The Only Dating Advice You'll Ever Need | The Power of Asking the Right Questions in Relationships

What if the secret to a successful relationship lies in the questions you ask? Drawing from our own long-distance love story that began 17 years ago, we reveal how meaningful conversations became the bedrock of our connection. We spent countless hours on the phone, delving beyond the superficial to truly understand each other's core values and aspirations. This episode is packed with practical advice on how to replicate that depth in your own relationships, starting with five powerful questions designed to spark deep, enriching conversations, no matter what stage you're in.

Relationships can be complex, especially when sensitive topics like family dynamics and past experiences come into play. We tackle the importance of timing and context while engaging in these profound discussions, offering insights on how to navigate them without overwhelming your partner. We'll also delve into critical questions to ask when dating, focusing on shared beliefs and future aspirations. With real-life stories and expert tips, this episode is your guide to fostering deeper connections and ensuring compatibility with your partner, ultimately paving the way for a harmonious future together.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Building Relationships Through Asking Better Questions
• 11:48 Navigating Sensitive Relationship Questions
• 21:54 Dating

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

What's up let's Dig crew. Welcome to another episode. Listen y'all. We are in a little mini series right now. We've been talking about dating, and last episode we talked about three tips for dating, and so today we're going to kind of build on that. As we were talking about last week's episode, we were talking about our dating life and how that looked, what that was, and a lot of it was long distance when we were dating. We were not, I was in Indiana, you were in Florida, and so a lot of that time was spent on the phone?

Speaker 2: 0:33

We would. We would spend hours on the phone. Wait y'all.

Speaker 1: 0:36

First of, all we have to put in perspective that this was before FaceTime. This was before, like, unlimited cell phone minutes Like this was a different. Unlimited cell phone minutes like this was a different generation of long distance relationships.

Speaker 2: 0:49

I owed T-Mobile so much money for years. They're like, hey, you need to pay back cause they didn't have. I don't think they had like rollover minutes.

Speaker 1: 0:56

I think AT&T had like rollover minutes but T-Mobile had the five fave and that was a big deal when I made it into your five fave yeah, but I think it was five.

Speaker 2: 1:06

If you had t-mobile though you didn't have t-mobile, you had, like, verizon yeah, I have verizon.

Speaker 1: 1:11

Wait, they're still. Oh, they're not. Yes, they are, babe oh my bad I thought they did rest in peace. They're still doing great. Oh okay, I think I don't know, but they're still doing great. Oh okay, I think I don't know, but they're still alive for sure Yo when we first started dating.

Speaker 2: 1:25

So here we are. So this is 17 years ago 17. When we met 17 years ago, when we met, we were babies, we were kids, we were children Late teens, early 20s and when we were dating.

Speaker 1: 1:41

I remember we were still like in the same place in Ohio, yeah, and then there were times, a lot of the time, where we were separated, yeah, and if you guys don't know our story, you know, go back and watch it Go back and watch.

Speaker 2: 1:50

We'll maybe try to put it somewhere here in the corner. If not, go back through the archives. Matter of fact, I'm going to say this right now If you're not subscribed, what are you doing? Honestly, 80, 90% of our viewers aren't from people aren't subscribing, so I get it. I don't subscribe to people's pages too, but if you guys are really liking this, just hit that button. Like you know, we say it all the time, all right, but we're about to dig.

Speaker 2: 2:11

And here's why we're. Why we're going to dig because somebody asked us one of our um, let's crew or let's dig crew members Right, I'm like let's crew, let's crew, neck, let's crew, it's a crew, it's a ship, right, one of our uh, let's dig people asks us a question what would you say to your younger selves back when you're dating, right? And so we gave those things. Like you just said, three tips, but it really boiled down to okay, if we had to sum it down to one tip, the greatest tip that we can give to any body that is dating and you are pursuing marriage, this is the greatest tip. The greatest tip, and we're going to say it right now and we're going to set it up and we'll give you guys some examples but the greatest tip that we can say to anyone that is dating right now is learn to ask better questions.

Speaker 2: 2:58

Ask better questions and you're probably thinking like what does that even mean? Some of you guys think like, oh, I'm going to click off.

