Raising Godly Children: Intentional Parenting in a Shifting World

What does it mean to raise godly children in today’s ever-shifting landscape? Imagine the pride and joy of watching your 10-year-old son, Jordan, take charge of his faith journey by consistently bringing his Bible to church. This heartwarming moment sparks a broader conversation about how we, as parents, can guide our children to impact the world positively and live a Christ-centered life, even when societal values seem turned upside down. Throughout our journey, we explore the delicate balance of giving children a say in decisions while steering them with wisdom and clarity.

Consequences are not just a part of life; they are pivotal learning experiences. As we navigate intentional parenting, we reflect on the profound differences between cultural Christianity and truly living a life centered around Jesus. It's about more than just words—it's about actions and commitments, like making church attendance as non-negotiable as school or sports. The challenges of parenting today remind us that our children often mirror our own unresolved issues, prompting us to engage in personal growth alongside them. This episode challenges listeners to rethink the role of consequences and the importance of practicing what we preach.

Building authentic relationships with our children requires love, boundaries, and lots of laughter. We discuss the necessity of establishing a biblical foundation while setting clear rules and nurturing strong connections through quality family time. Intentionality is key—from prioritizing family activities to creating a supportive church community that shares our values. By making thoughtful choices, like deciding not to celebrate certain cultural events, we express our commitment to faith and family. Join us as we encourage each other to foster deeper relationships with God, our family, and ourselves, knowing we're all in this journey of parenthood together.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Raising Godly Children in Today's World
• 10:23 Every Decision Has Consequences
• 14:36 Parenting With a Biblical Foundation
• 25:05 Establishing Boundaries With Teenagers
• 30:05 Building Strong Connections With Children
• 37:18 Intentional Parenting and Family Priorities

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

All right, what's up everybody. Welcome to let's Dig the podcast. You guys know why we are here. We are here to help you grow a deeper relationship with God, others and yourself. And, speaking of these categories, one relationship that I've been really enjoying right now is our relationship, my relationship with Jordan. He's our 10-year-old son. For those of you guys who don't know that Matter of fact, I'm just going to jump into a story. This morning this happened. I'm just going to jump into a story this morning. This happened Just this morning. I am so proud. Proud dad, like I got a little emotional, I went for my eye right now.

Speaker 2: 0:31

I went for my eye. Hold on y'all, Stop the train. Pierre said he was emotional and he touched his eye because tears were about to fall.

Speaker 1: 0:38

No, I touched my eye right now because something went in my eye.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Yes, dust, right in my eye, yes, dust right.

Speaker 1: 0:42

Sure it's called emotions, that's what went in your eye no. So you know how people be joking. They're like something's in my eye, no, something literally in my eye right now.

Speaker 2: 0:51

Yeah actually that's happened to me one time we were recording. It was the worst.

Speaker 1: 0:54

I had to just push through so go, yeah, so something's actually in my eyes, not like, yeah, no, I'm not crying, you're crying, no, literally something's in my eye. But but this morning, man, it made me so, just proud, so happy. So we left the house, all four of us in the car, and we drop off Brooklyn. She's our four-year-old guys. If you guys don't know Brooklyn, she's four. And for those of you that have been along with us for the last couple years, brooklyn, her personality has just really been taken off. Her personality is just crazy, just really been taken off.

Speaker 2: 1:23

She's just. Her personality is just crazy.

Speaker 1: 1:23

She is. She's still a raccoon and a cat sometimes.

Speaker 2: 1:26

For sure.

Speaker 1: 1:27

Because you ever try to pet a raccoon right.

Speaker 2: 1:29

That's her sometimes. I tried to kiss her yesterday and I got the raccoon Straight up raccoon, like raccoon from buddy to elf, do you? Need a hug.

Speaker 1: 1:37

Yeah, yeah, so we drop her off right and while we're sitting in the car me and jordan in the car he's in the back seat and he says oh man, dang it that chad says that all the time? Yeah, and I'm like yeah, he's like. Dad, when you pick me up today, can you grab my bible for me, my bible, and like my pencil holder.

Speaker 2: 2:03

So cute for church tonight. For church tonight.

Speaker 1: 2:06

And to hear how passionate he was about that. And today he has school, he loves school, he has flag football, he's in band, he's doing all these things that he's really enjoying. And to hear how upset he was that he forgot his Bible really like blessed me. It made me happy, really like blessed me. It made me happy. It brought peace to my heart that our 10 year old son values his Bible.

Speaker 1: 2:31

So today I want to have a conversation about what does it look like to raise godly children. What does it look like to bring in people into this world, to influence kids in this world that will impact the culture and to live, you know, a Christ-centered life. You know, and also this may not even just be for those who are parents that's listening to. Maybe you desire to be a parent one day, or maybe you just have people in your circle that are parents, or maybe you want to go back and tell your parents like yo, here's what you should have done right, or ask better questions Right. But I really want to talk about that man, because we live in a wild world right now.

