, sir. The crew's not here for this conversation. Take it easy.
Speaker 1:LDC. Come on, we digging, right, we digging. But I felt like, I felt joy, I didn't feel shame, yeah. And there's been other times where if another woman were to come to me and touch me or hug me or did something, if I felt the same type of heat or warmth, I felt shame, right, because there's these non-physicals and physicals.
Speaker 1:The soul is often associated with life, consciousness, intellect, will, emotions and moral awareness. Moral awareness so another woman comes to me, hugs me in a certain way or touching me, and something doesn't feel right. I'm aware of it and I my goal is to acknowledge it, renounce it and do something about it. Accountability. So I confess to you all the time, like just today, before this recording, I was telling you that there was there, there was, is a woman in our life that there's some boundaries that I think or sense or feel that some lines and boundaries may be getting crossed, but I'm not sure, right. But there's this moral awareness, totally that I'm like there's no soul tie here, but I'm aware that this type of behavior can cause a soul tie, right, that this type of behavior can cause a soul tie Right, Whether it's intentional from the other side or not.
Speaker 2:Because it may be intentional, it may be completely unintentional from the other side.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man.
Speaker 2:But it's your job because we have a healthy soul tie. It's your job to guard that line. It's your job to make sure that it doesn't get crossed.
Speaker 1:What are some other things that you feel like are more like unhealthy, ungodly soul ties that that should be identified and broken?
Speaker 2:I you mean like a characteristic, like another, like what it looks like. I think another one that comes into play with these situations is that the person can lose their identity in that relationship male, female, whatever like and even it's kind of goes back to what you talked about of even when I'm around a different coworker. So think of the girl to girl converse like relationship the coworker like you actually lose who you are because you start to reflect that other person's identity.
Speaker 1:Okay, so yes, let me rephrase my question. Well, no, because I actually like your answer right now, and let me give a better question to dial in on that. What are more behaviors or indicators that you are partaking in an unhealthy soul type?
Speaker 2:So that would be you're losing your identity If you are questioning the choices that you're making. Or maybe you're not questioning the choices you're making. You're just making choices that normally you would not make. I talked about it earlier. Like when you're ready to like trying to cheat the system, but maybe you're normally a rule follower, but when you hang out with that coworker you're fine with cheating the system with them because they do it all the time. Like when you are changing who the core of you are. That is when you know you're in an unhealthy soul time.
Speaker 1:It's almost like your moral compass is off.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, what? You should be right, what used to be right. You're okay with it being wrong.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And what you know was wrong, you're justifying it to be right.
Speaker 2:Totally and in the same breath of that identity. It is also that you forget what you actually want out of life or what you're supposed to do. Like you start questioning, like maybe you always said I'm going to be a doctor, but all of a sudden, with this soul tie, you're like actually I don't really know if I want to do that?
Speaker 2:Like, how many times have we had conversations with people where we talked to them one year and they're like no, I'm going to school, I'm going to go do this, and then I'm going to do this and I'm going to do this. They get in a relationship with a bum. Forget all of it. It all goes out the window. You've literally lost your identity because you're in an unhealthy soul tie and it is causing you to forget who you are yeah.
Speaker 1:So another characteristic or behavior trait.
Speaker 2:Talk about it more, because I don't understand what you're saying.
Speaker 1:Basically, somebody becomes your god oh, got it. Somebody becomes your genie in the bottle. Yes, you find them to be the one that answers all your questions. You run to their feet. Yeah, you run to their calls Like you bow down at their thoughts. And some people say, come on, pierre, that's a little extreme Bowing down. Run to their feet. Okay, let's just say it in practical ways. Like you run all your thoughts by them, like you ask them to answer all your questions, you find yourself being stuck in life if you haven't heard from them. You find yourself wanting to be approved by them.
Speaker 2:You want them to confirm and affirm you and you take everything personal from them, everything personal.
Speaker 1:You and you take everything personal from them, everything personal. So this may be an idolatrous attachment, which is a soul tie, because jesus said it, god said it, that you should have no other gods above me. So true. So when you find yourself like attached to someone and they become your god, or a genie bottle or your person, that affirms you right. This may be someone that you have an unhealthy or ungodly soul tie.
Speaker 2:I'm just literally trying to wrap my head around what you said, because a lot of times we do not see people in our lives of like, oh, they became a God, oh, they're my God. You don't see it like that. What would it naturally feel like if I'm just going about my life and I just can't wait until that time of day when I run into that person and I'm thinking about them all the way up to that moment and then I'm thinking about them all the way after that moment until the night, like cause you're? Like nobody really says, oh yeah, you're my God. Nobody says that. It is so subliminal.