Speaker 1: 3:03

I got it, it's fine.

Speaker 2: 3:07

I know I need y'all to understand what we mean by that. Cause you and I when we were talking about this right.

Speaker 1: 3:10

We talked about it last week and we're going to say this was such a big part of it. We actually took it out of the episode last week and said wait, that is an episode of itself, a conversation by itself. It needs a whole episode to just have the conversation of what is asking questions in your relationship and what you can gain out of them.

Speaker 1: 3:30

So we literally set this one aside and said we're gonna approach that one next week all by itself all because it was so important in our relationship and how we got to know each other and how we built our relationship in our marriage. It because we had only communication to build our relationship on. We weren't next to each other. We didn't see each other every week or every few days, or every day for that matter. There were months, six months. We would go and we never saw each other, and so we only had communication and phone time to talk, to ask questions, to have those deep revelations of who you are now, who you're going to be, all these different things. So we made a list of five questions that we really think are going to open up a really great conversation and a really great dialogue to let you know deeper things about the person you're dating and, by the way, like these questions that we have, they're not the questions, they're actually just examples.

Speaker 2: 4:26

There's actually we like, we thought of 10, 20, we thought of so many questions, right. So these are actually examples that you guys can actually, in your relationships whether you just started or whether you're about to get you know to the next step of marriage, things like that. But when we were dating, right, we would sit there and sit there, we, we like, we, we would talk, ask these random questions. Some of them were surface questions, things like that, you know there's, you know light ones that you could do, like what's your favorite color, like stuff like that, right, but that stuff, right there, there's no future in that, right, ain't no future in asking what's someone's favorite color. There's future in, maybe, asking what's your favorite type of food. Stuff like that has potential. But here's an example we want to give you guys, okay, an example of asking better questions.

Speaker 2: 5:06

I'm reading, I'm reading this book. I talk about this book that I'm reading and it talks about how there are questions that you can ask in life that can lead you to success. Right, so you walk into a room. If you learn how to ask better questions, it can actually take you to the top. You can actually be highlighted in the room as that person because you asked the best question, right. So when they say there's no such thing as stupid, stupid questions, there are stupid questions. If you try and be stupid, like if you try and be stupid, it's a stupid question. But if it's genuine and you really want to know and you want to grow and you want to go deeper, then it's asking really good questions. And for us, when we started dating, like I remember us asking questions about our childhood. So here's an example a question that you can ask when you're dating is what about your childhood? Would you change?

Speaker 1: 5:57

Yeah, and that opens up so many things. I know as parents being a parent for 10 years and having conversations with other parents in the same season that we are I find that a lot of us, we naturally try to adjust the things about our childhood that we didn't like in our family, and so the purpose behind asking that question is, when I ask you that question number one it can tell me a lot about you, can tell me about layers of maybe some wounds that you have. Um, that might be sensitive. It's going to tell me something that's going to matter really, really heavily in your family that you build.

Speaker 2: 6:43

So if something was, for instance, that you didn't have a lot of affection in childhood and you wish you could change that, most likely when you, or majority of people, will be intentional with their family that they build that it has a lot of affection, like, for example, me, my childhood, growing up, we didn't show affection with physical touch and with words of affirmation, right, and so had you asked me that question when we first started dating, you would know, here we are, 17 years later, that it's something that I struggle with.

Speaker 1: 7:14

Yeah, right. Right, so because you actually weren't the one that wanted to like emphasize that on our family, but it's something that is a struggle for you.

Speaker 2: 7:24

It's a struggle for me. So if I had to go back and change, I would wish that, that I had that in my childhood, growing up, and not saying that we're not going to implement it in our life. We are implementing it in my life, but it would give you a better understanding on certain things that I didn't have growing up, that I'm still working on, and it doesn't come natural, because in your family you guys did show affection.

Speaker 1: 7:44

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 7:45

With hugs and words and touch and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 7:48

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:49

And so when we first got married, for so long you were frustrated with me that I didn't do it. Yeah, or that when you in the kitchen cooking and I didn't walk by and slap your butt.

