LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
Pierre and Danilee Aristil let you in on their personal chats. Inspiring you to DIG deeper relationships with God, yourself and others.
Jesus said, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind… and equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.”
- Matthew 22:37-39
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LET'S DIG | Pierre & Danilee Aristil
Is My Body Yours? | Practical Tips for a Stronger Marriage
Balancing a husband's desires with a wife's emotional state can be a delicate dance. We challenge the mindset of entitlement and advocate for mutual respect and understanding within the marriage bed. Listen as we discuss how husbands can be emotionally aware and considerate, while wives can address their husbands' fear of rejection. Initiating intimacy and fostering a feeling of mutual desire are key themes we explore to help couples maintain a healthy and vibrant relationship.
Life's daily hustle can often be the biggest barrier to maintaining intimacy. We provide practical advice on tackling the mental load women carry, from sharing household responsibilities to the strategy of scheduling sex. You'll learn how mutual support and self-care can help partners reconnect. Additionally, we underscore the power of faith and open communication in strengthening marriages, encouraging couples to engage in meaningful discussions that draw them closer to each other and to God. Join us, and let your marriage be transformed by these insights.
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What's up let's Dig crew. Welcome to a new episode. Listen. Last week we talked about wives and we got into some scripture that sounded, I don't know, a little suspicious.
Speaker 2:It wasn't suspicious, it wasn't sticky, it was a little something. It's the Bible. It said that your body belongs to me.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And my body belongs to you. We have no control over it. Give it to the spouse and the other spouse could do whatever they want to do with it.
Speaker 1:No, that's definitely not what we read, but anyways, we promised you that we would come back and talk about that scripture, because it was something We'll fill in the blanks, and so that's what we're digging in today. We're going to dig into that.
Speaker 2:Let's dig, let's dig Okay.
Speaker 1:So I needed my own clarification. When Pierre pulled out that scripture, I was like wait a minute, my own clarification. When Pierre pulled out that scripture, I was like wait a minute, I need to dig some more. So I did. So it is 1 Corinthians 7, and I found it in the message translation and so I'm just going to read it and then we're going to chat about it. So it says 1 Corinthians 7. Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, is it a good thing to have sexual relations? I'm sure everybody can answer that question. Certainly, it absolutely is, but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's a crazy phrase.
Speaker 1:That's a for sure, right on For sure, right on Sexual disorder. Okay. So this is kind of where the scripture comes into play a little bit, and the version that we read last week. It said wife's body belongs to a husband and a husband's body belongs to a wife. Yeah, right, okay. So this is the message translation. And it says the marriage bed must be a place of mutuality the husband seeking to satisfy his wife and the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to stand up for your rights. Marriage, it is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Love that, I love that.
Speaker 1:It says abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting, but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. And then he says I'm not understand, commanding these periods of abstinence, only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. But I just think that's so crazy of like how Paul's even saying like hey, you can do this for a time, you can take a break to fast, to focus on God for a little bit, but don't wait too long, because the enemy will come and attack you when you least expect it, and it's so true.
Speaker 1:I think that sex inside of a marriage is such a huge gift and I can't imagine with cause.
Speaker 1:I'm such an emotional person and without that connection to you, I mean I can't imagine how you would make a marriage last for years upon years, upon years upon years, because it is something and it is such a tool that keeps us so connected.
Speaker 1:So I just think I was going to say something, and I'm not sure, but I was going to say the other day, when we were having a certain conversation with our son and I was thinking about it and I was like, oh yeah, like in my head I did not say this out loud to her kid, but I was like, oh yeah, sex makes me remind me that I, like my husband, like, because the stress of life and so much gets in between us in the world we're working, we're out the kids, everything comes in between us, people come in between us, information, stress, finances, like everything is trying to come in between us, and the gift that God gave us is hey, if you go to that bedroom, you can literally get all that stuff out from between you and it can just be intimacy between the two of you, and that is the bond that keeps this marriage going or like, allows it to withstand all of those things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like you're preaching. Sorry, I didn't mean to. Are we talking about whether your body is mine or not? Like are we I feel like you're preaching.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I didn't mean to. Are we talking about whether your body is mine or not? I was just talking about the scripture.