Speaker 2: 3:09

I say wild, all the West side, westernized civilization.

Speaker 1: 3:12

It's wild just because of freedom of speech. It just got crazy.

Speaker 2: 3:28

Like people, just good. What is good is evil. What is evil is good, like it's literally flip-flopped in this culture.

Speaker 1: 3:34

Yo, someone showed me this, this funny diagram. It wasn't funny, it was kind of crazy. It was showing how um shootings are up and all these crazy things that are happening in America. It's up, up, up, up up. But here's what's down Calling people gay, calling people retarded, all that stuff is down. The guy was joking, he was basically. He was saying, basically, if we can go back to where we can, just say whatever.

Speaker 2: 3:59

say whatever, if those words weren't taboo then the shootings would go down. That is wildly inappropriate.

Speaker 1: 4:06

It is very, but let's dig, oh my word, let's dig Quick. Let's dig.

Speaker 2: 4:11

But yeah, man, it made me happy today, that is really cool and I know that we are in an interesting season with him. Even today we talked about like some school things about with him and I told him I said, Jordan, like you said, yeah, think about it, buddy. Think about what your, what your thoughts are and what your ideas are. And I said, yeah, Jordan, you know what. Like you're not going to make the decision. I said, but you are getting to the age where you get to have an opinion and I was like we'll make the best decision for you. And you even jumped in and said you have to trust that we'll make the best decision for you, but we do want to hear what would you like to do or what is your opinion?

Speaker 2: 4:52

And so we're at a very interesting phase with him. Listen, y'all, if you don't know, and you're not raising kids right now, 10 year olds think they are grown to the max. Like when we were 10, I still just wanted a happy meal, like some fake makeup, like it was very innocent at 10. And now how the world is, it's completely different, interesting, like um.

Speaker 1: 5:13

For us millennials and I I guess even gen xers and and baby boomers, like you guys, remember growing up life was a little bit simpler and you know, you know speaking of trust. So you're talking about trust like we. I feel like growing up we trusted our parents more. I feel like we trusted our parents more, like they would make decisions, they would make calls and we just didn't question it because we just trusted them. And it's interesting times now, like nowadays, like kids are equal to their parents, or nowadays it's like kids run the show, it's all about the kids schedule, it's everything that. Well, we got to check with little timmy's little. You know, I say I listen a little to you, like my brother's name is tim.

Speaker 1: 5:52

Literally we call him timmy right, but we got to check with little billy. I I know a few billies too. Um, I'm just gonna go through skeeter. I don't know no skeeters we don't use Skeeters. It'd be like Skeeter. Well, he's a white kid, all right. Devante Brandon, that could be white or black.

Speaker 2: 6:09

That could go either way, that's true.

Speaker 1: 6:12

Is it Brandon or Brandon?

Speaker 2: 6:15

I know a few Brandons too.

Speaker 1: 6:17

Okay, wait, actually, if he's black, he's Brandon, if he's white, he's Brendan.

Speaker 2: 6:21

Brendan, that is a hundred percent true. Oh, my word. Actually, there's someone that I their name is similar to that and you were like, no, that's not his name, cause this guy's white, and you keep calling him a black name, and I was like I don't know.

Speaker 1: 6:35

It's not Brandon, it's Brendan, all right.

Speaker 2: 6:38

Anyways, it is a very true statement, though Like number one statement, though Like number one. I think our generation is in this phase where we're learning that our parents were not perfect. When you grow up, you only see your parents as perfect. You don't see any of their flaws. But once you become an adult, you move out of their house, you start living life and having your own experiences and your own children. You start to see flaws in your parents, which is a really hard time in life, but you have to accept it. You have to learn to love your parents as they are, including those flaws, right. But I think what happens in society is that when a generation has a pendulum, one way which for our generation, our parents did not give us a voice, did not hear us, did not let us talk back, we did not have value or opinions.

Speaker 2: 7:32

in that sense, we have value, but, like you hear what I'm saying. When we became a parents, we swung the pendulum the other way and now it's all you know. What are your feelings? Do you have big feelings? Do you not have words for your feelings? What do you think? Everything had swung the pendulum completely the opposite way, where we gave our kids all this power to talk and all this power to vocalize their emotions.

Speaker 1: 7:56

You remember that movie Rocky. You probably didn't watch Rocky 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Speaker 2: 8:01

Yes, I don't remember which one I've seen.

Speaker 1: 8:03

This was the one where I think was Rocky it was maybe four or five, like he stopped wrestling or wrestling.

Speaker 2: 8:11

Rocky the wrestler.

Speaker 1: 8:12

He stopped boxing.

