LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
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LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
The Truth About Crossing Cultural Bridges in an Interracial Marriage
When my mother sat me down to talk about the hurdles of marrying someone from a different race and culture, I didn't realize how those words would resonate through my life. Now, as part of an interracial couple, I've lived the layers of complexity she warned me about, and it's a journey I'm eager to share with you. Together with my partner, we navigate the blending of traditions—from Thanksgiving feasts to teaching our kids about their multifaceted heritage. We're peeling back the layers on how love, identity, and culture intertwine in our family's tapestry, and how embracing our differences has enriched our lives beyond measure.
The road hasn't always been easy, and the year 2020 threw its own set of wrenches into the mix. We found ourselves confronting the harsh realities of race in America, reflecting deeply on our past, and redefining what heritage means for our children's future. From personal stories of cultural awakening to the sobering discussions about race our family has had to face, our narrative is not just ours—it mirrors a national conversation. Our dialogue is an open book on the real-life emotional tolls and triumphs, underscored by a pursuit of understanding and respect amidst a world in desperate need of both.
This episode isn't merely a recount of our experiences; it's a call to all who listen to foster deeper connections and embrace the beauty in diversity. In a time when society is grappling with division, we share how the teachings of Christ's love for all nations have guided our path. We invite you to join this essential discourse, to listen with open hearts, and to engage with us as we continue to learn and grow in a world that is endlessly evolving. Each moment of our story is a stepping stone toward a more united future, and we're excited to have you walk this path with us.
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Hey y'all, we're so glad that you joined us today. We're going to dig. If you haven't subscribed, hit that subscribe button, join our community. We want you around here to build stronger relationships and also it doesn't cost you anything. Just give us a little like. Just helps more people see these videos. So before we get started, we did want to make a disclaimer and give y'all a heads up that the thumbnail is not clickbait, it is for real. We are going to talk about we're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about it.
Speaker 2:I couldn't say that, no, you can.
Speaker 1:We can talk about it. We're going to talk about it is what he's saying. We're going to talk about race, and so some of these conversations may be heavy. Some of these conversations may be heavy, some of them may be a little bit triggering, and so we did just want to kind of let y'all know that this may be a really hard episode to watch.
Speaker 2:It's going to be a good episode.
Speaker 2:It's going to be good. It's going to be a good episode to watch. Some of y'all you just go ahead and need to go ahead and loosen up your tushy, relax, right, we're not, we're not therapists, I'm right, we're not. We're not therapists. I'm gonna say that right now. We're not therapists. We're not your shrink, we're not. Um, we don't have all the answers, we don't have the audience.
Speaker 2:Again, we are letting you into our personal conversations, our own chats on things that we've encountered in our walk and in our life, things that we've challenges that we have faced and how we've overcome them, and so, um, our racial difference, our culture differences a lot of that has caught up to us in the last few years. We weren't aware of it at the beginning. So we want to give you guys just a disclaimer, letting you know that, listen, if you got a bad attitude, if you're just here just to judge, go somewhere else. I'm going to say that right now. Right, see you later, haters. Somebody said the other day right, if you got bad comments, take a walk, like you, literally was the one telling me that. You was telling me that. Someone told me the other day like if you want to jump in the comments and just talk trash.
Speaker 1:Take a break take a breather, take a walk. They said take a walk outside, the weather's nice.
Speaker 2:Oh now, oh now, you remember I do Now everything just came back to you.
Speaker 1:Right now I have no idea what you're talking about.
Speaker 2:You're treating me like I'm crazy. It was literally you that told me the story. Listen, listen. It's all love here y'all. So we love you guys. Thank you for joining in. And so again, we said it, just warning, just there might be some triggering topics, things like that. This is to give value. We talked about it every single time, and so let's, let's dig, let's dig.
Speaker 1:Okay, 2008 to summer, and you were on your way. You were flying from Florida to Indiana to come pick me up because you were going to drive me down to Florida. I was moving to Florida to live close to you, to start dating you like seriously, and I think my dad was even on the way to pick you up from the airport. I could be wrong in remembering this, but I think my dad was picking you up from the airport and I was at home and my mom, she pulled me into like the master bathroom I remember so vividly like standing in that bathroom and she started to just have this conversation with me and it has stuck with me for all these years.
Speaker 2:I actually 16 years ago.
Speaker 1:I actually took the time last month when I saw her to actually thank her for this very conversation because it impacted me so largely. But it was a basically a conversation about marriage and what she told me was you know, marriage is hard, no matter what she said. I know that now her and my dad were not in a good place in that season and so she was telling me that marriage is hard no matter what and no matter who you marry, she was like. But if you choose to marry someone outside your culture, it's a little bit more challenging.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that it comes with another level of difficulty. And she was like but we have always raised you kids to know that Jesus died for everyone and that everyone is equal. Jesus died for everyone and that everyone is equal, and so she said so if you believe that Pierre is the one for you and that you want to marry him, she said we will a hundred percent support you. And she was like but I just want you to know what you're getting into. And she went on to you know, share some factors of you. Know that there will be places in America that you cannot just go, move and live comfortably and safely. She shared with me some things about like some women in the culture they may have a problem with me being married to a black man that there are certain things that would come with our kids and trying to blend those cultures of mixed kids that would come with our kids and trying to blend those cultures of mixed kids.
Speaker 1:But she was just very blunt about those obstacles and those are just some of them. Right, there's deeper ones. There's, you know, more surface ones, like there's a range of difficulty things that come with marrying outside your culture. But her point was you need to know that this could be harder, but you need to know that if you choose it, we support you. And that was huge for me, because it's one thing to know you're walking into something and you think it's just going to be all roses. It's another thing to know like, no, this could make it harder, but I choose the choice. I have the choice, yeah, and I choose to make this decision. And so I was always so grateful that anytime we did come up with things against our cultures or race or whatever difficulties we've experienced, I knew what I was getting into.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. And I mean what? And your grandma too? What she was like, 80 at the time, 80 something at the time, and I remember that being a conversation too Actually.