Speaker 2:I understand that, but the scripture is saying seeking to satisfy.
Speaker 1:There was multiple parts of the scripture. I read a lot of scriptures, so that's where I came from, right, okay. Now we can talk about does my body belong to you or not?
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying. I'm like I feel like you're preaching and like I'm like this sounds really good, where. I'm like where, where, what are we talking about right now?
Speaker 2:talking about scripture dude like I'm talking about the gift of sex in marriage and, yeah, I, I think, I think, I think everybody could agree to that, that statement. You just said that sex is wonderful, right, but I think where we need to really dig into is, um, the whole conversation about what does it look like that your body belongs to me and my body belongs to you? Right For that scripture to talk about how to not withhold sex from one another. You know, we had, like like one of our let's dig crew people write us several months ago saying that their partner, their husband, was withholding sex. And it's been a few years, you know, and I think about that cause I'm, like, biblically speaking, like that guy's in the wrong. You know, right here we read in first Corinthians where it said that unless both of you guys agree to abstain from sex only with the purpose to focus more on God, but don't wait too long.
Speaker 2:And so I do think that, um, sex is a thing that men and women really use to leverage their influence with each other, like power.
Speaker 2:You know, I told you about. You know, like Robert Green, like he's one of the, a mentor guru and he wrote the book art of seduction and he talks about how women I mentioned one of the mentor guru and he wrote the book Art of Seduction Right and he talks about how women I mentioned this in the last episode, how, you know, women, many hundreds of years ago, like figured out how to control men, right, it was dangling sex and we see that behavior still happening in marriage and to the point where it's even been abused both ways, where even husbands are taking sex from their, from their wives. You know, we had a conversation last week, remember I told you last week of just like. You know it was that time of month for you, whatever, whatever that looks like, and for us guys, whatever that's. We're not gonna talk about that right now, we're not gonna talk about how, because I feel like that's not fair that you guys get to just sorry, my body's changing, sorry, I can't control it.
Speaker 1:I'm like well, I can't control it either. It's not our fault, it's Eve's. That's not what we signed up for, but what?
Speaker 2:I'm saying is like I know men and husbands that have that mindset of just like, hey, her body's mine. Like there's been times where I'll come home late from working or traveling, things like that, and I'm traveling, I can't wait to get it in, we're about to get it in, and I come home and I see how tired you are, and so to me, my way of serving you sometimes is abstaining in that moment and holding back the beast, right. Right, there's been times I told you something. I had to pray the beast down. I said, right now, in the name of Jesus, you better calm down, boy, father, you better dim this fire in me that's just burning. Right.
Speaker 2:But what I'm saying is out of respect and honor for you. Right, even though we are one, right, and your body is mine, we should be able to have sex whenever. I should be able to get sex whenever I want it. But out of respect and honor for you, when I see that man, she's busy, she's tired, the kids are on her mind, she was working all day long, she's stressed out about cooking dinner or cleaning the house, or she got a long week. Like for us guys it's different. Like we can have a long day, and the long day, I know for me may not affect my sex drive. Right, I'm still thinking about every day. We don't have this thing every single day for you. Depending on your day, it could be different. You may not be in the mood. I'm like what's in the mood? What does that feel like? To be out of the mood?
Speaker 1:Like it's the amount of stress that goes on in our brains. Sometimes we just don't have the emotional space, and that's the thing is that sex is such an emotional thing for women and sometimes we don't have the space for that. Like our space is all taken up with stress and exhaustion and frustration and worry, like we're so full of so many different things that we don't have the space to care about it. Yeah, that's crazy. It is crazy full of so many different things that we don't have the space to care about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's crazy. It is crazy and that's challenging too, because, like, if we're when we weren't in a healthy place, like when we weren't in a healthy place, you know comments like man, like somebody, better give me some sex. That's a thing, that's great.
Speaker 1:Not from you, but from other people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I'm saying that Not from you, but from other people yeah that's what I'm saying that they are unhealthy, narcissistic, controlling husbands that manipulates their wives, and even, you know, sexual abuse.