Speaker 2: 8:14

I saw the Russian one and the black guy one.

Speaker 1: 8:16

So after OK, the black guy, one, ok, that's Apollo. Have show some respect.

Speaker 2: 8:20

I don't know. Ok, apollo, because Creed no-transcript.

Speaker 1: 8:49

End of the movie. Like you know, rocky punches the guy, he punches him and he's like sue me for what? Right? Because rock is broke. But you know what? That's the generation we're living in right now. These kids are like whoop me and I'll sue you bomb we went through that whole story for that.

Speaker 2: 9:04

It is true, though, that our kids would. But it's true, like, even with discipline. Like we got whooped. We got whooped with a belt, we got whooped with a spatula, a twig like yeah whatever our parents could find. And now, in this generation, we have chosen to not take that route yeah but the pendulum has swung so far that now we may not discipline at all I love this verse right so?

Speaker 1: 9:24

So Proverbs 29, verse 17,. It says discipline your children and they will give you peace, they will bring you the delights you desire.

Speaker 2: 9:34

That's really good.

Speaker 1: 9:35

So when you go to spank your kids or black people say beat your kids right, no, we don't beat our kids right. But when you go to discipline your kids because spanking them is not always disciplined- Right. Right, you know there's been a lot of parents, I know for us growing up man like we. You know we got spanked because our dad was just mad. That wasn't discipline, he just pissed off.

Speaker 2: 9:53

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:54

He just mad. And that was actually. And then now I'm mad.

Speaker 2: 9:57

That's true, and that was actually the turn for us with like whooping our kids, was that I realized I didn't like how mad I got when I did it?

Speaker 1: 10:06

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 10:07

For you it wasn't a thing. You were very like, very, um, how would you describe like, very, even like very thought out, very thought out, very calculated, very intentional.

Speaker 1: 10:18

I'm going to spank them today.

Speaker 2: 10:19

Yes, I would lose my patience and my frustration. I didn't like that. So then we started leaning into more of consequences, and I heard Craig Rochelle say that consequences are great teachers, great teachers, but if we keep those consequences from our children, they will never learn what happens when, as a result of what their choices are.

Speaker 1: 10:41

If we keep that.

Speaker 2: 10:42

If we keep consequences from our kids, they'll never understand that every decision they make has a consequence, good or bad.

Speaker 1: 10:49

Yeah, I think too, like some parents don't even realize that they're just living their lives day by day with their kids and just taking it day by day, not even praying about it, not even thinking about it, not even processing, and you're not even realizing that every single day is a memory that you are making for your kid yeah well, we don't realize, like, how you react, how you respond, how you discipline, how you train them.

Speaker 1: 11:12

It's a memory. All of us can go back in life and say I remember when my dad, someone said I remember there was one time my mom and sometimes our parents will say I don't even remember that is very, but they created memories in our lives and I feel like for us as Christians, and not just Christians I'm not talking about just like Americanized, westernized, watered, cultured Christians. My grandparents were Christians.

Speaker 1: 11:37

If you go to church on Christmas, easter, you know a few of the other days some random festival, if you go for some baby dedication or you're going to get baptized or something like that, you know, a few other days, some random festival, if you go for some baby dedication or you're going to get baptized or something like that, that's culture, christianity that's just Americanized, watered down, like we just say it. Oh, I'm a Christian. Oh, really, have you given your life to Christ? Well, my mom and her grandma back? You're not a Christian I'm talking about. Christ is at the center, yeah, and we are a family that don't just believe in Jesus Right, we follow Jesus. Remember I was talking about that today? Yeah, like in the car that I think there's a big difference of being a believer of Christ and a follower of Christ. It's true, here in America, almost everybody, just everyone knows God and they believe in the existence of Jesus. True, most people believe he exists. Oh, yeah, I believe he exists. Yeah, but believing in him is different from following him.

Speaker 1: 12:36

And for us as a Christ centered family. We sat down and had conversations of like yo, church is not an option. Right, sat down and had conversations of like yo, church is not an option. Church is not. You know, like I heard someone saying like why, in the American household that so-called we call ourselves Christians, that, oh, you're going to school, you're going to practice, you're not missing out on that training, you're going to this camp, the kids say are we going to church? I don't know, maybe let's see. So true, why is church the only thing that so many families look for all kind of excuses to miss? And here's the thing. Like, if you guys are parents, no matter whatever the heck you say to your kids, listen, they just gonna watch what you do they don't become what you say.

Speaker 2: 13:26

They become what they see, whatever they're showing them you demonstrate.

Speaker 1: 13:30

So I say this as a leader in all my leadership um training I I always say don't be frustrated with what you have demonstrated, hello somebody so if you're mad because when you ate, cause your kids or teenagers or your kids don't want it, like, for example, like my, my, like, for example, jordan, there's some stuff, some foods he just will not touch, some vegetables he will not touch.

