LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
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Jesus said, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind… and... your neighbor as yourself.”
- Matthew 22:37-39
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LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
Self Care or Selfish? Navigating Selflessness in a Selfish World
Can self-care truly enhance our spiritual and personal growth, or does it teeter on the edge of selfishness? Join us as Dani Lee and I unravel the complex relationship between taking care of ourselves and nurturing our bonds with God, family, and community. Through a personal story of adjusting to new parenthood, we reflect on how our perspectives have shifted over the years, emphasizing that self-care is not a one-size-fits-all concept. Each personality demands a unique approach to recharging, and we explore how this individual journey is crucial for maintaining vibrant relationships.
Ever wonder if hitting the snooze button sabotages your day or if your creative aspirations align with self-care? Our light-hearted yet insightful conversation touches on the delicate balance between the comfort of morning laziness and the pursuit of personal and spiritual fulfillment. By sharing the creative journey of a musician longing to release personal projects, we underscore the notion that tending to one's well-being is not only beneficial for the self but also essential for those around us. The analogy of putting on your oxygen mask first sets the stage for understanding the harmony between personal care and external responsibilities.
Through the teachings of Christ, we examine the essence of selflessness and stewardship, challenging the misconception that prioritizing self-care is selfish. Our dialogue dives into the heart of giving and serving, encouraging listeners to act from genuine sacrifice rather than convenience. Personal anecdotes reveal the often surprising rewards of selfless actions, while also inviting our audience to engage and share their insights. As we wrap up, we reach out to our community, inviting feedback and support, and promising to keep our content accessible and rooted in shared wisdom.
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What's up everyone? Welcome to let's Dig the Podcast. I am Pierre, and this is my beautiful wife, dani Lee.
Speaker 2:Hey yo.
Speaker 1:So happy that you guys are here today. I'm looking forward to today's conversation. You guys already know why we're here. We are here to help you grow deeper relationship with God, others and yourself. We're actually going to talk about yourself, just for a little bit Yourself. I've heard someone say everyone in this world's favorite topic is themselves.
Speaker 2:I want to say everyone in this world's favorite topic is themselves. That's true, but I will say for this channel I think that self-relationship is the one we've talked about the least.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I think it's the conversation that is like get somebody to start talking about themselves.
Speaker 2:And they will go on for days, and they will never stop.
Speaker 1:You'll see introverts just blossom Like man. What are you Like, right?
Speaker 2:It's true, like I've never seen that person talk that much in my life. We've asked them the right question.
Speaker 1:Start asking questions about themselves.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 1:Hey, if you guys are excited about today's conversation, or maybe you're not excited, maybe you're looking forward to it Right, For people like me, that's very like super chill.
Speaker 2:And we're never excited about nothing.
Speaker 1:I'm very excited right now.
Speaker 2:No, you're not.
Speaker 1:I'm super excited.
Speaker 2:You're not, and you're a little like smooth jazz voice on right now too.
Speaker 1:I'm very excited. If you are looking forward to the conversation we're about to have right now, hit that like button. Tell us how you really feel. On YouTube you can even hit that thanks button If you've been enjoying these, these conversations. Talk back to us, leave a review, leave a comment. Let us know that really helps us, that let us know okay, we're on the right track. And also even helps other people too. Like if you feel like these conversations have been blessing you. It's been helping you. Write a little comment, tell a review. Let others know that they want to tap into this message as well, and so I'm excited to even just talk about today and just what does it look like to even take care of yourself. I think we live in a time where it's interesting because some people think taking care of yourself could be selfish. But sometimes we have to look at it and say is it really being selfish or is it taking care of ourselves? I know for me. Oh wait, are we talking right now?
Speaker 2:Is this it Ready set? Let's dig All right, let's dig.
Speaker 1:Our son the other day asked me he was like Dad, why do you wake up so early? And I said well, if you want me to be a better dad, if you want me to be a good husband to your mom, if I need to be a good leader, a good mentor, all these things, then I need time for myself.