Speaker 1: 8:00

I just couldn't understand why you would not want to, or like long hugs and things like that, or just like always affirming, or just putting your hand on me Like why do you not just think to? Do that it was so foreign for me to understand that for you.

Speaker 2: 8:11

And so can you imagine someone that's dating for the first time not asking a question like that and they get to the point where they're pursuing marriage, they're going further in it and they have kids, and they're in it and they have kids and then they and they're frustrated why their spouse is not affectionate and it all stems back to man. I didn't have that growing up to my kids, because even now, like even I find myself, even my four-year-old, our four-year-old, is easy for me to love her and hug on her because she's four. But then a 10-year-old, I'm like, damn bro, you smell like a man right now. Like what's that smell? I said it today I. I was like I don't like the, like the kids were in cologne, now I know so remember this morning I was like I don't know how I feel about smelling another man's cologne in my house, right now that's so crazy.

Speaker 1: 8:50

I straight up just said that.

Speaker 2: 8:57

For me something that I wish I would have, that I would have had in my childhood, that I would change, and a lot of these so we're not sitting here and complaining about our formative years and I didn't have it.

Speaker 2: 9:06

We've got over it, right, and the changes that we make is in the future, right. So we're not holding onto that. But looking back into it, I'm thinking, man, I wish in my childhood that I would have had better relationships with my siblings. I wish my parents would have taught us how to be siblings. That's crazy, like you know what I mean, because there was five of you.

Speaker 2: 9:26

Because there was five of us and so, like we didn't have that growing up. There's a story I remember when I was about 10, my older brother he could have been about maybe 16, 17. I can't remember specifically because I could have been nine or so, but I had this bike and I loved this bike. And I had this bike and I loved this bike and it was actually a brand new bike that I won because I prayed for it and I won it. At this raffle situation I was like whoa, this is crazy, my first bike and I owned it, it was mine, it was brand new, not a hand-me-down right.

Speaker 2: 9:54

And one day my brother, like he hid behind the bush and he ambushed me and pushed me off the bike, took the bike because he had to go to his friend's house. That's crazy and the reason why I could share this story, because him and I, like we've reconciled since we've talked about it and like I realized like he was a kid and I was a kid, right, and so he was just doing what a kid did and I was doing just what a kid did. But what frustrated me? I remember going to my parents and my parents didn't really care and they didn't like they weren't the mediators. They didn't say big bro coming, hey, young bro coming. What happened? Tell me the story. They should have been the judge in that moment and say, hey, where's that bike?

Speaker 2: 10:32

I want you to go get that bike right now. You polish it, you clean it and you bring it back right now to your brother. You apologize to him.

Speaker 1: 10:40

And younger brother hey forgive him.

Speaker 2: 10:42

If he say sorry, say it's okay, but I didn't have that. So I grew hate in my heart towards him and I had hate in my heart towards him for years, for decades. So because of that, that ruined my relationship with him all those years. We now have relationship Now I'm in my 30s, he's in his 40s and now we have relationship but I wish I had that growing up. Sure, like you know what I mean, yeah, and so I think this is a really good example of a question to ask, like when you're dating, asking your person that you're with saying like, hey, like, tell me about your childhood. Yeah, like, what'd you like about it? We talked about the other day or earlier of like what's something that was your favorite memory from your childhood, what did you like about it? Cause that also tells us, when you're dating, something that you might want to adopt and roll over into your life with your kids. So, true, these are good questions. Let's give them another example.

Speaker 1: 11:34

Okay, Um, another example of the other question. Hold on, let me pull it up. I have it in my notes.

Speaker 2: 11:41

Okay, the other speaking of um other.

Speaker 1: 11:43

Speaking of um like upbringing yes, speaking of upbringing, oh so you just remembered it off the top of your head. You didn't need to look at you're like I know where we're going, okay, so the next one is how's your relationship with your father?

Speaker 2: 11:54

yeah, that's a good question that's a heavy question because, yo, everybody has daddy issues.