Speaker 2: 13:53

I'm not mad at him, cause you don't touch him either. I don't touch him either Me and Brooklyn will be putting down some broccoli but you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 13:59

I can't be frustrated with what I've demonstrated, yeah, and with what I've demonstrated, yeah, sure, and like parents right, you guys are. You know, if you're in a season where you're really frustrated with your kids, you really got to ask yourself okay, who do they get this from?

Speaker 2: 14:13

I heard someone say the other day that the most humbling part of parenthood is watching your children struggle with the things that you never overcame. And I had to swallow that one hard because I see that a lot in one of our kids. They are very similar to me and I watch them and I try to like help them. But even sometimes I look at you and I'm like I didn't fix this part about me.

Speaker 1: 14:35

I don't know how to fix it. There's times you'll, jordan, be acting up.

Speaker 2: 14:38

Oh, you're just going to tell him.

Speaker 1: 14:39

And I'll, I'll look at, yeah we, we digging right now.

Speaker 2: 14:42

We let them, we're letting them into our personal conversation. Jordan is wired like his mama.

Speaker 1: 14:46

Jordan will do some stuff and I'm like Dan Lee, this is straight you, I need you to come in and jump in and help this guy out.

Speaker 2: 14:52

But I look at him and I'm like I didn't figure out the solution so I can't help him because I still have a pile of clothes in my room.

Speaker 1: 14:58

That's wild, that's crazy.

Speaker 2: 15:02

So I'm like I don't have this solution. Yes, he got it from me, but I didn't master it.

Speaker 1: 15:09

So now I need you to help me teach him how to master it. Yeah, I think, too, a lot of people struggle with raising their kids because they haven't really established their own values, meaning you can't enforce something that you don't even know. So, for example, like we talk about OK, praying Right. Is praying something that we do once a day? Is praying something that we do just when we sit down to eat? Is praying something that we do when we go to church? Or have we sat down and say what does prayer mean to us? What does prayer look like to us? And I think some parents are afraid to even tap or tap into some topics because they've never really sat down and really drew the hard lines, because they'd have to hold themselves accountable to it.

Speaker 1: 15:51

That is true, Like you know what I mean, because you can say whatever you want to say about God. You can say whatever you want to say about Jesus. You can say whatever you want to say about prayer, but if you don't demonstrate it to your kids it don't matter what you say to them, like with me going to the gym.

Speaker 2: 16:05

I didn't love the gym for 10 solid years, but now that Jordan's training and he wants to be an athlete, he has a little workout plan that he does at home. But guess what? He talks himself out of it a lot and I'm like, bro, you're going to talk yourself out of it every day. It's either you decide to do it or you don't. Because that is what I have demonstrated is that mommy goes to the gym every day.

Speaker 2: 16:27

Do I want to go? No, homie, I don't. But I've known that that is what makes the difference of me being healthy. And then he'll pull it back at me. He'll be like mom, isn't this what you go to the gym for? So you can be strong.

Speaker 1: 16:37

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:37

Like bruh.

Speaker 1: 16:38

Yeah, God says. He said these commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts and press them on your children and press them, Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Like for us parents, like we need to, like we're encouraged to teach our, our kids, like God's commandments and make them a really big central part of our daily lives. It's important for us. There's some stuff that's just non-negotiable and I know it's unlike. I say this all the time. To Jordan I said you're going to thank me for this in 20 years. How often do I say that A lot. I'll make decisions and I know it's hard, but the Bible says train up a kid in a way that they'll never depart from.

Speaker 2: 17:32

I got the scripture right here, just for those of you that don't know.

Speaker 1: 17:35

This is. Proverbs 22 says train up a child in a way he should go. Even when he is old, he will not depart from it. I think so many parents underestimate that. I think all parents know that but don't even realize that training up a kid, it's in everything you do and everything that you say. When he's an old man he won't depart from it. What does that mean? When he's an old man, he's going to still remember his formative years.

Speaker 2: 17:58

And listen. I'll tell you, I've had conversations with moms that are older than me, so their children are older than you know our kids and I've had conversations with moms that planted those seeds and I have had conversations with those moms that did it, and it is a whole different factor of peace that comes with the mom who said, no, I took them to church when they were a kid. They have asked Jesus to come into their life. They may not live it right now in their teenage years, or there may be like wandering and going out into different places and they're in the mom's concerned. But the mom that knows that, no, I raised my child in the house of God and for me, in my house, we will serve the Lord.

Speaker 2: 18:38

Holding that promise from Proverbs 22 is completely different to a mom who's like I just got saved two years ago. I didn't know, I didn't. And I have to encourage that mom in a completely different way of like you didn't know. So you're walking this out with grace. So you're walking this out with grace. So you have to be really led by the Holy Spirit of what you say and what you don't push and that you are, you know like it's a completely different aspect.