Speaker 2:So, I'm like what would that feel like? What would that look like in a day-to-day relationship? So yeah, you're right. Or like, I'm wearing a certain outfit just so I can get this person's attention. I am waiting for them to say they like my outfit and if they don't, I'll prompt them. Hey, don't you like my outfit? Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2:It's all of those little things of being, and it becomes. They become an idol to you, where they you are like, yearning for their attention, their affirmation and, honestly, as believers, that should not come from anyone but the Lord but the Lord.
Speaker 1:And let me, let me, and let me pause right now and say this too as well, for all people, for all the people that are listening, that are extremists and you're taking every single word that we're seeing like it's Bible. No, we're just mentioning and identifying indicators that may state that you may be on track to building a soul tie or you may have one it's. I want to encourage everybody to take an inventory of your heart, of yourself, of your mind, your spirit, and really ask yourself these questions Am I attached to this person? If this person were to walk out of my life, if I didn't have this person in my life, what would that do to my moral compass? What would that do to me as an individual? If you have a coworker that you work with, that you find yourself you only go to work because you enjoy that person's time. It's okay to have a friendly, godly soul tie. We see it in the Bible. It happens all the time. If I'm discipling somebody, that's a soul tie, it's a godly, it's a healthy soul tie because it pushes that person to do well. But I cannot. I have to set boundaries so that I don't become this person's idol, I don't become this person's God.
Speaker 1:So this is a conversation that we really want to encourage everyone to really take a moment and have an inventory moment of yourself, look at your heart and really process and think all the relationships that are in my life. Like, are they just healthy, are they unhealthy? Are they core relationships, are they close relationships or are they just casual relationships? Because if you just have a good time with someone, you love having fun with them, things like that, this may not be a soul tie. So relax. Like this is not us saying that that's a soul tie because you like being with them, there's nothing wrong with that. They're a close friend. Like so I just want to say this so that everybody really knows. Like this is not us saying that, hey yo, if you feel this, boom, it's a soul tie. No, we have to just take an inventory and really look at ourselves and really think and process the state of all of our relationships that we're in.
Speaker 2:It's so true, cause there are characteristics of it and we want to be really clear that we're not here to say you have a soul tie, get rid of it. Like that's not our job. Our job is to bring awareness, to bring the Bible and say, hey, here's the guidelines. Now you decide is this healthy or unhealthy for you? Um, and then even if you say like, okay, this is a healthy relationship, it's a healthy friendship, but there are characteristics that could become unhealthy, I need to guide it, I need to make sure I don't let that cross the line, I need to set boundaries, and then if you can't set those boundaries, then we're back to the circle of it looks like an unhealthy bond.
Speaker 1:Yep. So if you're in any relationships and it's a deep connection whether it's a family member, whether it's a friendship, it's a partnership, it's discipleship, it's an intimate relationship I want to encourage everyone to really evaluate and see what level of connection is this relationship at. Does it honor God? Would God be pleased with this friendship? Would God be pleased with this partnership that I have with somebody? Does it honor God? Would God be pleased with this friendship? Would God be pleased with this partnership that I have with somebody? Does it honor God? And if it does not honor God, when it does, when, when there's a soul tie that is unhealthy, it's contrary to God's will. Like I want to encourage everyone to really seek freedom through repentance and prayer.
Speaker 1:So, repentance, what is that? It's as easy as just. Well, it's not easy. There is steps to it.
Speaker 1:But what I'm saying is, like, the first step is repentance. It's acknowledging and confessing that, okay, this is wrong, this is ungodly, this doesn't please God. I feel shame, whether it's sexual immorality or idolatry. Acknowledging that this is wrong, that's the very first step. Don't be in denial. Honestly use your mouth and confess it. Right? You know what I'm saying, right? That's the first thing. Second thing is forgiveness, like forgive that person even if they don't know what they were doing, that they caused this bond with you. Or the second one part of that is forgive yourself. Yeah, forgive yourself Like I'm not trying to put you on the spot right now, but you've been sexually abused, yeah, and I don't know what that was like.
Speaker 1:Like, did you feel like there was some type of you were indebted to these people? Did you feel like you still had to stay connected? Did you find yourself thinking of them, like, were you still connected to them, like emotionally or mentally? Like what was that? I don't know? Like I'm not trying to put you on the spot, but I do think, like sexual abuse is one of the biggest ones. It's the biggest category. So many people go through it and so many people do not deal with it. Not deal with it. They don't acknowledge it.