Speaker 2: 12:00

I don't know the numbers, I don't know the. I don't know the numbers, I don't know the stats, I don't know none of that. But I know most people hold their fathers to the highest standard, more than their mom. There are some people that have issues with their mom, some people don't have a relationship with their mom. So I'm not saying that doesn't exist for those of you that have issues with your mom and just like you grew up and you went like without one, or your mom wanted to be a baby, or your mom wanted to try to act like she was your best friend when she should have been your mom.

Speaker 2: 12:25

So I'm not there are issues of those right I'm saying majority people have daddy issues, right, and I think when it comes to dating, if you're dating, I think it's important to ask someone like hey, like what's up with your dad? Do you have you still in relationship? You're still in contact with him? You still still have a relationship with him? Yeah, like what happened there. And for some of y'all you might be like no, we already had that conversation. Okay, that's fine. We're not saying ask that question. We're just trying to implant the thought of asking better questions for you to determine the people that you're getting in relationship with.

Speaker 1: 12:58

Yeah, and that most of these questions are for at the period of time where it is more serious. You are considering marriage like. These are not first date questions. Y'all. Y'all will scare somebody away so fast, please do not ask these questions?

Speaker 2: 13:12

oh my gosh, do you have, do you have daddy issues like what we just met?

Speaker 1: 13:18

so please don't ask these on the first ones. This is not that point. But it is also up to you to determine when is the right time for these questions. There are some that are, um sensitive, like the next one we're gonna go into is a little bit sensitive. So just any of these questions. It's up to you. You're not gonna fire these off back to back and be like what was your childhood, like, what's your relationship with?

Speaker 2: 13:40

your father like you're not gonna fire them off. You're gonna sprinkle them in slightly and ever so often don't pull up into your date and be like I'm gonna ask him all these questions because I don't play. Okay, you're gonna be single for the rest of your life relax relax, read the room, all right.

Speaker 2: 13:56

Take a chill pill, all right. So, yeah, I do agree. I think some of them is based off of where you are in the relationship, right, like how long have you guys been dating? Is it even serious yet, right, is it even worth asking these questions? Or if you're like you know what, no, he's not the one. Or by the time you get to a few questions, or you realize, like man, I don't even want to pursue, so you go more on the rest of the questions, right, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 14:19

But asking a question like what's your relationship like with your mom or with your dad, even asking if they even have a relationship with their parents, true, right, because if they don't have a relationship with their parents because something they did, something happened, then that might show you how they may feel towards you and your relationship with your parent. So if you are one that loves your parent and you want to make sure your mom has the best or your dad has the best or they're taken care of, if you are in a relationship with someone that doesn't share that same perspective, then they might give you a hard time when, like when my mom, you know, this week makes it officially two years since she's passed and when her health was declining, you remember like my sister at the time was kind of like the primary caretaker. She was taking my mom to the doctor's visits, like everything Even. My mom was even staying with my sister in Florida and I remember us being out here thinking like yo, what can we do? And I called my sister.

Speaker 2: 15:15

I said yo, what do you need help with? And she's like man, can everybody just chip in? You know the co -pay for these doctor visits, all this stuff is adding up. We got to get her specific groceries because of how she's doing. What she needs to eat. Her diet is very specific. I said just tell me how much you need and I'll send it. It would be a very unfortunate situation if you didn't value a relationship with a parent and you'd give me a hard time because of my relationship, sending money to your mom, sending money to my mom.

Speaker 2: 15:44

So I hope you guys are understanding. This is why we're saying learn to ask better questions. You ask better questions, you'll really understand the people that you're getting. In relationship with this next one, this next one, it's super sensitive but, I, think it's.

Speaker 2: 15:57

It's it's crucial in all your relationships. Anyone that you're like, hey, I want to date this person. This person might be the one I don't say don't ask this one on your first date, Don't ask it on your second date. Matter of fact, don't even ask this until you guys know like, okay, this might be the person that God has for me. Right, Asking this person this big question, this is a big one and it's very sensitive, but asking them hey, have you experienced any type of sexual?

Speaker 1: 16:27

abuse. I think physical to physical abuse any kind of abuse.