Speaker 2:We've heard about things of husbands assaulting, sexually assaulting their wives. In this case, because, technically, you can look at the scripture right here in 1 Corinthians, where itians, where it says that your body is not your own, it's not for your spouse, and so I think it is something that we're still finding a line every single day, even for me, like and you've never withheld, right, sex from me, right, there's never been a time I've never told you, even when we're going through our toughest season, you were mad at me, like we were still intimate. Well, maybe not even intimate, we were still having sex, right, right, but that's what I loved about you. But for me, I knew, out of honor and respect for you, I didn't feel comfortable having sex or getting sex, knowing that emotionally at the time you were disconnected, right, or getting sex, knowing that emotionally at the time you were disconnected Right, and I think that is that goes to the scripture saying you serve your spouse in the bed or outside of the bed.
Speaker 1:That's how you serve, it's how we serve each other. You serve being like emotionally aware, cognitively aware of where I'm at in that day. And then it's me serving you, saying, boy, I am so tired, I literally fell asleep one time already. I'm so ready to go to sleep, but I'm not going to turn you down because I don't want you to feel and this is a lot of what it is of that rejection. Rejection is such a big thing when you're talking about initiating sex, having sex, like what that looks like, and so I never want you to feel that rejection. And so for me, as a wife, that's how I serve you.
Speaker 2:I think, though I will say I've never felt rejected. I think certain seasons I have felt that I was the only one initiating, yeah, and sometimes that can feel like a form of rejection because it makes me feel like okay it makes me feel like she doesn't want this she doesn't want me.
Speaker 2:I have to go get it every single time, which is not a problem for me. What I'm saying is a real husband that really cares for his wife won't just keep getting sex. You're going to have conversations or going to take care of her throughout the day, and for me you know I've shared that like for us guys, like once we get physically, you know, connected throughout the day right. In our mind. We trying to it's leading to sex yeah.
Speaker 2:For you. You're just grateful that I touched you or that I loved on you, and then at bedtime, you snoring, going to sleep. I'm like yo, all that touching and loving that I did on you all day long Is going to waste, because what happened is there were so many other things sometimes in that season or in that day or in that week was just so much heavier than what you felt towards me. You still felt loved, yeah, you felt taken care of, but our minds think so differently.
Speaker 1:And I've told you many times, it's like during the daytime, when I'm at work, when I'm at whatever, I'm thinking like, yep, that's going to happen tonight, but then by the time the time rolls around, I'm exhausted, I'm beat and I have no more like space for it, and it stinks because I'm like man, that was not my plan either.
Speaker 2:Remember the other night I actually was like we was about we got in in bed and we was gonna have it, have this thing, and I was like, oh, my face froze for a second.
Speaker 1:I was like what is?
Speaker 2:I was like it's been five days you're so dramatic Five days, you're so dramatic.
Speaker 2:Five days. Well, you know, sex drive is different. You know, for us, especially like the season and things like that, that's going on. But for me I thought like man, and I'll be honest with you, babe, and I was honest with you that night, so I'm not saying anything here, for the first time that you haven't heard I was like it's challenging because I feel like at that time if I'm not the one initiating, we're not going to have sex and to me, for me as a caring husband, that bothers me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because to me I'm like I don't want to just be taking it from her, even though her body is mine.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And we are one. And the Bible says to not withhold sex from each other.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. So I know you're honoring the word of God Right Of like. I'm not going to keep this for him, Right, and I'm honoring the word of God of like. Hey, I can do this.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to take it.
Speaker 2:But we just read to not exercise our rights Right, because it's my right to have sex with back and listen to it where we talked about how husbands to love your wife like Christ loved the church, is that ultimate sacrifice, and for me, there's nights where I do have to make that sacrifice of like you know what Kill your flesh Five days. It's okay, five days Down, boy Down.
Speaker 1:Pierre, okay, okay, okay, oh, my word.
Speaker 2:He be like. Is he talking to a dog?