Speaker 1:I think she was in her seventies, but she was Midwest, you know, born and raised in Illinois. My grandma and my mom said she was like your nanny may give us a hard time. She was like, but she'll be fine once you marry him. And then my nanny ended up loving you so much Like she treated you just like one of the grandkids.
Speaker 2:You just got really country too, right now.
Speaker 1:I know I can't. It's my nanny. I'll miss her so much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so what's interesting is?
Speaker 1:I do try to cover up my accent a lot guys, and so when it comes out I just can't help it.
Speaker 2:Have I ever told you guys the time where Danny Lee, sometimes she gets confused what culture she wants to be part of, Because here's what also we want to mention this too Like when it comes to race, when it comes to culture, when it comes to nationalities, like there's a big difference In all of those and I think a lot of times we just they all get entangled and we all think they're all the same thing.
Speaker 1:Kind of like interchange those words yeah.
Speaker 2:We just think like race culture and we were young and naive at the time and thought it was all the same. But it's all of it, it's not the same. Some of them you can't choose and some of them you actually can choose.
Speaker 1:Right Like I've chosen to adapt some of the Haitian culture.
Speaker 2:Bingo. You've taken on some of the Haitian culture Right, and what brought us together was church culture.
Speaker 1:True, I think that that is a very common ground for me and you. That allows us to connect in me that, even though you were raised in South Florida and I was raised in the middle of Indiana, our church cultures were so similar that some of the old songs we know, some of the old artists we know, like we connect on that because you're like, oh, this one's such a good one.
Speaker 2:I sat at the piano a couple of weeks ago and I started playing all these old school hymns and Danny Lee's singing them across the house. And we're just sitting here thinking like, yo, this is crazy that this young black Haitian kid from South Florida, right, and this young white girl from Kokomo, indiana, all know the same songs.
Speaker 1:It's super crazy.
Speaker 2:And it had nothing to do with our race. Because, matter of fact, we're going to read to you guys the differences because, before we even tap into this, I think some people are already thinking what, already thinking in their head what they think it is. But let's, let's really break down the differences between us before we talk about where all of our challenges, like, hit us hard in the face.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, so race. Race refers to a person's physical characteristics, such as skin color, hair texture and facial features.
Speaker 2:Black don't crack.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's true, Sorry, go ahead. Often categorized into groups based on these traits, so which is. Race. Is that right there is?
Speaker 2:big yes, that right. There is big yes, that's big right. You said it's oftentimes.
Speaker 2:People are categorized based off of the skin color, hair texture facial features, which is tough for us, because when we got married at a very young age, right, people used to ask me all the time it's like yo. Is she going to know how to do your kid's hair? I'm like man. Is she going to know how to do your kid's hair? I'm like man, we're not worried about that. We really weren't Right. Is she going to how she? What's going to happen when she comes down to the Haitian culture? Like, I even have a sibling that had a hard time with me marrying or, at the time, dating a white girl? Yep, because we knew that. What people would have thought that time in the Haitian culture, right, in the Haitian culture?
Speaker 1:Because in the Haitian culture you really do marry another Haitian. Yeah, it's very common.
Speaker 2:Which is crazy.
Speaker 1:It is crazy.
Speaker 2:But as we talk about that, you know, I think about that statement you just said. Okay, when it comes to race, right, it's based off of just what you look like, right, just what you look like. And oftentimes we categorize people based off of what they look like. That was a challenge for me as a kid growing up, because, as a kid growing up, people just look at me and think I'm African-American or they think I'm black American. But that was tough because, yes, I was born first generation born here in the States, in America, but my parents are full blood.
Speaker 1:Haitian, which the community and culture of Haiti is very close knit. So your experience of the Haitian community and culture was really strong, even though you've only lived in America your whole life. Your culture, which I'll read the definition of that in a second. Like your culture, was Haitian.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we got categorized. There's times we got categorized as just black and once people got a chance to realize, once they heard us talk, once they saw how we act, they can tell like, okay, these people are different. Because they'd realized our nationality and our culture was different from our race and what we just looked like.
Speaker 1:Wouldn't you say that that actually affects you more now living in California than it did when you were a kid in South Florida, where there's a lot of Haitians?
Speaker 2:but now living out in California.
Speaker 1:I think that happens to you even more often.
Speaker 2:Yeah, everyone just thinks I'm just black American, or they think I'm just African American, which is tough, because I'm like, I'm not. Actually, I came out of my parents. My nationality is Haitian, which, technically speaking, somebody say well, if you're born in America, your nationality is America. Okay, relax, all right, relax, you don't need to be a scientist about it. Yeah, so, technically speaking, I'm born here in America, so I'm American, right, because nationality just has to do with the land of which you were born in, Right, born in.
Speaker 1:I was about to say born in. Okay, so I'm going to read the culture definition. So culture, on the other hand, encompasses a broader range of characteristics, including beliefs, customs, language, traditions and social behaviors shared by a group of people.
Speaker 2:A group of people, yeah.
Speaker 1:While race is based on biological factors, culture is learned and can vary greatly, even within racial groups.
Speaker 2:So here we are at that time, 18, 19, 20, and different race. We just loved each other. Church culture brought us together, right, you just talked about culture has to do with beliefs, right? Right, so our certain church cultures, the church culture I came out of and the church culture you came out of, we met at another church. That brought all that together, yeah, so people say, man, how'd you guys meet? Well, it was church. But it wasn't just church, it was a specific style of church, a specific culture, group, denomination of church.
Speaker 2:that brought you and I together. Yeah Right, so then that was the. That was kind of like the anchor Right that brought us together. But here we are, as we did a deep dive in our relationship. We're like yo, culturally speaking. We're very, still different. Like you and I look at rice and beans very different.
Speaker 1:I just don't really look at rice and beans very different.
Speaker 2:I just don't really look at rice and beans. Okay, we look at food very different, like when my family eats, we got to have two, two or three different meat.
Speaker 1:That's crazy. I we eat one meat, one starch, one vegetable and a carb to me.
Speaker 2:I'm like what's the carb?
Speaker 1:A bread a roll.
Speaker 2:No, but what about the rice?
Speaker 1:There's no rice unless it's chicken and rice night but there's no rice.
Speaker 2:Okay, you got chicken, but what about the beef? Chicken and beef.