Speaker 1: 16:31

I think it allows such a moment of vulnerability and it is something that you you don't usually offer that information. You don't like you won't find yourself in a relationship being like hey, did you know that this happened to me? Like you don't just offer that information. Um, there's a lot of shame that goes with it, and not rightfully so. Right, like the victim should never feel shame, but that does happen. Um and so, asking that question and giving that opportunity of vulnerability, it allows that potential spouse to be able to love them.

Speaker 1: 17:07

We've talked to marriages where that was the case and it took seven, 10 years before the wife ever shared. Oh, like, by the way, I was assaulted when I was a kid or a child. And like it puts such a layer of complicated to a marriage, to a sexual life in a marriage, all those things that it allows you to go into a relationship knowing, oh, this is going to be a sensitive spot but I'm willing to work through it or I'm willing to love that person through it. Or knowing that there's layers there and it won't, it's going to take time or it's going to be complicated.

Speaker 2: 17:45

Yeah, Even when we were dating, like, and we got serious and we knew we were the ones for each other, yeah, we actually had to ask each other these types of questions. We had to really dig in and just say like, hey, like, because and we've shared this before in last episode, so this is not new but you know, you've encountered some abuse, yeah, right, and so we've talked about, we had to talk about it and I had to and I, I, I knew one of the people that you mentioned and I had to give forgiveness, right, and I was like Whoa, that's crazy. But knowing that allowed me to care for you better. Knowing that allowed me to understand and respect, and even in our, even in our episodes that we talked prior about how God sees sex in our marriage, that's why some of my sensitivity I have and it's at a high level, because I'm aware of things that you have encountered coming up. So we ask each other those questions.

Speaker 2: 18:38

So we want to encourage everyone like, really learn to ask questions in this category. I mean we hear stories of people, I mean men, who have experienced abuse, whether it's mental abuse, verbal abuse, right, and even spiritual abuse that happens in churches and ministries, pastors, people that are narcissistic, controlling freaks, right, spiritually, like manipulating people, and now people are confused and now all that stuff is being projected to the next generation. Next generation. I know men who have been sexually abused at a very young age and now in their forties finally talking about it, and a wife had to sit there and say I never knew. That's crazy. So what I'm saying is like I think people need to get better at asking these type of questions and being sensitive to it, because it allows you to know like hey, who am I getting in relationship right now? Right, and it lets me know like okay, I'm going to open up. So I want to encourage all you guys like really process this category. Yeah, our next question here's like another example is asking somebody like who is God to you?

Speaker 1: 19:43

Mm-hmm that's a deep question, especially living in California. Yeah, like that answer can go so many ways. If you ask that question in Florida or Georgia or one of the Carolinas, it may be a different answer he's my savior but you asked that in California and it can go so many ways.

Speaker 1: 20:06

But I think it's a really revealing question, yeah, of where they are spiritually and where is their maturity in spiritual life and like, do they have relationship with god? And then, to go further do you have a relationship with jesus, do you walk in a relationship with them, or is it religion to you? Yeah, like there's so many layers that came through that question.

Speaker 2: 20:29

It just opens up the category of faith and spirituality. That's what this is right For us. We believe in Christ and if you do not believe in Christ, I'm encouraging you right now that he is the Lord and savior of this world. God loved us so much that he sent his son, jesus and a representation of heaven, representation of God, and walked among us, cared for us so much, died for us, and it's a preparing a place for us in heaven. We do believe in the afterlife, we do believe that there is a heaven and that there is a hell, and I want to encourage you, guys, man, taste and see that God is good, he's the savior of our lives, he is our hope, he is our foundation. We're going to testify soon because God just opened up some crazy doors this week and he made a way for us. Sorry, guys, I didn't mean to stop and testify right now, but I'm here to tell you that God is good.

Speaker 2: 21:14

If you want to try anybody, try Jesus and he will not leave you, he will not fail you, he will not let you down, and all you have to do is just ask Jesus to come into your life and he will show himself to you in your heart, you will see all these different fruit start to manifest and produce in your life.