Speaker 2:There was a season even in our life where I did look at that as selfish you did, because it bothered me of, like how do you just wake up and just go do what you need to do and not worry about like. But I understand now. It's because I didn't understand then what self-care looks like and the importance of it. So in a season from my viewpoint it looked like you were being selfish.
Speaker 1:I like how you made it sound like it was very long time ago. You used to look at that like selfish.
Speaker 2:Bro, that was like last year.
Speaker 1:No, it was 2020 it was two years ago it's three.
Speaker 2:Like four years ago it was three max.
Speaker 1:I'm not going any higher, we are not arguing about this.
Speaker 2:It was not at this house, so it was in pasadena maybe exactly so. It's four years ago and, to be fair, I had a newborn, so that's why I thought you're very selfish, of like, oh, you just got to go up and go spend the time anyways. All that to say, I have grown a lot, even in how I understand self-care, how I understand how you need it and how I need it. In different ways since then, because at that point I couldn't understand it, but that was because I wasn't taking care of myself either.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what well, I think you thought you were taking care of yourself. I did think so what do you? What do you consider self-care Like? What do you consider Like I need to take care of myself? What does that look like to you?
Speaker 2:I mean, at that point when I was frustrated with you, felt like you were being selfish, at that point I didn't have any terms of self-care. I remember a few years ago probably two years ago I was in therapy and something that kind of like gives me a lot of anxiety is sometimes I feel like our life never stops because you have the week, that's always busy, but us, being at a church, we're busy on the weekends also. So sometimes it feels like life never stops. And I remember my therapist saying like, well, what do you do for self-care? And I was like I don't know.
Speaker 2:I just I go to the gym, I do my nails, I do my hair. And he was like, yeah, none of that is self-care, danny Lee. And he was saying how you have to be more perspective of your personality and what does your personality need. So for you, gym was self-care, because you are more of an introvert and an internal person. And so when you go to the gym and you're all by yourself, like in your own world, that can mean self-care for you, not that I'm saying that's the only way, but it can work for you. I'm an extrovert, so when you put me in the gym with my headphones on. That doesn't feel feel my cup.
Speaker 1:It's like work, it's a discipline.
Speaker 2:It's a yeah, it's something that I have to be consistent with to take care of my body. And so that's kind of what he was saying of, like, I don't, none of the things that you've just listed are self-care, but the world tells us that like, oh girl, get your nails done, get your hair done, let's self-care. But actually that's actually just taking care of your body, that's just maintenance. It's not something that fills your tank and is actually self-care to like give yourself that peace or like to take care of yourself in a different way.
Speaker 1:I I kind of want to argue that why, because I I just don't think it's a one size fits all. So, for example, using the gym, perfect example, like something that is maintenance for someone else is self-care for someone else.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so what are you arguing? Because I just said that.
Speaker 1:Meaning like taking care of your nails can be self-care, not maintenance. Sure Right, I think there's.
Speaker 2:But I literally just said that for the gym it can be self-care for you, but for me it's not, because it's it's a discipline, it's something I have to do.
Speaker 1:Right, and I just think, throughout the years of us being together, there's times where certain things were going back and forth from the left side to the right side. It was fluctuating back and forth. That's what I'm saying, Depending on where you were in your life. There was one time it could have been like I'm being selfish, like whatever. This is me, me, me, me, me. I'm going to sneak out, go get this thing done Right. Other times we're like or we talked about this before like people hiding money to go take care of themselves, or is that?
Speaker 2:taking care of people to know that you had the money. Not that we've done that, but we know people that have done that.
Speaker 1:We know people that have done that Right. So I think, ultimately, I feel like so many times we get caught up in trying to mimic what someone else is doing. So I know there's a lot of guys that look up to me that always ask me for my what, what does my day look like, Like my schedule when I wake up? And so there's some people that try to mimic that and I'm like yo, I'm not telling you to wake up at 5 am in the morning. I'm waking up at 5 am in the morning because my kids got to be up at 6.30 and I'm an introvert and I need to take care of myself before I spaz out on these kids, and so if they, they want a dad to be like good morning child, Good morning my children.