Speaker 1:It's a casserole, a catterole.
Speaker 2:What is a casserole?
Speaker 1:It's all of those things dumped in one dish and baked in the oven.
Speaker 2:That sounds like a garbage, can it's?
Speaker 1:delicious.
Speaker 2:Everything thrown in.
Speaker 1:It's delicious.
Speaker 2:When I first started hanging out with Dan and Lee. I remember the first time I went to have Thanksgiving with your family.
Speaker 1:You had Thanksgiving with us?
Speaker 2:No, this was after we got married no, Never Thanksgiving with my family Really. Oh, it was one of them Christmas. Okay, it was one of them.
Speaker 1:All right, I couldn't tell the difference. We never missed Thanksgiving with your mom.
Speaker 2:Okay, I couldn't tell the difference. We never miss Thanksgiving with your mom. Okay, I couldn't tell the difference. All right, it was one of the meals and I remember I sat at the table. I could smell the food. It smells good. You know, your mom was cooking I think you were helping her out, things like that and I'm like yo, I can't wait to eat. I'm starving right now. Son, I cannot wait to eat. So we all sit at the table. You know we're just getting the plates, all that stuff, and we prayed. I think on the table was just already the rolls.
Speaker 2:I told you it's bread rolls, right Bread rolls which I couldn't wait to tap into them bread rolls and things were good. So, all right, the salt's there, the pepper's there. They're together, of course. You know, in my house the salt was over here, the pepper was over there. You know what I mean Growing up. We just don't know where it was. It's like what kind of salt you want, you know?
Speaker 2:what I mean, what kind of salt you want you know and so and Dan Lee's like I'll make you a plate. So I'm like, okay, cool, I want her to make me a plate. She comes out with the plate.
Speaker 1:It.
Speaker 2:I think the other thing could have been like corn or something like that Yep Corn.
Speaker 1:Mashed potatoes corn ham.
Speaker 2:Guys, I'm sitting here.
Speaker 1:There might have been some mac and cheese.
Speaker 2:It could have been mac and cheese instead of corn. So I'm sitting here, I'm looking at this plate. None of the food is touching each other, because that's the problem already. If the food's not touching each other, there's not enough food on there.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, my food touches each other, but once I learned Haitian culture, you just dump it all in one pile. If the food is not touching each other, then someone needs to go back in there and cook some more food.
Speaker 2:My mom's going to kill you for this. So I'm sitting here, I'm looking at this plate and I'm just like I'm back. I'm looking like I'm looking First of all those that are you watching or listening on Apple or Spotify. You can't see my gesture right now, so go watch on YouTube. I'm laying on this plate and I'm just over here looking back at the kitchen. I'm looking back at the kitchen. I'm like, okay, maybe they're coming out with the other food the pork, the fish, the rice, the beef. We all sit down and we're about to pray for the food. Your lead us in a prayer. And I'm looking at this food. I'm like, okay, all right, the ham, I know the mac, I know. All right, all this looks good and it was great. I mean, I had good I mean I had three.
Speaker 1:I had to have like three plates, yeah, but in my head.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking like where's the? I'm thinking like where's the beef?
Speaker 1:It's literally like guess who's coming to dinner Like it was verbatim.
Speaker 2:And you know, in my culture, in Haitian culture, if there's no rice, it's not a meal.
Speaker 1:That's true.
Speaker 2:It's not a meal, it's all appetizers. So I had three plates of appetizers that day, but that was. That was light, right. We're just kind of chilling right now. We're kind of just talking about little things. Listen, we still haven't even talked about raising kids. We still haven't talked about when a white girl comes down into a Haitian culture down in South Florida come you, came to our church. I mean people was like straight, like mean doggy, not everybody, but people were straight, sizing you too, for sure Cause they're trying to figure out.
Speaker 1:Not everybody, but people were straight sizing you too, For sure, because they're trying to figure out. Yo, who is this? Who do you think she is? Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:Somebody just jumped on our YouTube chat the other day talking trash.
Speaker 1:They did Right.
Speaker 2:Someone said I'm too weak to get a black woman.
Speaker 1:They did and I was like hi, haters. But I remember, even when we got engaged like our home church, the women there there was lots of Caribbean women there and so they were Jamaican, haitian, panamanian and like they intentionally pulled you aside after we got engaged and asked why are you marrying a white woman or a white girl? At that time I was a white girl. That's wild, it's crazy. But you would tell them like I didn't seek her out because she was white, I fell in love with her and she just happened to be white. Yeah, man.
Speaker 2:I think the biggest challenge honestly for me has been um overcoming the year of 2020. That one was the big one for us, it really was that was where all of our differences like really caught up, yeah, and like slapped us hard in the face that's true, because at an early age, when people said, okay, are you, is she gonna learn creole? I'm just like man, it don't matter I didn't, really didn't care didn't care anything.
Speaker 2:is she gonna learn how to cook asian food? But here we are where we hit after 10 years of marriage. At the time was the first time I asked Danny Lee of like yo, how come you never really took on my Haitian culture, Learning the language, trying to cook the rice, the pork, the fish, the beef, the chicken Right? Why is why I'm always in all these casseroles?
Speaker 1:I only knew how to cook dude. I know, I know I'm always in all these casseroles. I only knew how to cook dude. I know, I know I'm still, I'm not good, I'm still not good at Asian food, the only reason we're joking right now, y'all, is because we've overcome and we want to share with you guys the things that we've done and really talk about the truth about it.
Speaker 2:Like people look at us, people see our family. They look at us. They see pictures like man, you guys are just a picture perfect family. You guys are like. You guys belong in the magazine. It's not easy being an interracial couple. It's not easy raising biracial children, especially when they start talking and asking questions. The year 2020, jordan used to ask me the hardest questions that year.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's even still hard in this season with him. He has so many questions like saying you know he'll say things like I'm black, I'm black, um, you know, like, and it's true. But just crafting that balance and grounding him in their roots that's that's how us, like me, learning Creole started was because in 2020, you asked me those questions like why did you never want to learn Creole? And in my defense at that, like the last 10 years, you had always said it doesn't really matter to you. I didn't think it mattered to you. And then, in 2020, it came and we had just had Brooklyn and it just flashed before my eyes of an 18 year old girl standing there saying like why did you never teach me who I am? I remember there was a really big impact on me when I moved from Indiana to Florida. Y'all Floridians, everybody asks you what's your background?