Speaker 2: 21:31

So that's but what we're saying, is enter the category of faith and spirituality. Yeah, ask someone like hey, that's a good way to start it, you know, if you don't want to say hey, do you believe in Jesus, do you believe in Buddha, do you believe in Muhammad? Or say like hey, like you believe in God?

Speaker 1: 21:46

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:46

Who's God to you and that opens up the door again. It's since it's sensitivity, understanding where they are. We shared in the last episode. Right, there was a young lady.

Speaker 1: 21:55

she was dating someone and after several dates she realized that this guy did believe in God, but he also believed in all the other random little G gods and all this stuff, and he didn't have the devotion and relationship with Jesus that she shared devotion and relationship with Jesus that she shared and they were no longer to be very compatible at that point for her. For her, what she was looking for in a relationship.

Speaker 2: 22:17

Yeah, yo guys, listen, there's so many questions that you can ask. When I thought of the other day, another thought is like, I'm looking at Danley's drink right here. So Danley's drink right here, here's a good question to ask somebody when you're dating, like hey, asking them hey, how do you see this? Do you see it half full or do you see it half empty? And I think this is a good exercise to ask somebody when you're dating, why? Cause it kind of lets you know their perspective of life and the hand that they were dealt. Cause it lets you know, like, okay, are we the same? Like if I decide to marry you, okay, are we the same? Like if I decide to marry you, like, I want to know what's your perspective when it comes to conflict and situations. I'm not saying your perspective is right, I'm not saying it's wrong. I just want to know, in a moment of trauma, in a moment of drama, right in a situation, altercation, I want to know by nature.

Speaker 1: 23:01

Stress is crazy yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:03

How are you to it? Because there can be times, man, we've gone through some crazy stuff, man, Even this week, bro. We, in the last 14 years, we've gone through so many trials, so much trauma physically, spiritually, mentally, financially so many different things, man, and it's very important to know the person that decided to make my partner of my life. How do you see it?

Speaker 1: 23:25

Yeah, you know what I mean, okay.

Speaker 2: 23:26

We're gonna give you guys one last example.

Speaker 1: 23:30

But first, if you're liking these conversations, don't forget to subscribe he already told you but also like and comment below. We're always talking back to y'all in the comments. We love y'all for watching, we love y'all for digging with us. So before we say the last one, yeah, I just wanted to do that.

Speaker 2: 23:46

Last but not least, baby, because there's so many. We could do this all day long, but the very last one that we want to share with you guys as an example of a question that you can ask when dating and I ask everyone that I'm mentoring this question I was going to say this is like a peers infamous question that he asks so many people everyone that I encounter with that I start to build a relationship with, like, whether it's a colleague, yeah, a coworker, an associate, a partner, a mentee, whatever it is.

Speaker 2: 24:16

I ask them this question all the time. But it's good for dating. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Speaker 1: 24:23

I love that question because you, in essence, when you're dating someone, if you're considering marriage, you're not necessarily marrying the person you're looking at Right. You're actually signing up to marry the person that that person will be in the next 10 years.

Speaker 1: 24:42

We always change, we're always growing. So I need to know where do you see yourself in 10 years? What are you doing? What is important to you? Where can you even dream, like all those aspects of it, so that when I sign up to marry you, I know I said yes because that has been a factor in our relationship A hundred percent. You knew what you were going for in the next 10 years, like when we met the next 10 years. You knew what you're going for and I knew. Once that came to fruition and God opened those doors and gave you those opportunities, I knew that's what I signed up for. Yep.

Speaker 2: 25:19

And ultimately, there's a way that I see you and there's a way that God sees you. True, and what I'm seeing may not be what God sees in you, and for me, it's important to know that the person that I'm in a relationship with has vision for who they'll be a decade from now. So that's why I always ask where do you see yourself in 10 years? I want to know are you dreaming? Do you see yourself out of your situation right now? Where you are right now? Did you get here because life just dealt you this hand? Did you get here because you pursued it? And if you are in a hole, if you are in a valley, if you are in a pit, are you trying to make your way out of it? I want to know if we're going to be in a relationship like are you just going to be? The glass is always half empty. Life always sucks. This is what I've always dealt or are you a dreamer?