Speaker 2:That's so creepy. How did you sleep last night? Stop doing that, oh come snuggle daddy.
Speaker 1:The only way I'm going to be that way is if I need a good, solid two hours to myself, by yourself.
Speaker 1:By myself. So I think some people try to just copy and paste other people's lives just because they want to mimic. They want the same fruit and I just think you can take a tree and plant it in different States, different type of ground, and it will not produce the same fruit. I think people really need to stop and really process. What does it look like to take care of myself? Also, what does it look like I'm only taking care of myself? Screw everybody Right, cause it's different? I've been in those seasons where I was very selfish selfish meaning like I actually took care of myself for me. I think that's selfish versus.
Speaker 1:I take care of myself because of my contribution to society, to others, for the benefit of my children, my wife, my peers, the people that I lead, and that's why I take care of myself.
Speaker 2:I think that's a very good definition.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I think. I think the difference from the two is, if you're selfish, it means you take care of yourself just for you. All you're doing is thinking about yourself.
Speaker 2:So what do you do to take care of yourself, besides wake up at 5 am?
Speaker 1:I don't do nothing.
Speaker 2:What oh?
Speaker 1:my word. Wait, what's the question? I'm sorry, I got a lollipop in my pocket. Actually I'm about to take care of myself.
Speaker 2:It's a lollipop day.
Speaker 1:I'm about to take care. I got a little dum-dum right here, y'all, oh my gosh. Okay, what do you do for self-care? What can?
Speaker 2:you do for self-care. Besides, you already told us you wake up at 5 am.
Speaker 1:Bro, you better not be sucking on the thing on the mic, allegedly Because if people hear all your slipping sounds like they'll be turning off so fast. So, all right, I'm going to make a. I think I'm going to go ahead and make a confession right now. So when people ask me, what time do I wake up? I trick them by saying well, my, my alarm goes off at 5 am.
Speaker 2:It doesn't mean what time you wake up, but I don't wake up at 5.
Speaker 1:You're such a fool, my alarm goes off at 5.
Speaker 2:You get up at 5.45?.
Speaker 1:No, I get up like 5.15. I know I get up like 5.15. Like I have like two alarms.
Speaker 2:Okay, but you're not answering the question.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, I was just this dumb. Dumb is just hitting hard right now, go ahead.
Speaker 2:All right, I'm going to ask it for a third time. I feel like I'm talking to Jordan. I'm going to say it one more time and I'm not going to repeat myself.
Speaker 1:Yes, go ahead.
Speaker 2:What do you do for self-care?
Speaker 1:Yeah, honestly for self-care. I get closer to God.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Some people might think I'm being super spiritual, but I'm not, because at the end of the day, we are spirit beings. Like when this life on this earth is over, like our soul, our spirit still lives on. Yeah, and I think so many times people focus so hard on taking care of their bodies. Yes, I go to the gym. Yes, I watch what I eat. Yes, I ride a bike and I go on walks, those type of things Like, yes, I do all that because this is the temple of the living God and God's spirit lives in me. Our body is the only thing on this earth that can contain the spirit of God. God came on this earth, made man, but the man came alive when he breathed. God breathed breath into him and boom, boom, that's us. And so our temple, our body, is very important.
Speaker 1:Right, I think there's so many people out there like they eat like crap, eat like crap and say, oh God, help me, cause sickness. There was someone I saw getting prayed for the other day and basically something was happening to like their blood pressure, like a lot of different things like that. But I looked at the person and they probably could have been maybe 80, 90 pounds overweight and I'm like I don't. I mean we could pray for you, but I have. I have a better tip better advice Stop eating at night, right, watch what you.