Speaker 2:Yeah, where are you from?
Speaker 1:I didn't have that answer. I'm American, I'm all American, is what I would say, and people would laugh at me because they're like no one's from America Like I. I didn't have those answers and I'd ask my parents like where are we from? And even my parents didn't have a ton of knowledge of our background or history, because in the middle of America it's actually not that emphasized either.
Speaker 2:It's not.
Speaker 1:It's not it's not a melting pot there, so no one really cares to ask us questions. Later on I found that, you know, I did have some family in England, I do have some German like, so, like some of those things I found out. But so I had a little experience of that of like I don't know to tell these people I'm as American as we go back, as we know, Um and so, when I had that vision of an 18 year old Brooklyn standing there looking at me and saying, mom, why don't you teach me these things? Like it really changed it?
Speaker 2:Do they even know the names of our kids? I don't think we ever told him. Oh, ok, well, brooklyn is for I guess we should.
Speaker 1:Brooklyn Eve is, for I guess we should do like meet the heiresses type of thing. Yeah, meet the heiresses. We have to do that one. Yeah, no.
Speaker 2:I guess we should do like meet the Aristotle's type of thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, meet the Aristotle's we're going to have to do that one, yeah, no, but it's real. And Jordan is 10.
Speaker 2:Jordan's 10.
Speaker 1:So Jordan's definitely in this phase of like he wants to be cool and swaggy and, you know, wear a chain necklace and he wants to be a football player. Yeah, it's honestly His culture, like it's really.
Speaker 2:I didn Realize how challenging it would be to marry outside of my race and outside of, like my family's nationality, until we started raising our kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's true, you know, when you told me this story that's so true being just us two.
Speaker 2:It was fine, we loved each other because, like, we understood, yeah, we knew it, even for your mom to have that conversation with you at the early stage of just like, hey, like, we're all equal, we're all good, like, but just know that we live in a world, especially in a country, that has a hard time accepting it and in this country that we live in, when people don't understand it, then they turn from it, they judge it. They judge it and, like for me, like when I have, I have friends that I have, like one of my buddies, like he's Korean and so like when someone says like hey, man, you know, hey, you're Chinese, right, I'm like, no, he's not Chinese, he's Korean. Like to me, I'm like, did I ever know that he was Korean? No, I, just one day I asked him. I said, hey, man, like, where's your family from? Like, where are you?
Speaker 2:Like, excuse my ignorance, and I think in this uncomfortable with information they know nothing about, so they just say ignorant statements, like I'm going to say it like all lives matter, because really it's a statement to say that I don't know anything about brown, I don't know anything about yellow, I don't know anything about white, I don't know anything about brown, I don't know anything about red or all the other colors. So then we're just going to say no colors matter, and to me, I think I'm, I don't. I don't want to get all all spiritual, but I'm going to say this Like I think it's an insult to God when we don't want to acknowledge his creation. I love the fact that we're different. Let's talk about it. I want to gain a better understanding of your race and your background, and then your culture, and then because culture can be changed, there's certain things about your culture.
Speaker 1:I adopted oh my gosh, it was so crazy. I honestly, as an American, I don't think of culture very strong in our world.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but when you said Because we live in your country.
Speaker 1:Because you live in your country. But when you said, like Danny Lee, coke is your culture and not cocaine, guys like Coca-Cola, like my hometown is huge, I was like, oh my God, you're right, that is my culture, it's fine. Like soda fountain drinks are a culture, like it's a thing.
Speaker 2:Sports is our culture and for us, we drink our soda as Jupina. You ever heard of that one right there I have heard of that one.
Speaker 1:You know why? Because I've adopted a Haitian culture.
Speaker 2:You remember when I used to buy the maltas.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And put them in our fridge. Them things were like 600 calories, boy, so much sugar. And they don't taste good, oh no, you better watch your mouth. You better wash, wash, wash your mouth. But what I'm saying is like being us is not as easy as people think. It's not as easy as it looks as it looks.
Speaker 1:And we've worked hard. So, yes, in 2020, in that experience, I did start learning Creole. Thank you, shout out to Duolingo If you want to. You know, support us, that'd be great. So Duolingo teaches me Creole and teaches my son Creole.
Speaker 2:And I did accept to start eating more casseroles.
Speaker 1:That'd be great, yeah, so Duolingo teaches me Creole and teaches my son Creole, and I did accept to start eating more casseroles. That's true, and I love that. I never really so. That was one thing.
Speaker 2:I really struggled with Haitian food.
Speaker 1:I just my palate just never adjusted to it. I never. I couldn't. I tried. I tried everything your mama made for me and I always talk about. Your mom made me oxtail for the first time and she spoiled me so hard because she actually took the oxtail meat off the bone, which is like no one does that in the in the Island community, like they don't usually take it off the bone, you leave it on the oxtail bone.
Speaker 1:Your mom made it for me like a beef stew and it was the most amazing meat I've ever had speaking of my mom.
Speaker 2:For those of you don't know, my mom did pass about a year and a half ago. In 2020, in 2020, um, 2022, september 1st, she passed um, but her and I'll have a whole nother. There's a whole nother episode we'll do, just talking about the passing of my mom and what that was like, what my relationship was like, where, as you guys know, this channel is all about relationships and I actually had a solid relationship with my mom. I haven't shed a tear since she's passed and people say, oh man, you're probably bearing, you're probably not talking about it. No, we talk about it. I actually have a picture of her right now in our living room. I'm looking at a picture of my mom right now. I keep one in my desk. We talk about her all the time. She's still part of our life and we know that one day we're going to see her again. But we're going to talk about another day. But can we talk about the Haitian food that they had at her funeral? Though that thing was, it was bomb.
Speaker 1:Okay, so there is a few you're right, there are a few things, and that food was fire.
Speaker 2:It was so good, it was literally fire but it was delicious.