Speaker 2:They don't forgive the other person and they don't forgive themselves. I think it took a long time to even acknowledge it for me. Like I really, because I cared about that person as a friend, I really did not want to attach that phrase sexual assault. I didn't want to put that on that person. No, because they're so much fun and they're my friend and I love them, and so that took a really really long time to even decipher that. So I didn't have anger. I I did have shame for sure Didn't want anyone to know that. That was even hard for me to tell you once. I told you.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So as someone who's been sexually abused, do you feel like you formed some type of soul tie with your offender?
Speaker 2:I would. Yeah, I mean, the point of it is that it was, it was unwillingly, because the assault was not. You know, it's always like one sided when it's a sexual assault. So, yeah, I would say yes, and I never wanted that.
Speaker 1:And that's an indicator that it's a soul tie that doesn't please God For sure, because marriage is a willingly. It's a willing soul tie. Right Friendship, family, partnership, discipleship these are relationships that please God. Yeah, and if there's a soul tie, a connection, a bond of the souls between the two individuals, and it pleases God, it pushes the two to live in righteousness, even if you are a couple and you are dating and you're not married and you are already having sexual activities with each other, I'm going to tell you right now first of all, stop referring from it, because you need to reserve this for your spouse, you need to reserve this for the one that you are married to, because that is a covenant that God honors. What you're doing right now, god does not honor it. But what I'm saying is, if the two you feel shame, if the two you feel like man, this doesn't please God, this is ungodly, then you may be forming a soul tie, but you guys are on track to having a healthy soul tie. I would say pause and stop what you're doing, repent, acknowledge it. But both of you guys are on track to having a healthy soul tie. If you pause, refrain, you repent, you get married and you start a healthy bond that pleases God. But if it's a soul tie that was unintentional, we didn't try it we feel shame, we feel embarrassment, we don't want to talk about it. If someone was in our thoughts right now, we would just crawl to a little cave and die. Those are indicators it's an unhealthy soul tie. Yeah, absolutely yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 1:Another thing that I want to say steps to breaking a soul tie, it's renouncing the tie. It's renouncing the tie like renouncing the tie, like verbally, using your mouth to renounce it. Say and this like renounce it through the connection that you have in jesus christ, because he's the only one that can break any soul ties, any, um, like bondage that you may have. Yeah to any attachment to somebody else. Jesus is the only one. You can't do it in your own strength, you can't do it in your own willpower. You might be able to do it for six days, seven days, maybe a month or two, a little bit Right, you know, that's the cool thing. Like you actually like when you do it in Jesus, you don't actually don't even have to keep count of days because it's broken. Yeah, when, because it's broken when you do it in your own power. Because I'm seven days strong, I'm like, oh wow, look at you.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying don't count days, like I know people that are counting days because they're proud of it and they use it as a testimony to encourage other people. So again, for those extremists out there, I'm not saying well, pierre said, if I'm sober, don't count days, count your days, all right. What I'm telling you is like you can't do this in your own strength. So renouncing those ties like, for example, saying like I break every ungodly soul tie with the person, say the name of the person and release and say like I release myself from any spiritual, emotional, physical bond that is not from God, release them, release yourself that's one of the steps to renouncing the tie.
Speaker 1:Another one is another step to breaking ungodly soul tie or unhealthy soul tie is spiritual renewal. So like replace unhealthy attachments with deeper relationships with God In prayer scriptures, replace them with healthy attachments. You know, I think like one of the tough things that we see in church all the time is when somebody breaks a soul tie, or we teach people to break a soul tie, or sometimes we push legalism or we push laws Don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this. So, basically, you told me everything I can't do, right, what should I do?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1:I think we need to do a better job, even for me as a leader, as a pastor, as a disciple maker, is helping people replace the unhealthy with the healthy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was talking to someone last night a girl that I'm walking with and she said I don't know, I think I'm going to go do like a run or something. And I was like yes, go do it. I was like I'm not coming. I'm not running. She was like no, my friend, she has a foul coming through and I just need to get out. And I was like, yes, you need to get out more. You need to go do fun, healthy things with healthy relationships and healthy people. Like, yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1:That's one of the reasons why we say here at let's Dig, our purpose, our mission statement, is that everybody grows deep relationship with God, others and themselves. And so if you used to be on drugs, you used to be on this, you used to be on that, and in the morning you don't do it anymore. What else should you do to your body? Go work out, yes, like there's other things that you can do. Replace the unhealthy Habits don't really ever go away. You replace habits, so true, you replace habits. So true, you replace habits so spiritual, like renewal, like replacing the unhealthy attachments with healthy ones. And one of the last things, too, to breaking ungodly, unhealthy soul ties is accountability.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm going to add another one, so go ahead Surround yourself with godly counsel, so true.