Speaker 1:There's so many different things like that, but what I'm saying is for me to take care of myself. It's the mornings that I get up and I just sit with God, I renew my mind, I get my spirit strengthened, I read the word of God Even when I go, like, to the gym. And there's some mornings where I wake up really late and I have to go to the gym. Right, so I get up and go straight to the gym. Right, if I'm going straight like to the gym, I'm still putting on the Bible app. Right, because I know that my spirit needs to be fed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm in, I'm not listening to garbage, I'm watching what I'm feeding myself, because by the time I get home by seven 30, my goal is to be a loving dad and a loving husband. Could you guys imagine? I went off for an hour or two, came back from the gym and I'm still mad, upset, frustrated, like irritable, like it's like where'd you go? What happened? Right, and so for me, like one of the number one things that I do to really take care of myself is literally to take care of my spirit.
Speaker 2:That's good. I heard a speaker say the other day that your mental health is directly a reflection of your spiritual health.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:And I thought that was so true because there are times where I was in therapy and I was going through therapy and I was in a really hard season, yeah, and I mean we talked about it earlier when I was talking to that therapist and I know that my mental health was not at a good place. I felt like I needed self-care but I wasn't finding it Right and I was having some anxiety and I was at. It wasn't that I wasn't walking with the Lord, I was just in a wrestling match with him. To be honest, I was wrestling with him. I was just in a wrestling match with him. To be honest, I was wrestling with him.
Speaker 2:I was struggling with where the season was that I was in and I was unhappy and so, knowing that my spiritual health was not good and I'm not talking about like for believers, it's not that we walk away from the Lord, it's not that we backslid or we, you know, took a left and we forgot who we were. No, you just go through dry seasons, you go through a desert, you go through a wilderness, and I was wrestling with God, I was frustrated and my mental health was lacking because my spiritual health was struggling.
Speaker 2:And so it you're right. It is one of the core things that we need to do when we feel like our mental health is not good, as check our spiritual health.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so big. It makes me just really think about why do we say let's dig? Right, I think all of us have been given seeds. We've been given things in our lives, whether it's our mind, it's our children, whether it's resources, business, ideas, creativity and it's up to us to determine where do we want to plant our seeds. I think about all day long. If everyone is given 24 hours in the day, what makes a difference from someone who's successful, someone who's unsuccessful, the difference from someone who has joy and someone who is unhappy, who doesn't have joy right or doesn't feel happy. I think about that. I think about okay, we all were given 24 seeds every single day. Where do you want to plant those seeds?
Speaker 1:I think so many people are digging holes and throughout their lives and they're planting their seeds. Basically, they're putting their time, their time, their resources, their assets all in bad ground and bad ground, and that's why we say let's dig. The goal is to be able to dig those roots up and really determine where do we want to plant. Jesus said it the greatest commandment is to love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, your soul and your mind. That's why we say let's dig. And then he said the second greatest thing is to love your neighbor right here as yourself.
Speaker 1:You cannot love your neighbor, you cannot love others if you do not love yourself. And he said love them as yourself. So as much as you're taking care of yourself, you should be taking care of other people, that much.
Speaker 2:And so that's the difference.
Speaker 1:Both ways. That's the difference from self-care and being selfish. Someone who takes care of themselves, you will know, because the fruit will show that they take care of others. Someone who's being selfish, someone who takes care of themselves, you will know, because the fruit will show that they take care of others. Someone who's being selfish, they're only thinking about themselves, it's just a revolving door with themselves. That's the difference and it goes against the Bible. It goes against what God has called us to do. Jesus said love your neighbor as you love yourself. So, as you take care of yourself, you're always looking out for other people. That, as you take care of yourself, you're always looking out for other people. That is self-care, and that's why we say that here at let's Dig the Podcast, our mission statement is to help you grow a deep relationship with God, others and yourself. I really believe some people have the worst relationship with themselves.