Speaker 1:Okay, so there are a few, but it was delicious. Okay, so there are a few. I can be picky, but there are a few haitian food that I'll get done with, and I do love a good grill when we go home, let's go.
Speaker 2:But it was honestly hard work for us to really accept the fact that we were very different yeah and that just recently happened, a couple years ago of just like um 2020, when the whole george floored thing happened. Yeah, the other kid, elijah, who passed um our mod, our berry was the big one that one literally felt like it shook our actual family in house.
Speaker 2:Like that one shook us to our core and for those of you that are listening to this and saying, like why are they making such a big deal about this? That tells me, first of all, how small minded some people may be or how small their circle may be.
Speaker 1:That's true.
Speaker 2:Like the trauma that's happening at the border, things that are happening in Mexico, things that are happening in Haiti. Like that hits home to us. Right, we have people and know people that are affected by that Right, and so I'm not saying I'm saying I vote left or right. That's not what this is about. We're not talking politics. What I'm saying is to gain understanding about someone else that's different from you.
Speaker 1:And their experiences. I think that is where it really really changes is not to just know someone but to know their experience. And there's so much that I could go into politically that I don't want to. But knowing my friends and my coworkers experiences, knowing your experience, knowing your family's experience, it's all different because like when my dad came from Haiti to America like he was not.
Speaker 2:Haitians were not respected at that time. They were treated like the lowest level of black people. At the time, like when I was growing up in elementary, I cried when people found out that I was Haitian. I cried because I knew we'd get picked on. And guess who? We got picked on by by those that had the same color as us because they knew we weren't their race. And then the whole world put us in their same category as us because they knew we weren't their race. And then the whole world put us in their same category but for us, we gravitated towards our nationality and our culture, saying no, we're not like them.
Speaker 2:So my whole childhood, growing up, like I know, like my older brother, like he got jumped and beat up for being Haitian and beat up for being Haitian. I remember the turn for when being Haitian like wasn't cool to like being cool, when people got a chance to understand us and all it had to do with was ignorance. People just didn't know, they didn't understand. So they either made fun of it, they turned it, or they just prejudged, made up in their mind who they thought those type of people were my whole Jordan's age. I cried. That was one of the reasons why for those who don't know, like my childhood, like I, went by the name Peter all the time, one of the reasons why I loved the name Peter because once they heard Peter, they was like, okay, okay, cool, they just knew he was American. But in Florida, when you heard the word, the name Pierre, you already knew you were Haitian. You was Haitian. That's crazy.
Speaker 2:And my childhood growing up like you, got picked on. You were made fun of. I remember when in high school like I remember the turn I was middle school, high school One time in high school one guy came to me. He's like, hey, man, what's up? Man, I was like, hey. I was like, hey, he's like you Haitian. And I was like, yeah. And he's like, okay, sa passe, man, I love Haitians. Man, y'all cool. I literally did not know how to respond to it. That was the first time someone said apparently, again, we live in a world where someone, once they gain understanding and they realize these people aren't a harm, they're not a threat, right? So imagine that's my upbringing.
Speaker 2:Growing up, we were taught. We were taught to stay out of the way of white people. It's crazy because this wasn't my parents, my this, this is not our country. We weren't like. Haitian people have different history from African-Americans, from African-Americans who came. We have this different history. The Haitian people came here because they wanted to come here, but they knew this wasn't their land.
Speaker 2:So imagine that being your whole upbringing, growing up as a child, towards white people, towards brown people, towards yellow people, towards red people, and people are sitting like man yo. They're saying all these colors, listen, there's nothing wrong with us being different. I have friends that are all the different colors and say man yo, these guys are racist. I'm not, first of all, racist. To me, there's only one race. We talked about this before we saw a hit record. There's only one race and it's the human race. It's a human race. God loves every single one of us. He died for all of us and we all bleed red. These bodies are just vehicles and I love the fact that we were just going up.
Speaker 2:You know we got married. We did our thing. In my culture, they thought once I married a white person. This is going to be hard for some people to hear that it was like tailwind for me. That's crazy conversation saying that, hey, it's going to be hard marrying a black man. In some cities, some states, some areas. You'll have a hard time because people will just automatically see the man that you're married to. And I was taught like, hey, that's what's up, man, you got the move up.
Speaker 2:You just stepped up it's tailwind. That's what they thought it's crazy.
Speaker 2:That things would be a little bit easier for me. Here's the crazy thing. I'll be honest with you, babe. I thought that the first couple of years of our marriage I just thought things would be a little bit different for me. I would look a little disarming if I had a white wife next to my side. Obviously, that's not why I married you. I married you because I loved you. We made it through some hard times and we fell in love with each other. Right, we were best friends.
Speaker 1:But in my mind, somewhere deep down, I thought I mean, but it you saw that play out in 2020 it caught up the ugly part of it it got ugly of walking in gosh. This is so hard, um like walking in pasadena and being treated so differently. If I was with you or if I wasn't.
Speaker 2:The Ahmaud Arbery story hurt me so bad I cried. I remember when I heard that this guy got hunted down for running through a neighborhood. Now people are going to listen to this saying well, they said that there was suspicion that he was walking through houses. It doesn't matter, the guy was unarmed and he got hunted down. There's a whole plot against it and the guy's already convicted. But this is not about that story.
Speaker 2:Right, it's about how it impacted us, so those of you that are listening don't be jumping in chats and talking about that situation. We're talking about how it impacted us. About that situation. We're talking about how it impacted us. When I sat there in the news, read the story and cried because I literally thought I run through neighbors. I don't live in every single day when I go for walks. I was going for six mile walks that day or that season during 2020. I was riding my bike. I lived in Pasadena, so we were going all. I was riding my bike, I lived in Pasadena, so we were going all. I was going through all kinds of neighborhood and when I heard the story of this guy that just got hunted down just because he doesn't live here what you're doing here I'm like I cried. That hurt and it was tough coming home to even talk about it.