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm done. But I will say, and I shared this with you as well of, like, when you talk about the initiation from both sides, I shared with you that growing up as a church girl and we've talked about this in other you know know episodes as well of finding the difference or finding the balance of like lady in the streets freaking the sheets but I don't really have to be a freak in the sheets, that's just what the world says Like you know, finding that balance of um, embracing sexuality as a married woman, but growing up in the church and always telling yourself to subdue that and that's the devil. And so then all of a sudden, you get married and you're supposed to be this like crazy sexual being for like your spouse and be all these things. But initiating for women is very different and kind of complicated, to be honest. Like you know, we see these movies and it almost looks like the only way that women initiate is that we have to come out in lingerie in seductive ways, like and listen, bro, I just washed the dishes and did the kids hair. Like I don't want to come out in lingerie, my hair's not done, my makeup's not done. I don't feel like this confident, like amazing sexual woman.
Speaker 1:At this point it's Tuesday night, y'all like, and so sometimes that is really like a catch-up for me of like is ketchup, like. What am I trying to say? Like a snag, like you know. I'm trying to say like um ketchup when you say ketchup, I'm like I was like it sounds like ketchup theiment.
Speaker 1:That's not what I meant. I meant to say like a hiccup, like something that trips up my mind is that it's Tuesday night, I just cleaned the kitchen, the kids are going to bed school's tomorrow and I'm not feeling like this confident woman who has her hair done and her makeup done and feels like that confident, seductive person. So it's hard for women to get in that brain space has her hair done and her makeup done and feels like that confident, seductive person.
Speaker 2:So it's hard for women to get in that brain space when we have these kind of things on our plate all the time. So you think in order in your mind. You think in order to initiate sex you almost have to put on a dramatization, a prod a production Sometimes, not always. Like. You have to make sure hair looks good. The creams, the lotion, candle. You're wearing lingerie and not a muumuu, right you know? Or not? Ripped up clothes, right? Or clothes that look like you just finished painting.
Speaker 1:Oh guys, all my house clothes are just like.
Speaker 2:Or like shorts that look like you got chased by a dog and the dog won. All my house clothes are just like Shorts that look like you got chased by a dog and the dog won.
Speaker 1:All my house clothes are like the clothes that were really comfortable, but then they get like grease stains on them so you can't wear them outside the house.
Speaker 2:So you just wear them at home, and then I'm like how did I become this person and the crazy thing is for me who, like I, can have sex every day. I'm looking at you every single day. I'm like, yeah, it's going down. You was at the gym today and I was like, yeah, it's going down. This afternoon, right after this recording.
Speaker 1:Pierre stop.
Speaker 2:But what I'm saying is like so in my mind, I'm going to bed, I'm brushing my teeth, mouthwash, put some lotion on, make sure I look good, Flex a little bit. I look good, flex a little bit.
Speaker 1:Stuff like that yeah, you guys are ready to go.
Speaker 2:I get in the bed and I'm kind of like, okay, let me see how she comes out. You come out. You're peeling off your eyelashes.
Speaker 1:And, like ladies, you know the heat, heatless rollers now that are really popular.
Speaker 2:Your eyebrows are just gone. They'll be back. I have no eyebrows, they'll be back tomorrow. You got on painting clothes, you know, and then you walk out saying, oh, I'm so bloated, or so I'm like, yeah, I read all the signs, this ain't it's not happening tonight and I'm like, yeah, all right, good night, love you, down boy. All right, good night, love you, down, boy, down.
Speaker 1:How many times do you say that in this episode, I can't breathe? It's so true, though, of, like man, I ate something, and my stomach is so mad.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like and that's a real thing. Like in our marriage y'all, I've had some digestive issues.
Speaker 2:Like sometimes my stomach is not ready for the situation that's what I'm saying and I just have to tell you, like, bro, it's not happening. Yeah, you'll come out the bathroom with some beat-up sweater and you're like, man, my stomach is wild.
Speaker 1:I'm like, oh, okay, I'm gonna pee my pants, but I will be honest with you. If you would have asked me three hours before, I'd have been like tonight's going down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's right.
Speaker 1:But it is all the things that factor that leads up to it. So I think it's one of the things we talked about with your sister about like scheduling sex, which we've never really really done that. Pause, my sister was on an episode that sounded so off.
Speaker 2:My sister's not walking us through our sex life. We had them as the episode as as with your sister. Yes, they were here and we were all just talking about everybody.