Speaker 2:It's true, and even when you think of how people love themselves, like you can't love others if you don't love yourself. And I think, even on the flip side of whether you're selfish, the opposite is true. Sometimes people don't even know their self-worth. They lose that, they forget that. I can't tell you how many times I've talked to girls and I'm like I'm encouraging them because they're sad about a relationship or something that's not working out. And I'm like I'm encouraging them because they're sad about a relationship or something that's not working out. And I'm like girl, you have to like for me, and it's taken me a while to do this. You have to think of yourself as a daughter of the King, as a son of the King. Is this what he would want for?
Speaker 1:you.
Speaker 2:And when people forget that, like oh wait, this is not up to God's standard or I'm living underneath what God even thinks of me, Like I told someone the other day. I said if you knew that God saw you valuable enough to send his only son to die for you, how much does he think of you, how much does he love you? And then you sit here and tell me that you're worthless or you aren't good at anything or you don't have anything to offer.
Speaker 1:You are crazy, You're not seeing it because you don't see their.
Speaker 2:They don't see their self worth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And it hurts my heart whenever we hear from people that have a hard time seeing their calling or their purpose or their passion or really understanding why do they exist. Because, ultimately, the answer is this get closer to God and you'll get closer to yourself. Get closer to the one who wrote off the purpose for you. Get closer to the one who actually knows a plan and has a plan for you.
Speaker 2:Miles Monroe always says that the best way that you can know something is to know the creator of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:If you want to know this, um, this like mechanical machine. The best way that you could understand this mechanical machine is if you knew the creator of it, because they're going to know the ins and outs, the nuts and bolts, every single detail, why this is created this way and that way in this way. And it's the same like mannerism for us if we want to know ourselves. Know the creator, because he knows every single nut and bolt and why this is that way and why that's created this way and like. So if you, the more you seek god, the more you can understand yourself. The more you can understand yourself, the more you can love yourself and the more you can see the worth in yourself because you were worth his son dying for you.
Speaker 1:So let me ask you a question what is something new that you're adding to your life that helps you take better care of yourself?
Speaker 2:Okay, so I know that the time change is coming this Sunday or well, when we stream this, it will be the time change day, but I am going to start waking up earlier and spending that time reading the word like before the kids get up. So the kids get up at six 30. I'm going to make it a goal to wake up at six, Like I've been feeling that for the last week or two.
Speaker 1:Is it something that you feel like you have to do? Is it something that you want to do?
Speaker 2:No, I want to do it. I want that time in the morning Like I want to be that person that makes it a priority to have the quiet time before the kids get up, to be disciplined about it. Listen, listen to y'all. I love to snooze my phone. I love to hit the snooze multiple times. I will set the alarm early so that I can snooze it multiple times.
Speaker 1:It's if, honestly, if, if hitting snooze was a career, you could probably teach courses on how to hit snooze.
Speaker 2:It just like it makes me think that I get to like stay in bed longer even if I didn't, if I set the alarm earlier, and it just makes me like soak in those extra 10 minutes of my bed.
Speaker 1:I love my bed, which the crazy thing is like if you look at the research and the science behind it. I don't know all that. I'm not a scientist, All right. Um, I am an FBI private investigator, but I'm not a scientist. But if you look at the science behind it, hitting snooze is actually worse for your sleep.
Speaker 2:I know it actually causes more fatigue.
Speaker 1:It causes more fatigue. I've been able to break that habit. You know what I did. I told you what I did. I had the fastest snooze button. I had the fastest snooze button. Yep, I remember which is crazy, crazy.
Speaker 2:I did not take part in that change my life but I do. I like this is something that I want to have that time, like in the morning by myself. You're already gone to the gym usually, so the kids are asleep, like I can do that, and so, um, yeah, so that's my new goal that's coming up. What about yours just gonna rest in god's?
Speaker 1:presence, oh lord, that's what I. What about yours? Just going to rest in God's presence, oh Lord, that's what I do to take care of myself. Wild yeah man, honestly, like I, I'll be honest with you guys. You guys already know this I'm a musician, I'm a producer and I spent a lot of my time taking care of other people's music, taking care of other people's baby, and this new year I want to like release my music. I haven't done it in a couple of years.
Speaker 2:It's true, you haven't.