Speaker 2: 19:01

So when you are a parent and you have children and you know the word of God and you know the truth to be, that if I raise them up in the way of the Lord now, when they were old, they will not depart. So I don't care what the teenage years look like, I believe that they won't have to go through that, but if they do, I have a promise to stand on to say that my child will come back.

Speaker 1: 19:23

Yeah, yeah, and you know what? I'll be honest. Um, I am proud to say that we had this revelation while our kids were young, still young, and being born. We knew that. You know my heart goes out for those that, those parents that have teenage kids that are still struggling or you're afraid to have these topics, like I.

Speaker 1: 19:45

Had the conversation with our 10 year old son about sex and about where babies come from. We've talked about it. I taught him about sex and about where babies come from. We've talked about it. I taught him about sex. I taught him about porn. I taught him about masturbation. I talked to him about everything. What does it look like to have babies outside of marriage, even the law of first mention? So, before I even mention all these things, I asked him if he's heard any of those words before, because I needed to know if I needed to undo anything. And I think so many parents are afraid to have a conversation, or they just pray that the grace of God would just cover them, or you just think your kid is innocent, man, your kid ain't innocent.

Speaker 2: 20:24

All right. The ages get younger and younger, y'all.

Speaker 1: 20:26

You weren't innocent. Put yourself back in their shoes Like where were you and you know what. At the end of the day, the Bible also just say like a parent who doesn't discipline their kid hates them. Right, you love, you love them. That's why we discipline them. That's why we do that. I love my kids so much and I see it like this man. Jesus says the kingdom of heaven is like the kingdom of heaven. It's like a master who gives talents to the servants. One servant, he gave them five. One servant he gave them three. Other one he gave them one right, or two or one, I don't remember the actual one, three, five yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:02

And I think of it as I love that parable, because that story can mean so many different things. For some it could mean resources, it could mean money, others it could mean property right. Others it could mean an inheritance. For some it could mean your children. You may think, man, I don't have.

Speaker 1: 21:18

I know some mothers like financially they're not doing well, but their kids are good, healthy, god-fearing Christ at the center of their lives. Children you tell me who's doing better the mom who got all the money but the kids are wild, or the mother who ain't got no money but their kids are locked into Christ. And so I think that that parable, when Jesus talking like the talents, like five I mean my mom had five of us she sure did and I stood and we stood right there next to her on her deathbed and she blessed us all. We released her, I held her hand, I kissed her, I said mom, you did good, we are fine, we love the Lord, we're preaching the gospel.

Speaker 1: 22:01

And your grandchildren look at them right here they fear God. Yeah, straight up, fear God. And so I think, like for those parents that that have teenagers that are wayward right, I haven't used that word before Wayward, wayward, you know that are gone. I don't know what to tell you. I'm not going to sit here and say like here's what we did with our teenagers, we I don't know, so I'm not going to sit here and be like, well, here's what we did, but here's what I can do is encourage you.

Speaker 1: 22:28

It's first of all, pray for yourself. Pray that God gives you wisdom on how to correct them, Because there can still be course corrections. But training is not going to happen overnight. You don't go to the gym and just train one day and be like all right, good, Six pack is here, it's a course, it's a season. So parents like you can't tell your kids we're going to start going to church and after two, three Sundays you drop off, Like it's literally. You make a commitment for yourself and that's why I said I think some parents are afraid to set the bar because they can't keep it.

Speaker 2: 22:58

And here's one thing that I will say our generation has gotten right, and that is that we have learned to be humble in front of our kids, whether it's an apology or an acceptance of like man, I messed that up. Our generation before us, our parents, never said you know, sorry, I did that wrong, or I should have done better, or or very rarely I should say. There was an occasions, but like very rarely did that generation do that. But with our generation, we have made it almost normal to tell our kids, like hey, I didn't deal with that the right way and I'm sorry. And so, talking to parents that have not had their children in church this whole time, like as you're encouraging those parents of saying, like your teenagers may be out there and you didn't raise them up in church for 20 years or 15 years, but now you're trying to course correct, I would say, to encourage that parent to say, like, come to them humbly and say, hey, I didn't know this stuff 10 years ago when you were little. I'm just learning it now. So here's what I want you to see, here's what I want you to know.

Speaker 2: 24:02

Like you know, we just had our last episode about Halloween and I was talking to a mother in the same situation and it was about Halloween and they used to celebrate Halloween for years, so her kids are so used to it.