Speaker 1: 26:09

And do you have plans to get out of this?

Speaker 1: 26:11

And I always, when I talk about you and when we met, I always give you credit for teaching me how to dream, Coming from such a small town, there's a lid it's really true Like when you think of or if you've seen movies about that small town girl in that small town living in the country, there really truly is a cap of how far you can go in that space, and so when I met you and you would talk about, oh, I want to do this, I want to do that, like what's your dream, what's your this, and I was like, I promise, I was kind of overwhelmed of like I don't really know, like I mean, I like this, I like doing this, I like whatever those hobbies and those things that I felt passionate about, but I didn't know how to dream outside of my small town. I did not know how to dream beyond that cap.

Speaker 2: 26:55

Yeah, so those are questions that I asked you when we were dating. I was like where do you see yourself? I wanted to know, like because I met you and we're 18, 19, 20, 21.

Speaker 1: 27:05

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:05

And I know this is just a 20, 21 year old girl, and I want to know that when you're 41, when you're 31, that you're not still going to be the same place you were when you were 21. And I'm willing to walk alongside you in this journey together. And let's dream together. Where do you see yourself, what do you aspire to be? And that also gives us the opportunity, when you're dating, to have an out of just like man. No, so like I've always told you, since since we, since we've met, I always thought I'm a musician and I'm called to be a pastor.

Speaker 1: 27:34

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:35

I love making music, I love writing songs, I love producing and I love discipling people, I love mentoring people. So now, here we are, almost two decades later, and I'm still doing it, but at the level that I saw myself 10 years ago, 20 years ago, and so that's why we encourage you guys like ask that question. This list can go on and on and on and on. We're not telling you these are the questions, but we want to just put together five, six questions of just like. These are really good starters, things to really think about. I hope this really gets you guys to the point where you really start thinking about okay, I like that question. I could formulate it to be asked in a whole. Nother way. It has my wheels turning on. How else I can ask this question. But yo jump in the chat, jump in the comments. Let us know, like what are some other good ideas, what are some other questions that you guys feel like?

Speaker 2: 28:21

Here's some questions that we also think that people should ask when dating, right, because there's like when it comes to finances, right. Like when it comes to like where you're living, like when it comes to politics, right, schools, education, health, there are so many things fitness, all those type of things. We didn't think that those things were important to add today, because there are other things that are more foundational, other stuff you can adopt as you grow throughout life, you know, but those are the five or six that we really want to just push you guys to really think about. So the tip for today, the number one greatest tip that we can give to anyone that is dating, is learn to ask better questions.

Speaker 1: 28:59

And lastly, when you go to ask these questions, make sure you have your own answers. You do not want to sit in a relationship and ask all these questions and ask this vulnerability of the person that you're dating but then when they flip it back on you, you never really thought about your answer.

Speaker 2: 29:15

You're going to look like an idiot. They're like what about you? And you're like oh, oh yeah, never really. No, I don't have dreams, I just want to know if you had dreams, so I can hitch my life to your dreams and then you can be good.

Speaker 1: 29:30

But it's true, even as we were talking and prepping for this conversation, pierre had to say, like wait, like tell me more about what that would be for you, or give me an example of what that looks like for you in your life, and like things like that. So, just knowing, when you come to the table with vulnerable questions like this that are digging deep, you are digging in that relationship and you're digging down to the core of who you guys are to get to know each other. Know that it is just going to be as valuable to the person that you're dating to know those things about you. So it's going to open up a conversation both ways, and if you are not ready to share that side of your answers, then hold off on the questions. Don't expect that vulnerability from someone that you're not willing to give them yet. So always go in with that mindfulness of like okay, I'm ready to answer these questions, I'm going to be sensitive and I'm going to ask them, but I'm going to reward their vulnerability with my vulnerability.

Speaker 2: 30:18

Yeah, so yeah, that's crazy man. Let's dig y'all. We love you guys. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for joining Again. Share this with someone. Share this with your partner, the person that you are dating. We want to hear your feedback, we want to hear your thoughts. Keep digging y'all, and life gets better when relationships do. See you guys next time, peace, peace.