Speaker 1:And I'm doing it one because it's what God has put inside me, and I know that we are living in the end times, the last days, and I will be held accountable for the things that God has put in my hand that I did nothing with yeah, it's very true that I did nothing with and I do feel that and that's been like burning and stirring up in my heart Like, okay, god, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, so let's dig through.
Speaker 1:I need you guys, all right, I need y'all, ldc, to literally hold me accountable to that. I really do believe, like for this new year, I want to. I want to do it and it is self-care, but it's with the purpose of blessing others, and that's what I'm saying. That's what I feel like the difference between self-care and selfish, and I do. It's something that I really do want to do. Even speaking of self-care, do, even speaking of self-care, man, it's, I think, everybody benefits, like when everyone has the mindset of you know what? I need to be good so that we can be good. I need to be good so that we can be good.
Speaker 2:It reminds me of even when you're on the airplane and they tell you like, if you are traveling with little ones, put your oxygen mask on first before you put on the child's. Like no one can take care of the kid if you pass out because you were trying to get the mask on the kid and then you passed out or whatever. Like you literally like have to take care of yourself first so that you can take care of others.
Speaker 1:Yeah, jesus did it. If you look at the life of Christ, how many times did he say no for a situation? He was on his way. He was on a mission, doing something, and someone tried to pull him off his path to do something and he was like no. How many times was Christ in moments where the disciples wanted to stay and hang and just be focused on one thing and he was like no, we're done here, we got to go. Or how many times did Jesus actually hide and get away?
Speaker 2:I was going to say he got away a lot and what did he do when he got away?
Speaker 1:He got closer to God. He went away to pray, to strengthen himself. It was for the purpose of strengthening others. I think there are people right now that are listening to this and they struggle with that thought of taking care of themselves. They've been misled. They think if they take care of themselves, then they're being selfish. But you got to really think about who are the people in your lives that are depending on your health, your mental health, your spiritual health and your physical health. Like that's the reason why Jesus said to love God with all your mind right, your soul, your heart, your body, everything, everything. The Bible says that it's in him that we live and we move and have our being. So if you can't move right, If you're hurting, if you feel like God has called you to do great things right but you're crazily overweight're, your heart condition is is in a certain condition because of how you've been eating your health that's poor stewardship on on ourselves, Like it's mismanagement.
Speaker 2:Your body is a temple.
Speaker 1:Our body is a temple. So I really do believe. Like there are people that are deceived and they think well, you know, I don't have time to eat because I'm so busy feeding other people. You ever heard that story of the old bakery, a baker that he went hungry because he was so busy? He actually got unhealthy and got sick of starvation because he was never eating his body, the stuff that happened inside of his stomach and things like that, because he was so busy feeding other people.
Speaker 1:Well, if that's how you live, you're going to live a short life and the people that are depending on you are trusting that you are taking care of yourself. Like even for me, I never want my leaders or the people that I report to to ever have to tell me to take a day off. If the moment someone has to tell you to take a day off, you're past, you're overdue for a day off. You know the bodies, your dashboard, the meters. All inside of your heart is telling you Paul, stop today. I didn't go to the gym today because I went to bed too late and I knew I still needed a certain amount of hours of sleep and rest. Yeah, so I took care of myself by resting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, care of myself by resting, yeah, even this Saturday. I have been working a lot of weekends and I turned down gigs for this weekend because I said, nope, I need a Saturday with just us as a family, like knowing that balance. And then even for that, like for work stuff, like that really is a muscle and a strength and a faith test to just rest in the Lord and know, like God, you you're going to take care of everything, you provide everything we need. So I'm going to rest with my family so that you can bless us even in that rest and in that moment.
Speaker 1:I want to talk to also for the people that are out there and you're selfish and you don't even know it and you're like well, I'm not selfish, I give. Yeah, you give to yourself, right. Or how about this? You give stuff away that you are going to throw away. I feel like that's still selfish. There's still a difference.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true. Because, you give away something that you value. That you, value you gave something away that was trash to you, so it costs you nothing.