Speaker 1:There was so much stuff I just couldn't talk about because it's easy to be dismissed right, I think I did learn a lot in that season and, like hearing your experience and hearing like how it feels to be you, I think I learned a lot of like how much I was raised to just give the benefit of the doubt to the police officers. Like the benefit of the doubt to the police officers, like the benefit of the doubt, and like I had to really realize that like you can't actually always do that and it's it's not true and you know, in every story that we mentioned, in every story that happened in 2020, there's factors on both sides of like different like we can't like. It's not about the factors of the story, it's the fact of it's what we said earlier of being able to listen to someone and understand what it feels like to be like in their experience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that was hard to talk about, because that was the first year I actually verbalized, actually, what I feel like when I'm walking through our neighborhood and it's just me, by myself, in this black hoodie, with a hoodie over my head and having to wear a mask. Wearing a mask in 2020, I literally hated it because people could not see my face, they could not see that I was disarming and walking through and some people are watching this stuff. Man, we love you. Man, you're great. Yeah, because you know me.
Speaker 2:Now People don't see me and naturally think that, oh, he's a dad, right, he's a husband, he's a pastor, he's a mentor, he's a leader that he believes in as a family. The type of attention that we got as a family, honestly, like it was like and I said this to you back in 2020. And you probably haven't heard me say it since, because I've been able to release that but you were my shield, like I was able to hide behind you and the kids sometimes, yeah, walking through the airport is just different with you and the kids by my side.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that year was the year that it all caught up. That was the year that I first asked you like how come you never learned Creole, right? Or Jordan's asking like what am I? And you were always saying, like you're just my baby, he's my baby, he's my baby, right. Like you're just my baby, he's my baby, he's my baby, right. Like you remember that season? Yeah, which is the truth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but he's acting like right, but like what am I? Yeah, yeah, and just really learning to embrace, like and being intentional. I think that is what I learned of like we can't just raise our kids to let them know that they're loved and they are my babies, but like, okay, this is who you are, this is your background, this is your culture, this is your race, this is your nationality, you know, but even with Jordan, like I have to work really hard to be like, no, jordan, like you are black, but you better not forget. You got all your mom's personality, like reminding him that he is both you and me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's, yeah, yeah, man, it's it. Man. It's hard because I think some people that might be listening to this you guys are listening to this thinking like why are they talking about this so much? This is the conversation that we have in our house sometimes because, as we raise these little kids, when you see our four-year-old baby girl, brooklyn, naturally everyone's going to think she's the prettiest girl in the room. Everyone wants to know what is she? The older she gets, right, she's gonna walk into the room with how she looks, and so for us it was very important for us to have conversation like baby girl, it doesn't matter how you look, right, you are smart, you are god's daughter. Yeah, we love you, mommy loves you, daddy loves you, daddy loves you. But just know that we live in a world that sees you first.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and she'll be told she's the prettiest girl in the room her whole life.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And so what we don't want is 18 year old Brooklyn, 30 year old Brooklyn, walking around this world like she has certain rights or privileges or whatever, understanding that she walks into a room and it's like no, you just have to know, when you walk into a room, people see you first before they hear you. Once you start talking, they'll realize, like, okay, like, even for me that's what happened when I walk into a room. People realize that, okay, this guy's not, he's not just African-American. Once I start talking, they're like okay, what's his, what's wrong with his accent, why does he sound like that? Why does he say it like that? And then they're like okay, his name is Pierre, all right, something's off with this guy. All right, okay, but that's. Those are the conversations that we've had in our household of understanding, and you know we've we've come to an agreement that it's a choice on what we decide to pass down to our children and teach them.
Speaker 2:Because I wasn't, because this land ain't my land, this from California, I'm sorry, just had to, even though I was born in America. So, technically speaking, my nationality is American, but I came out of a Haitian culture, so I learned the language, I learned everything about the food. I learned all the songs. I went to. About the food. I learned all the songs. You know, I went to Haitian churches my whole childhood coming up, right? So when we look at police officers, we don't think they're on our side, we don't give them the benefit of doubt, right? We just think, hey, man, this ain't even our country.
Speaker 1:And we were literally taught if something happens, run straight to an officer.
Speaker 2:When you first told me that, I was like when something's go wrong, run to an officer.
Speaker 1:Yep Find a cop. If you get lost, if you get separated, you run to a police officer.
Speaker 2:And so we've made a decision to say you know what? We're going to educate our kids on all of the above, to give them a full understanding of like. First of all, the officers are here to protect us. They're here to serve us. There are some crooked ones, there are some messed up ones, jacked up ones, but I'm going to teach them the truth about their role and what they do, and also get them to understand now, just know the world that we live in. Because of someone's race we read it earlier people can get categorized into certain groups and because of the way that mommy looks or daddy looks, right. So I always taught you that, like I always taught you how we saw officers. So, coming up as a Haitian, we just stayed out of the way, right. And so for you in this land, when you hear the national anthem, you get all teary eyed, you start crying to me. I'm like what are you crying for? We're like oh, take your hat off, dude. I'm like wait, what you think my Haitian parents do?
Speaker 1:anything about a national anthem? That was your culture. Yeah, my grandpa, that was the nation.
Speaker 2:There you go. That was, that was, that's your nationality, it was the pride of that and that's totally fine. So I've adopted that. So I'm like all right, cool, we'll take off the hat, we put it over the what side? The right side? I'll try to, you know, I'll try to fabricate some tears. You know what I mean. Or, I knew that that was your culture. But what I love is that you knew that that wasn't my culture. Right, we didn't. We didn't have American flags in our house.
Speaker 1:Right, right, you guys did. Yeah, we had the Haitian flag in our house.
Speaker 2:It's true, yeah, like you know what I mean. Like, on July 4th we celebrated just because it was off.
Speaker 1:And you go to the beach and we went to the beach. I know, but January 1st you got to have some soup.
Speaker 2:Because January 1st was a big day for us, because that was our independence independence day. So here we are in America celebrating Haitian cultures. So we made a decision to say like we're going to teach our kids just the truth. So jordan, even for him. Every time he looks at sees cops, I say, buddy, wave, say hi, he's a police officer. I say, hey guys, wave at the police officers. He knows how I feel. He knows I get all nervous, he, and even though I didn't do nothing, even though he knows how that.