Speaker 2: 24:15

Now she wants nothing to do with it, but she doesn't know how to walk this out with her kids because she doesn't want to think like make her kids think all of a sudden that like, oh, mom got saved, so now we can't have any fun. And I was like I would just show them and let them come to the conclusion themselves, show them what is right and the truth that you have learned, and then let the Holy spirit reveal it to them. And I was like, cause she's right, you can't just go in and lay the law down. And you'd be like who are you? Where'd you come from? But it was the two things you said of, like pray for your children, pray for the Holy spirit to lead you. And then I think is to be humble and to say like, hey, this is where I've messed up, but this is what I'm trying to get right. Kids these days will respect that so much.

Speaker 1: 24:58

Yeah, two things. So you said one thing about approaching your kids humbly. I think there is a line, though, because I think some parents demonstrate too much weakness to their kids of like, interesting, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry, bubba. I'm sorry, I said Bubba.

Speaker 2: 25:22

You just said that for the white people. Wait, what did I say at the football game the other day? I said oh, I said it's okay, good job, buddy. And then I looked at you and I said I don't know that child and I called him buddy that's funny um it was a very white. I don't talk to other people's kids.

Speaker 1: 25:38

I don't talk to other kids, other people, kids. These kids be showing up in it one kid, but like whatever, we're not gonna share these stories right now. So I will say, though I do think that some parents show all their cards to their kids like of like I don't have nothing, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm sorry. I think there just needs to be a line of like if you're going to go to your kids and apologize about something but tell them where you're going to do better and stand your ground and be firm in it.

Speaker 1: 26:06

Do some freaking research, look into like, get some books, listen to some podcasts, like let's dig the podcast stuff, like that Right. Yeah, Honestly before you go to your kids. It's like I'm sorry, buddy, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry, will you forgive me, son, I'll try to do better. Please, like, please, like. A parent shouldn't be playing and begging their kids like that no, you're still the parent, you're still in control.

Speaker 1: 26:29

I think what happens is a lot of these parents are just too hands off. They let the culture come at them and the parents now on the back end tries to become their friend with no laws. And then the second thing that you said I do believe in laws and rules Right In our household, like in our household, we're the boss. Our kids are not equal to us. Yes, they do not get a vote. They do not get a.

Speaker 1: 26:51

Say so I do agree, there are times we may allow them to say something Right, right, even when we go through the drive-thru, we go through Chick-fil-A and all the kids be ready to put in the order, I said zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip it Nothing. Right, and so we know.

Speaker 2: 27:09

Why do you say that so weird? You know, get some chicken nuggets chicken nuggets.

Speaker 1: 27:18

If you guys are ever in a car with me, we go through, drive throughs, it's. It's always interesting because I never know what name I'm going to give you know that one time we never know what name you're going to get.

Speaker 1: 27:28

We show up to a drive through like Chick-fil-A or In-N-Out, and I was like, they're like, can I get a name forthru? It was like chick-fil-a or in and out and I was like, uh, they're like can I get a name for an order? I was like pablo. They're like angel. I was like, yes, angel that's right, it was last week you were angel, I.

Speaker 2: 27:41

It's wild, but you're right. I think you're right. There is a balance to those things. I do think, though, like um, what I was saying speaking more to you, can't just come in and lay the law down. I'm speaking to those moms and parents that are more course correcting, like they're coming on the back end. They haven't done this for the whole time, like it's one thing for our kids. This is all they know. So we've started from this point. We ain't course correcting nothing. This is the culture.

Speaker 2: 28:10

This is all they know to be true is that mom and dad are in charge and you need to, like, chill out, and this is what we're going to do when we make the decisions. But for those parents with teenagers that they're kind of doing that course correction, it's a different walk in a different approach.

Speaker 1: 28:24

So that's why I would say, parents, if you're trying to do some type of course correction with your kids Like you, don't just come and say I'm sorry, buddy, I'll do better. Tell them where you're going to do better. Set the bar, tell them where that line is. And also, if you're going to lay down laws, you can't have laws without love. You don't put rules into play, into this, and you don't spend time with your kids.

Speaker 2: 28:47

And that's how kids receive love. Most of them is time with their parents.

Speaker 1: 28:52

And it's the same thing with us as believers. So this is how we raise our godly children. We demonstrate with them it's our same relationship that we have with Christ. Like for us, I love the Lord, and so, because I love the Lord, I obey the Lord. For the people that are having a hard time following God's laws, or the rules of what we do as believers, or the commandments or the things that God has asked us to do, I think the people that have the hard time are people that don't even love him Because, for example, it's like tithing, it's like serving you. I love you, babe, so taking care of you is not a burden for me. If I didn't love you, if I didn't care for you, I'd be huffing and puffing every single time.

Speaker 2: 29:29

Y'all shout out. You said you'd even go to the dentist with me the other day.

Speaker 1: 29:33

And hold your hand.

Speaker 2: 29:33

Yep, but I still didn't call the dentist.