Speaker 1:She was talking about it with her husband yeah, you got how they.
Speaker 2:You gotta set those up properly I know I'm sorry I didn't do it.
Speaker 1:I'm still learning anyways so scheduling sex, I think could be super helpful. Um, and then I know that you do this and you did a lot when our son was younger. You would really come in like I was a stay-at-home mom with him for a few years.
Speaker 1:You would really come home from work and really take him off of my hands and that would give me time to like take a shower to feel clean to put myself together to brush my teeth, to clean up the kitchen so that when it was bedtime for us or that we were ready to relax and he was asleep, I felt like I had a little me time. I always had a stash of chocolate somewhere so I could have a little treat like that I didn't have to share with you or our son. So like things like that that husbands can do to help take that mental load of us, off of us, like it can change y'all's you know percentage of activity If y'all do it correctly.
Speaker 2:That's crazy. Pause real quick. Hey, I want to take a moment and say if you guys are enjoying these conversations, you guys already know go ahead and hit that like button If you are watching this on YouTube, your likes are very much so appreciated, you guys are very much so appreciated yeah.
Speaker 2:I wanted to make that sound really long winded, and so I'm saying that to say you guys know, man, just hit that like button, even if you haven't subscribed yet. What are you waiting for? You know, most of our viewership actually comes from people who haven't committed to subscribe yet, and so we're just crazy, stop hiding, jump in, jump in with us, like we like digging. We want to get to know who you guys are. If you're listening to this on Apple or on Spotify or any other audio podcast platforms, if you wouldn't mind, just, hey, hit the five star right, hit that five star leave us a little review, also speaking of Corinthians.
Speaker 2:If you haven't been able to realize yet, I'm rocking this fire hat right now. You guys see this hat I'm rocking. So this is actually our new collection. It's the new life collection. So you see it, it has the cross and it says old and it says new. So this is based off of second Corinthians, chapter five and 17. This means anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The old life is gone and the new life is here. So we just dropped this. So you're going to see the links. They're available in the description. We'll make sure the links are everywhere for you guys to jump in on this.
Speaker 2:And so this is the testimony of every single person who believes in God, who believes in Jesus and what he's done for you. This is our story, whether you've been saved for years, whether you just got saved. This is a great conversation starter. You can tell people about your story. You could tell them who you were and who you are now. We also got a t-shirt. I'm gonna pull the t-shirt out right now real quick this t-shirt right here is fire, so it's fire right here.
Speaker 2:So it represents the let's dig crew right there, hey, so, as you can see it right there, one makes you guys can see, you guys can see that. So it's the same thing. It's from the new life collection, all right. Second Corinthians, matter of fact, the back Ooh, you're going to love the back. The back, it's your story, all right. So even if you forget the scripture right there, second Corinthians, this means everyone who belongs to Christ. Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. All right, the old life is gone and the new life is here. So all my believers, stand up and tell somebody what God has done for you. So I want to encourage you guys. If you guys wouldn't mind, partner up with us. Buy one, buy two, buy them for your kids. They are oversized, they are dope. You could crop them too. I'm about to crop a few of them too as well.
Speaker 2:Get this right now. Settlemont, please join us in this. But, more importantly, let's not be ashamed of the gospel and let's proclaim the truth Amen.
Speaker 1:Amen, I just had to do that plug right now because, man, we're so pumped. Thank you so much. It's fire, bro. I love, I love this new life collection and I'm really hyped about it. I can't wait to get some of my own and crop them too.
Speaker 2:Yes, sir, yes, sir, man, we love this topic. Man, honestly, I think, look like I want to encourage all my husbands to honestly humble yourself first. Humble yourself Really, give yourself to your wife. Think about how can I satisfy her not just in the bed, but actually just in life in general. Let's pursue to make her happy. Let's not just change or let's not just chase sex right, sex is a beautiful gift for us, but, more importantly, start asking your wife hey, what are things that I can take off your plate throughout the day, throughout the week, so that at the end of the day or in the morning time that we could really think about when's the best time for us to have sex? You know we talked about in that episode with our family that it's beautiful to schedule sex. Sometimes you guys can have an agreement, talk about when we're going to have it, put it in the calendar plan for it. Like you know what I mean, I just want to encourage all my guys out there Listen, don't just take sex from your wife just because her body belongs to you.