Speaker 1:But but to me it's just the point of just educating our children and teaching them healthy boundaries, healthy respect, healthy approaches, like not bleeding all over them. I think is important to like giving them a good rounded balance, so like we'll tell Jordan when he gets older we'll explain more things to him. But finding in and we don't know the perfect balance, we don't know how to do it perfectly. That's parenthood, and if you are not concerned every day that you're not screwing up parenthood, then you're probably not doing it right, Because it is a constant battle of which way do we go this way, that way is this too much, not enough, all of the above, but I think it's so important to share those things with them without bleeding all over them, and and sharing with them when the time is right.
Speaker 2:And I think that's where a lot of people and the generations before got it wrong. They bled over the next generation, right. So I have African-American friends that have chips on their shoulders because of their dads or their parents or their relatives or their uncles, and they're walking around feeling a certain type of way. And I'm like man, you are like fifth, sixth generation. How do you know that? Because that bitterness carried through all the generations and vice versa.
Speaker 2:Right, Racism is taught, so true. So if little kids start walking around feeling a certain type of way, it's just like wait, what you know? I saw this one time, a video of a little black kid like talking about cops, and I'm thinking like, buddy, you're six I saw it was a YouTube video six, he was six. I'm like, oh, that was taught.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like the third grader in Jordan's class that told him he didn't belong in the school because he wasn't Mexican, but because he was black he didn't belong there. It was taught. Yeah, that's what conversation was happening at home.
Speaker 2:Or how they're having conversations. Now Someone called him a monkey Mm-hmm, and we had a conversation deep about it, about wait, how do we teach him about this? And first of all, I was like well, first of all, what I don't want to do is take away his innocence.
Speaker 1:Right, because sometimes fourth graders are literally just talking about monkeys.
Speaker 2:Yep, they're literally just talking about monkeys. And so what I don't want to do is force him to understand all the things that are going on in the world that are implied of a monkey. There you go. Yeah, we know that, but I'm not gonna bleed on him. I'm not gonna go knocking down his school door saying who called my son a monkey and we found out it was another fourth grader and they were all picking animals for each other.
Speaker 1:Something right well, literally the teacher said they all call each other a version of a monkey. There's like something else that goes with it, like silly monkey or whatever, and like they all call each other it like all of them I literally called the kids monkeys.
Speaker 2:The other day I got in the car I said, all right, let's go monkeys. So someone said he's calling his kids monkeys.
Speaker 1:I'm like, wait what like they're literally thinking of the animal because they're innocent.
Speaker 2:Yeah that's, and that's what I'm saying is, how did we make it through? We've made a decision to wash our minds clear and clean of all the imperfections, the impurities of this world and how we've perverted everything. The kids just like calling each other monkeys. So what we did was we taught him we. We say hey, buddy, just so that you know, in this world, in this country, sometimes the word monkey can be insulting and implying on something. And let me teach you what those kinds of people mean. Right, I wanted him to know the difference, right, cause I don't want to take away his innocence. So I was like so there are some people. So if someone calls you that, if it's one of your fourth grader friends, ask them hey, what are you trying to say? Get clarity. But if he's fourth, the kid's in third grade and just playing around Like a second grader.
Speaker 1:They don't even know that they don't even know.
Speaker 2:So stop walking around with a chip on your shoulder. So that's honestly, that's, that's what we've done to overcome. We're still having conversation. We've had so many conversations in 2020, the whole Amy Cooper thing and the whole birdwatcher situation.
Speaker 1:That was a big deal.
Speaker 2:That one was hard because we're not going to even tap into that. If you guys don't know, don't even YouTube it, don't even Google it through our differences when it comes to race, when it comes to culture, when it comes to nationalities, and understanding that some of them we can't change, but some of them we can change. But ultimately, at the end of the day, it's a choice that we've made to say we're going to adopt each other's backgrounds. We're going to come together I want to gain a better understanding of how you did it growing up and then we want to raise our kids to understand, like, listen, the world that we live in. You guys are just going to look the way you look. You're not going to walk into a room and everybody's just going to know that you have a certain background. So don't get offended for someone else's ignorance.
Speaker 1:I think too, even as you're talking about us adopting each other's cultures, I think a big part of it also was leaving behind the culture we were raised in, of knowing that, like you're not just coming to start a house that looked like the house you grew up in and vice versa, my house will not look like I'm not bringing everything that my parents brought to me. I'm grateful for my parents and I'm grateful for the parents that you have and had and what they did for you. Like we're both. We have wonderful parents, but that doesn't mean that our house takes on one of those characteristics, and that's it.
Speaker 1:Like this I remember like I used to always want to do the pajama thing on Christmas Eve. So my mom always let us open one present on Christmas Eve and it was always the one she picked out for us and it was always with pajamas. And so I was trying to do it with my kids because it was special to me and Pierre was like it doesn't have to be that. So, knowing that there even though I have a special memory with that and I love it with all my heart, and now I actually still buy the kids pajamas, but now I buy the kids pajamas before Christmas Eve so they wear them longer Like just knowing that, like we start fresh. I think that's a big thing for marriages, of like I don't come in here trying to make my home just how my mom made it and you don't come in here trying to make your home just how my mom made it and you don't come in here trying to make your home just how your mom made it.
Speaker 2:But here's the thing we did at the beginning and that's what. That's what messed us up. Yeah, you know, we had these conversations of like, what are you gonna do, like, like with your kids? We're like oh no. And then we have kids where we realize like. Then we realized like, oh man, like we don't, we got to figure this out Right the whole. Yeah, the tradition that you guys had of just Christmas jammies on Christmas Eve. The first time you told me about it I was like well, every Christmas they got to get jammies and open it. They get to open one present the night before Christmas, but the present is already pre like.
Speaker 1:Yes, preselected. And you're always like, but then they only get a short time to wear Christmas pajamas. That was the one that was like okay, I guess that makes sense.
Speaker 2:I'll buy them Christmas pajamas, but for so many years we did try to force our cultures into our house.
Speaker 1:And it wasn't working.
Speaker 2:And it wasn't working Sure. So I'd get upset with you that you didn't learn Creole, versus me asking you at the beginning, or when we finally got to that breaking point where I was like how come you don't want to learn, and you was like you've never actually asked me, we've never talked about it.