Speaker 1:So here we have in the Bible. Jesus is standing right there by the offering container, the offering buckets, and he's watching people as they give to the church and he sees this lady come and she just gives almost what most people see looks like nothing. But Jesus looks at her and says she has given more than everybody and all the religious people that are doing. Well, they're like wait, we gave way more than her. Well, no, you're looking at the quantity of it, but the quality of it was to her she gave everything that she had. And I think there are people out there that actually can be helping more people, that can be serving more people, giving more, taking care of more people, but they're selfish and they're taking care of themselves for themselves.
Speaker 2:That is selfish, and maybe some of those people, yeah, there's no fruit, and maybe some of those people are not self there's no fruit and maybe some of those people are not self-aware enough to know, oh man, I am a selfish person. I kind of did just do that for myself and I would challenge those people to really look at your motives, really look at like ooh, why did I do that? Or why did I care so much about that, and then also to look at your personality types. That was something that really pointed something out to me of. So one of my personality types is that I can.
Speaker 2:I can be, um, self-centered in the thought of like I'm the problem or I'm the solution. So if I'm at work and they're giving a big old speech about you cannot be late, I don't care. If I've never been late in my life, I will feel like that's my fault. Or if there's at work they're like, hey, we need someone to take over cleaning the salon every day, I would feel like, oh, maybe I should do that and I'm not a good cleaner. So I I didn't learn those things about myself until I learned, like, my personality types and then I can fight that and I can be more self-aware. So even for those people that maybe they don't even realize they're being selfish because they're not self-aware enough to know. Like question your motive, question. Say like why did I care so much that that hurt my feelings? Or why did I care so much that I got to pick the one thing I wanted?
Speaker 2:You know, think about like. Question your motive of like. What is that in your heart? I've talked to that a little bit about like consumerism and what we live in, of like God, check my heart. I don't want that to be the root that I feel like I need things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Um, I think an indicator for people that are trying to figure out am I selfish? If you do something for someone else, are you happy for them or are you happy for you?
Speaker 2:And are you okay with no one knowing you ever did it.
Speaker 1:Those are indicators, and the reason why I said are you happy for them? Are you happy for you? Right, that's another indicator, right, but let's go to, let's say that one. The reason let's elaborate on an indicator that tells you that you are selfish is that when you do something for someone else, are you happy for them, are you happy for you, are you?
Speaker 2:wow, look at me right and what I did for them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or man, I hope you enjoy it, like I loved having this thing, and I'm happy for you. Ma'am, it just makes me happy to see you smile.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:If you are more happy for you, it's still about you and you're selfish, it's true. Now, the other indicator is, like you said, do you care if others know that you took care of someone else? Because if you want others to know and Jesus even said, he said, even when you give, give in a way that even your left hand don't even know what your right hand was doing, right, that's wild, huh, that's wild, like what your own hands Even give so smooth, like hey, just slip that thing in that man's hand that your left hand was like wait, what just happened?
Speaker 1:Hey, where'd you go right. Hey, what just happened? Hey, where'd you go right.
Speaker 2:Hey, righty, where'd you go your names call each other righty and lefty.
Speaker 1:You know. But those are indicators, true, and I think if you're listening to this right now, you're like dang, that's crazy. I did something and I did want a lot of people to know. I wanted to get a shout out, or I felt bad that no one shouted me out, I felt bad that they didn't hit me back or those types of things. Or the other day I was at a street corner and I remember there was a homeless guy there, panhandler, and a lot of times, if I have something, like I'll give something to them, but if I don't, I don't right. But there's times where, like, I feel bad that I don't and there's times where I'm just like I don't feel anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't know which one is, which Right, right. But what I'm saying is I'm putting the thought into consideration, I'm considering this person, yeah, and I remember telling myself that that time I said man, the next time I'm there, like if I have something, I'll give something. So I'm on a street corner and I made some lunch. Matter of fact, half the lunch was some of your stuff.