Speaker 2:This thumbnail was not clickbait. Yes, her body is yours and your body is hers as well. But out of honor and respect to our wife. We want to make sure that we are caring for her. Shame on those. I encourage you to actually have conversations with your wife. Talk about initiating, talk about what are things that I can do throughout the day as a husband, that by the end of the day, you actually want to have sex, like I know for me there's things I'll do all day long where I'm touching on you Right, loving on you Like first of all, because that satisfies you, just like you read right now, right, my goal is to chase you and to please you and to satisfy you, and my hope is obviously, by the end of the day, what do I get out of this? I get some good sex out of this, too, as well, but more importantly, you feel love, like you know what I mean. That's my encourage to all my husbands out there, like if you guys got any questions, like, hit us up no-transcript.
Speaker 1:He's not going to even initiate the sex because he knows his wife is not going to tell him no. So I just want to make it clear for all the YouTuber commenter people that are crazy and don't listen to the conversation.
Speaker 2:I just wanted to make it clear for them, yeah, and my mind didn't even go there because, for me, I know that you will never withhold sex from me, right, so I know that I can come in the bedroom and know I can get sex Right, or I can get sex from you, right, knowing that you're not saying no, right? So, yeah, I'm not talking about assaulting my wife. Shame on those guys that do that. And I know it's embarrassing too to even know that there might be women out there that actually can't even talk about that, right, because it's such a debatable topic of just like well, you guys are married, like, and people might use a scripture, right?
Speaker 1:And that's not what that scripture means. And you still have to have permission from your wife, yes, to have access to that. Like that's like. That's never okay. And there are women that have unfortunately had to go through marriages where that was a part of their life and I can't imagine what that would be like.
Speaker 1:So, but in the confines of a healthy marriage, I do want to say to wives your number one way of encouraging this connection and this emotional connection is to give your husband respect and honor. If they feel respected and honored and you are building them up, you are using your words of affirmation, you are serving them outside of the bedroom, I promise you it will increase your chances of getting the affection that you're looking for. Because I know ladies, we're different. We're not walking around wanting sex every day, all the time. It's a different thing for us. But what we do want is love, what we do want is care.
Speaker 1:And when we give our husbands respect and honor and build them up and say you know what, baby, you're doing a great job doing this, or thank you for providing for our family, thank you for holding our family together, thank you for all these things, when you build them up in that way they return, speak softer to you, they're kinder to you, they treat you in a different way, with loving, like approach, and so I know that we have the power to change how they treat us. And so if we want that, um, and sometimes yeah, sometimes I'm not looking for like sex that day, I'm actually just looking for physical touch of like, just hug me, just be gentle with me, just snuggle, like those type of things. That's kind of what women walk through, or maybe it's words of affirmation. Maybe every woman wants something different, but in how we pour into our husbands is how they will pour into us. So as you serve your spouse, they will serve you, and that means in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so good. And I also think too for everybody, like every married couple, like, do better at humbling yourself. So, like for me, I'm like, okay, she hasn't initiated in a few days, what I'm not going to do is be all passive, aggressive. Fine, I'm not going to do nothing, I'm just going to throw little jabs here and there, like Like find the right moments, not when things are heated, not when things are in a bad time, like over lunch, over dinner, over dessert, and say, hey, babe, can we talk? You know, like it's just been a little awkward right now with in the category of sex between us have those type of conversations.