Speaker 1: 29:36

But what I'm saying is you see what I mean, Because I love you.

Speaker 1: 29:40

You would go take care of me, the laws of our bond and our vows and the covenant that we made. It's easy to hold and easy to care, because you haven't even decided in your heart like where's your love for him. Because Jesus said if you love me, then follow my commandments. If you love me, obey my commandments. If you love me, if you love me, if you really do.

Speaker 1: 30:05

I think it's the same thing for parenting parenting, like if you're going to love on your kids and you're going to bring in laws, put them together, you're going to put rules into play, but you're going to spend time with them, you're going to love on them so that when it's time for you to crack down on a rule or on a law, you could put your arm around your kid or love to say you know I love you, you know I care for you. That's why I'm doing this. You're going to thank me in 10 years. I know you don't understand this, but we have to stay the course. I think too many Christian parents are inconsistent. They think they can just drop a nugget or just drop a thought to their kids and be like all right, cool, I planted a seed. Yeah, you planted a seed without watering it and seeing it through the season.

Speaker 2: 30:47

It's true, listen, when I was that season that I was a children's director, I learned that children, the main way that they like, grow and use a connection with a parent or an adult, anyone that's older than them the main way that they connect actually, I'm sorry it goes with kids as well the main way that they connect with people is through laughter and like if you are not laughing with your kids, you are missing a major component of connecting with them. Laughter has to happen.

Speaker 2: 31:19

We have games that we play with Jordan and Brooklyn all the time never stop, I'm always making them laugh it actually drove me crazy yesterday I got irritated about the game, but it's us laughing all the time, and I even had to on our I know you didn't on our phone call.

Speaker 1: 31:35

I had to check you. I'm just like babe, like your kids, still feel good to play pranks on you, right?

Speaker 2: 31:41

it was just not the moment it's, I know, but it's.

Speaker 1: 31:44

Sometimes it's so easy to just get so serious, it's true, but that's his way and their way of connecting with you as a parent, making you laugh, pulling a prank. That's comfort way and their way of connecting with you as a parent, making you laugh, pulling a prank. That's comfortability.

Speaker 2: 31:54

Some parents are too serious to like hey, I'm your dad, you don't play games like that, like I still remember having wrestling fights with me, my brother and my mom, Like we would wrestle I try to do that with Jordan sometimes and with Brooklyn. Like just having that, that authenticity of laughing with your kids. Like take all the business, take all the rules, get off your phone, parents, and like get in the floor. You used to always say that too. Like get down on the floor with them.

Speaker 1: 32:20

Oh yeah, man. It was a guy that told me this one time. He said you really want to be the best parent. He said don't just be in your kid's life, but be in his world.

Speaker 2: 32:30

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 32:32

Be in their world If you're seeing your kid is playing sports. So my son, jordan, he's playing football right now and I asked him the other day. I said son, where's your football? He said I took it to the church because we never play with it at the house and so I made a note to myself of, like that's on me. So I said oh man, I was going to go to the park this week and play with you. He said, oh, I didn't know, so I didn't say anything. I said, okay, it's cool, buddy. Well, that next time we go to church he brings his football home.

Speaker 2: 33:00

I saw it in his backpack.

Speaker 1: 33:07

So, guess what? That my son is listening and I'm listening. Now it's up to me to hold him there. My goal is to be in his world, not just in his life. Being in his life is going to his football game Cool, being in his world. Hey, buddy, saturday mornings let's go play catch. Or let's hey, before your football game let's warm up that arm. That's being in his world. Being in his world is listening to some of the stupid stuff they'd be talking about that his kids in the culture every single week. He's like Daddy, you know what this means. I'm like what you guys make up, silly stuff, but I'm in his world. And then, guess what I do? I start using it back towards him. He's like oh, all the kids always say bussin' and I was like all right, cool, I'm bussin'. He's like no, we don't use it on people.

Speaker 2: 33:46

We use it on food. I cringe so bad when Pierre's like yo my shoes are busting.

Speaker 1: 33:50

Yeah, and I'm just doing it just to really get on his nerves and be his dad, because, at the end of the day, I'm not his friend right now. Maybe, when he's an adult, maybe we can be friends. Right now, I'm his dad. That's the biggest thing. I'm the only one that can be his dad.

Speaker 2: 34:09

It's true, I don't understand parents that can fill that void.

Speaker 1: 34:11

I think too. I think really for those that are believers in Christ. I want to encourage you guys that are listening to this.

Speaker 2: 34:19

Can you raise your voice a little bit?

Speaker 1: 34:22

This is my ending voice.

Speaker 2: 34:24

Is that what it is? This is me closing out the conversation.

Speaker 1: 34:26

I'm landing the plane. I'm looking at the time too, because I got a lunch appointment.