Speaker 2:I was going to say you didn't make no lunch. You took my leftovers. You told me I took your leftovers.
Speaker 1:I made your leftovers and put them together. I compiled all your leftovers. All right, I didn't have that many leftovers. I pieced it together your leftovers plus my leftovers. All right, we're not. We don't need to get into the technicalities. This is not a crime scene. All right, relax.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay.
Speaker 1:But when I got to that light, right when I saw the guy, I was like dang it, man, I was looking forward to this lunch. I'm not even going to lie.
Speaker 2:No, that's super sad. I get that.
Speaker 1:I'm not even going to lie. Oh, you guys thought the story was going to be me talking about. Oh man, look at him taking care of that guy. No, I was selfish, I was thinking of myself and I fought it. I fought it, I fought it. I was like man, I do not want to. I got a big old fat croissant in this thing.
Speaker 2:Boy, this thing going to be really good.
Speaker 1:You know I love me my bread and my croissant, and you know I'm Well. Anyways, this is like it's just so long, forever it's not turning green.
Speaker 2:You kept waiting for it to turn.
Speaker 1:Anyways, something prompted me to just do it. Just do it. You have nothing to lose, just everything to gain. Right, which in this world? It looks like we have something to lose Our lunch?
Speaker 1:No, because the crazy thing is someone took care of me that day and someone bought me lunch that day. That's crazy. But when I rolled down my and I gave my food to this guy, you know what also went with him? Like I saw a smile on him and he said God bless you, brother. And that lifted me up and you know what I gained right there, like I felt joy in that moment. I felt joy in that moment. It pleased, it made me happy. I felt happy for him to see that he ate that day. He said God bless you, and I received a blessing, his blessing, and someone blessed me that day.
Speaker 1:And so to me, I think, like for people that are still really going back and forth on, like you know, putting others before yourself or taking care of yourself, and what does that whole thing look like? Right, do I take care of me first? Do I take care of them first? It's a combination of both, but, like you said earlier, it's really the condition of your heart. Why are you doing these things? Is it so that everybody wins? The goal is for everybody to win. The goal is that, hey, I'm going to do this thing and I hope it blesses you and it blessing you blesses me Me coming home early in the morning, at 7.30 in the morning, after being at the gym, spending time with the Lord, listening to podcasts, listening to sermons, listening to the Bible, worshiping, and being able to see my kids be so happy and run up to me and give me a hug.
Speaker 1:And I embrace them with a hug Like I'm happy that I took care of myself, because my kids love me, they're not afraid of me. They know dad's not coming in all grumpy, all pissed up, thinking about me the whole time and they're just trying to stay out the way. And I think those are small indicators of like people really looking at their heart to see, okay, am I really taking care of myself when I make all decisions for me?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Meaning, like others, get to enjoy a good me, yeah, or as I'm taking care of myself. A last indicator that I want to share is for those that are really struggling with the thought of like man, am I selfish?
Speaker 2:You got to look at the end of the day and really ask yourself do?
Speaker 1:I feel fulfilled With all the decisions that I made today, all the things that I did for me, all the things that I did for others. At the end of the day, when your head hits that pillow, are you like, man? It was a good day today. It was a long day, it was a busy day, it kicked my butt, but I can look at all the fruit that was produced from that day.
Speaker 2:Because, let's be honest, someone can go to bed, lay their head on their pillow, feel fulfilled and still be darn selfish all day. But they don't have no fruit to show for it.
Speaker 1:I ain't talking about your bank account being fulfilled.
Speaker 2:They don't have any fruit to show for it. Hanukkah got being fulfilled. They're not. They don't have any fruit to show for it.
Speaker 1:They didn't impact anybody else and the fruit fruit is people. Yeah, that's the harvest Right. It's the people, cause they're the only ones that matter in this world to God.
Speaker 2:So if you're only serving yourself, there's no fruit to show for it, then you are being selfish and you need to check your heart and you need change that posture of your heart.
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