Speaker 1:And the people that can support you as you walk in freedom. If somebody is in your life right now and they do not promote righteousness, if they do not promote healthy living, if they are toxic, if they make you compromise your moral awareness, your moral compass, where north, east, west, south, left and right keeps changing every single day, remove them from your life. If that relationship does not point you to please God, release that person from your life Absolutely. That's all I got to say as far as breaking ungodly soul ties, okay.
Speaker 2:I wanted to add one thing.
Speaker 2:I wasn't sure if it was on your list, but one of the other things that I think is 100% necessary to break that soul tie is to get rid of the stuff that's attached to that person, and most of these are old relationships.
Speaker 2:But you cannot hold on to the perfume he gave you, the clothes that he gave you, his sweater that smells like him, the notes that he sent you from a toxic relationship, a negative soul tie. Those things, those attachments, those are only attachments that are sitting there in the new season. You cannot go to that new season because this is holding you back. This is just got a little, a little hook inside of your heart and you have to get that out. So I, for often like most of the time it's girls right we hold onto those little treasures, those little trinkets, those little things that make us feel fond of a former time. But until you realize that season is over, you have closed that door and you have torn that soul tie and broken it. Those things have no place in your life and they will keep you attached as long as you allow them to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, that's exactly it. I remember when we first got married and I realized that my ex-girlfriend was running through my head more than I would like for it to happen. Anytime I heard any songs that reminded me of her, I changed the channel.
Speaker 2:I turned it off.
Speaker 1:I deleted it from my playlist Of course songs would do that, man, because music is one of the only things that can get into your soul without you even letting it. It just happens, like you know what I'm saying. So I hope this conversation is really blessing everybody. I hope everybody's really being challenged to really take inventory of their soul, to take inventory of their minds, their heart and really evaluate all the relationships that are in your life. If there's somebody in your life right now and you know that God is pleased with that relationship God is pleased with your attachment that you have to this person I want to encourage you to nurture it. Reach out to that person and give them a shout out, have them, hold you accountable.
Speaker 1:If there are people in your life right now that it's an ungodly soul tie, it's an unhealthy soul tie, like it's an attachment that you have that God is not pleased with it. It pulls you from God, it causes you to sin, it causes you to walk in unrighteousness, it causes you to compromise your moral compass, then do everything that you can to release it. Renounce them, forgive them, forgive yourself, have accountability, replace those unhealthy relationships with healthy relationships and I guarantee you, man, you will see so much good fruit in your life. You will see love start to come out. You will see joy. You'll see pace you said earlier, you will see self-control, because all the relationships around you are causing you to walk in righteousness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wanted to end with these two scriptures. The first one is 2 Corinthians 6, 14, and it says stay away from people who are not followers of the Lord. Can someone who is good get along with someone who is evil? Are light and darkness the same? And so, as we are evaluating all of our relationships and these soul ties in our life, it is so important to know like, hey, is this light and darkness, or is this light and light and we're reflecting, we're being a mirror and we're dispersing light and the love of Jesus through this relationship? Or is there darkness and light and the darkness is getting on the light? But really, I'm saying I'm trying to make you light, like which one is influencing which and which isn't pulling the other way. And then the last one is Colossians 2.2.
Speaker 2:I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love.
Speaker 2:I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God's mysterious plan, which is Christ himself. And that is the number one soul tie that matters above everything else. That's why we're here today, and that is because the most important bond that you can have is with the creator, the one who designed you, the one who gave you purpose and life and sent his son to die for you. And so I just want to encourage everyone when we're talking about soul ties, if you seek the Lord, he will open your eyes to see whether those are healthy or unhealthy, and when you have an unhealthy one, you replace it with the healthiest soul tie you can ever have, and that is to the creator. So I just want to encourage everyone, like as we're walking these through and we're evaluating all of it, just know that the Lord is here, he is close and near to you and he wants to walk with you and he wants to heal those soul ties. Once we break them, he is the only one who can heal and restore.
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Speaker 1:You can find us at Sanctuary Church right here in Orange County, 930-1115. We're in there, we're leading worship, we're preaching, we're walking with people but, more importantly, man, we are growing with the kingdom of God, and so we love you, guys, and we will.