Speaker 2: 34:29

You. I'm looking at the time too, because I got a lunch appointment. You do, I got a straight up lunch appointment.

Speaker 1: 34:31

Okay, go ahead, land the plane. For those of you that are parents that are following Christ, stop getting frustrated with your kids because they're not praying or they're not reading their Bibles or they're not following Christ. Start demonstrating to them how you want them to live. It's good Period. You want them to value God. You value God. You want them to value God. You value God. You want them to go to church. Stop making church an option. The moment your kids stop asking are we going to church this Saturday? That's a sign that you're doing good, you're doing well. And how do you keep this up? You don't just plant a seed with the kids and say, hey, we want to start going to church. No, you got to plant it. Dig it deep, plant it, put soil, put water, let the sun time light stay consistent, seek it through the season. For those of you that are parents and you got kids and they're ready, they're already fell off, like again, we don't have kids, that that's done that. So all I can say is pray for them and then pray that God gives you strength and wisdom and how to win them back. Stop nagging your kids. Paul talks about this in Ephesians, where he says fathers, like Ephesians 6,. Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So, parents, stop nagging your kids and start loving them.

Speaker 1: 35:52

Like I know, there's some stuff that our kids do that sometimes, boy, the first people that can make me talk in the morning is these kids. That's true. I could have two hours of silence. The moment the kids come around I was like guys, stop it, I need you. Just like man, like boy, I feel like that Kanye West song. I'm trying to talk to my dad and I start spazzing on me. He starts spazzing on me. He said that ain't Christ.

Speaker 1: 36:16

Like I said, close on Sunday, right so, but that's what I think about sometimes. Like, for me, my job is to love on my son and to take care of him, but to do for him how God is doing for me. So how do you get closer to your kids? How do you get closer? You get closer to God. God's going to show you how to parent, why? Because he parents us, he disciplines us, he has relationships with us. And as you do that, you take that and you project it and you mirror it to your kids and I guarantee you guys will see fruit man. That's all I got to say about this, listen.

Speaker 2: 36:47

God designed the family before he designed the church. He made the model of family. He created this model of a family because it was so important to him. It was the first institution that he designed, and so we have to know how much of a space that takes up in God's heart, because that was the first thing that he designed.

Speaker 2: 37:07

And so we have to cultivate it, we have to put in time and effort and attention to it and to put all of our efforts and to be intentional about these things. We're even still having conversations every day about hey, I think we should actually play more games with the kids. Let's be more intentional about our time. We don't have a lot of time at home, but when we are in home, let's be more intentional. We have Sunday nights after church, on Sunday nights after lunch with everybody. It's just us time.

Speaker 1: 37:36

It is intentional. We sit at the table for meals weekly.

Speaker 2: 37:39

Yeah. So just being intentional with your kids and your family and knowing the value, guys, of being at church every week. I know it is so easy. The world pulls at us and it books us for everything on Saturday and Sunday, saturday and Sunday. Saturday and Sunday the world thinks that's the only day they can book us, because every other day you're at work, but that's the only day, like if that's the only day, that a church is going on around you. You have to book your day to say, like we prioritize that being in the house of God with other believers, with brothers and sisters in Christ, knowing that it takes a village to raise these children and knowing the value of other people pouring into your kids and you being poured into.

Speaker 1: 38:20

That's it right there. If you don't like your kids' friends, get them new environments, take them to church. Our son came home and said my friends at school is asking us what we're doing for Halloween and I told them that my parents don't celebrate Halloween. And his kids, his friends and his classmates said why do you not celebrate Halloween? And his response was because my parents are holy. And a long time ago I'd be like oh no, bro, man, we're cool. No, the fact that my son said to us that my parents are holy Wow.

Speaker 1: 38:53

And so now let me break it down to him and help him understand why that is Right. But now he knows we do not celebrate Halloween. Like what's the purpose of us trying to live for the culture for us to lose our kids I love Doesn't make sense. Like I don't care what this world has to offer. I don't care if he's getting picked on at school. I want him to stand his ground because it's going to be those same friends 10 years from now.

Speaker 2: 39:18

That's going to be asking him to pray for them, guaranteed, yeah. So we hope this encouraged y'all. Listen, we don't have all the answers. We say this in almost every episode because, it's true, we don't know everything. We are still a young family, with a 10 year old and a four year old, and we are still growing. But what we are here to do is to help you grow a deeper relationship with God, others and yourselves, and that includes your family relationships, and so all we want to do is start the conversation. It's always part of our, our whole point of this, this podcast Hold on, I'm gonna trip up on my words the whole point of this podcast is to start conversations, and so we hope that this conversation has really opened your eyes or encouraged you in something that you're walking through, and that you can go and be more intentional with your family. So we love y'all. Let's keep digging.