Speaker 1:We had never talked about it. And every time people did talk about it, I heard your response. Your response was it doesn't matter. So to me it doesn't matter. To him he's fine. So I never felt like and I will say, part of it, too also was tools like there was no Duolingo back then, 15 years ago, Like it wasn't as easy. That has been a huge tool for me and I was so excited when I learned that there was something in my phone that could teach me Creole. So, but because you had always said it doesn't matter, I genuinely thought that's how you felt. But then, once 2020 rolled around and we talked about it, we realized how you actually felt and you actually shared with me that it did bother you and you wish it was different. Now I love. I love when we have those moments out in public where we can talk Creole to each other, and I know it means a lot to you too. And do you remember? We were in Salvation Army the other day.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:And this guy was being crazy and I just went straight Creole and I was like, oh, oh, he's a good day, good day, good day. Like I and you were like talking back in Creole to me and I know that that's something really special that we just shared.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, that's wild man. That's crazy. We've gone through a lot, man, we've faced a lot and we're still going through stuff. I mean, even till this day. We're not even talking to share about the stories that happened currently, like when we're at the gym or when we're in restaurants or when we walk into places, or when people need to describe me right, like at church or at the gym or those types of things, man. But at the end of the day, like it's a choice that we've made on how do we want to see it? Is color important? I think it's important because God made us all a different color.
Speaker 1:If he chose it, then it is important.
Speaker 2:It has to be important. So I have a problem when people say we don't see color. To me I'm like that's you denying God's work.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:He chose us all to be different shapes, so we can embrace it. We can embrace it and for me, I love it. I love understanding. Hey, where you from, man, okay, how long you been out here? Okay, so where's your? Oh, so you were born here, okay. Do you speak the language? Okay, cool, like what do you guys? All right, okay, so you guys do rights too. I love talking about the differences of like versus like, trying to act like we're all the same, we're not the same and that's okay. That's actually great, that's okay, and so for us, that was the biggest thing in 2020, when we finally had that conversation of just like yo, we're very different man, and I felt like we both trying to force our backgrounds into this household, and now that kids got into the mix, it was super hard.
Speaker 1:Yeah with us for all these last episodes of us talking about everything that happened in 2020, we've actually talked more about our marriage therapy and us coming to this point at 2020, where we actually were ready to separate and that was marriage issues, but we never even really talked about like this was a whole other factor in that moment. So we were dealing with these type of conversations and identity issues and I was postpartum and we had COVID, so there were just a lot of factors going on at once that just really really hit us hard and this was one of the biggest ones, one of the two or three, like when you said that year, just like maybe you just married the wrong person, and I was like man, you've said this for so long, let's talk about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what if I did? Maybe I did, because our differences like really caught up and really bothered us and we just realized, like man, we just saw the world differently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we saw the world differently, like, and so and now that we've had these conversations, I can say with more certainty than ever I am a better person because I can hear you and California there was a time where they were doing like raids for illegal aliens and having friends at work stressed about their family members Like, I'm a better person from Kokomo, indiana, because my world is so much bigger than just Indiana, because my world is affected by people who are in Haiti and the violence that's going on right now. My world is affected by people who came from a different country and are just trying to have a better life. Like and this has nothing to do with politics, y'all like this is literally just seeing the world through different people's experiences and eyes. That made me a better person, that opened up my world and like I'm genuinely better because of these experiences and because I'm able to just hear you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So yeah, this conversation has nothing to do with politics. Yeah, it has nothing to do with the school system. It has nothing to do with hip hop and pop culture. It has nothing to do. It all has to do with building better relationships with people. We say it all the time it's about building relationship with God. Why? Because when you get to know God, you get to love him and his creation. Yeah, the two greatest commandments in the Bible is to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself. That's so true.
Speaker 1:That's the two greatest commandments in the Bible is to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself. That's so true.
Speaker 2:That's the two greatest commandments To love God and to love you. It's Bible. And so our neighbors don't look like us literally Yep. And so to gain an understanding, to know that I feel like I'm harmless, I'm going to look at my neighbors and just think that they're harmless as well. Now, I'm not going to be ignorant, right, because we do. Got some neighbors out in the city area that I'm just like yo, this dude right here, god, he's sketchy, he's sketchy.
Speaker 2:Keep him away, jesus, I'm going to love him, but from over here to over there.
Speaker 1:And with a weapon in my hand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but that's what this conversation really is about. This is the truth about interracial marriages that it's not easy. It's not all photo shoots and magazines and oh my gosh, look at their mixed babies and their kids't know how much work it is for us to be an interracial couple. A healthy interracial couple yeah.
Speaker 1:It's still hard work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's hard, man, and so, ultimately, that's what this is about Getting to know God, building a relationship with him. When you love him, you'll love his people, you'll love his creation, the people that he made. You'll be able to understand yourself, you'll be able to give yourself grace and people grace. I was just reading today in Revelations, chapter five. This is not a Bible study, but if you got your Bibles, turn your Bibles to the book of Revelations, chapter five. Right, revelation, oh Revelation. You know I put an S on everything.
Speaker 1:No, I was actually quoting.
Speaker 2:Craig Franklin. It's fine, oh, the book of Revelation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2:Oh, chapter All right, Chapter five, and it was saying how Christ died for every single one of us, and he died for every tribe, every language, all people and every nation. Go read it for yourself. Revelation, chapter five, verse nine God died. God brought his son. Christ died for every single one of us, every single one of us, for every tribe, every language, every people, every nation. And so that's what this is about Ultimately it's getting a chance to learn someone else. Learn them. Put your guards down, ask a lot of questions, listen, love God and love his people, man, and we'll have much better lives. Yeah, that's all I got.
Speaker 1:That's it. So we love y'all. Thank you for joining us, you know, and just listening to us and hearing our hearts. We really just wanted to share our experience and what we've had to fight through and what we've had to learn, and I said it before we hit record. I know that there's still so much more for us to learn and that we'll continue to learn and our world would continue to change, and so this will always be a conversation that needs to be happening and continuing to happen. And so, um, we love y'all, subscribe like, hit us in the comments. We want to hear from y'all and, uh, let's dig.