Speaker 2:We did it the other night, literally a few nights ago. I was like I feel like it's been me initiating the last few weeks, like let's talk about that. And we had conversations and then we made it clear like talk about, list things, list the things that can help give cues to your spouse that you are desiring sex. So then, even if you're not initiating that night, I did things throughout the day, letting you know that I want it, but I'm not going to just jump in bed and say get it or take it, like I gave cues throughout the day, letting you know like I desire this and filling your tank up. So I think people need to start having conversations. Like you know, most relationships and marriages fell in the conversations that never took place, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And even out of that conversation, we were able to identify like oh yeah, this is a different season. I just became fully self-employed for the first time ever and my brain is so consumed with work, learning new things, working and hustling, and I'm like, yeah, that's why I'm so sorry, like that is, my brain has been so preoccupied of trying to make it work as an entrepreneur and self-employed that it does take my energy and I didn't even realize that I hadn't initiated that whole time. And so, um, I just I think that marriages and sex life it really does go in ebb and flows. When you have a kid after you had a kid, the kid's not sleeping with, like, there's so many things that impact it, and so it takes responsibility from both parties to know like, oh, we are in a different season, okay, so this may feel a little wonky for the next few weeks, or, hey, this is feeling off, let's talk about it.
Speaker 1:Because then, once we talked about it, then you understood where my mind was preoccupied with. And then I understood like, oh, yeah, I have been slipping a little bit on that like, and then I'll make up the difference the next night. I'd be like, bro, if you don't come to bed right now. You're missing your window. I'm about to fall asleep and I was like and then you didn't wear the muumuu that night and I put on lotion because you really like fragrances.
Speaker 1:So I did something that you told me helped you.
Speaker 2:I, I was like hey, when you put on the lotions, you light that candle, you don't come out the bathroom say oh my gosh, my stomach like bruh listen and ladies, if your stomach doesn't be acting up, listen, make good decisions, because I know sometimes I'll be like I won't chance it because I want action to happen later.
Speaker 1:So I will not take the milkshake or I will not have a bowl of cereal, because I don't want my stomach to be mad at me.
Speaker 2:And for us, we've just made comments to each other of like the cues that turn it on and the cues that turn it off, right, so I'm like, hey, so when you do this and you say this and you say this, you say this, yo, it's a straight turn off. And'm like, so just be conscious of coming out of the bathroom saying like, oh, my gosh, my stomach, okay, gosh. I'm like wow, okay. Or like you know what I mean. Or for me it's like going to bed, or you're not having to force me to come to bed, like you said last night. You made it very clear.
Speaker 1:I made it.
Speaker 2:You was like babe, come to bed. I was like enough said I got the cue have this conversation another 10 minutes it was.
Speaker 2:I had to brush and mouthwash all that stuff, put on the creams and lotion and lube up and all that stuff, or they're simple things of like. I say I love it when you put on lotion before bed, right, because I'm all about smells like. So there's smells that turn it on and then some smells that turn it off. Okay, so what I'm saying is y'all just need to learn to have better conversations. Make the comments, humble yourself, put yourself in a place where you're vulnerable, listen. Don't just endure, don't just tough it out. You will 100% regret it that you didn't have those conversations. Just have them right now, man.
Speaker 2:So I think, overall, I love this topic. It's a conversation, as you guys can see, we are currently having. We're still talking about it. We're quoting ourselves from just a few days ago, right of it, when we're in the bedroom, like and it's going down really talking about that's the foreplay, what does that look like? Like you know, in those moments we're not going to get all vulgar, talking about positions and things like that, but at the end of the day, we really want to talk about what does it look like to respect and on each other while having sex?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so y'all stay tuned. This is a whole series that's been getting put together Like organically. It wasn't like we set out to do this as a series, but they're all kind of falling in line together, and so we really really are passionate about marriages and mostly that's because that's what God has healed us and how God has healed us. He has healed our marriage, and so the reason that we started Backup let's Take was because we said we cannot hold this to ourselves. God has done so much in our marriage and we really, really want to share and to sow into other marriages, and so we hope that this encourages you.
Speaker 1:We hope that this is helping you have conversations and, if it's you sending this to your spouse so that, hey, I listened to this podcast today. Can you listen to it so we can talk about it over dinner tomorrow night or lunch today or whatever it looks like. But we hope that these episodes really encourage you to have those conversations. It gives you a way to open up these conversations and that it mostly impacts your marriage for the better, because God designed the union of a husband and a wife to be the strongest union and it blesses people. It creates more people literally children and it affects the world in such a positive way and it really gives glory to God because it makes us better humans, it makes us holier, it makes us more complete and it draws us closer to the Lord because, to be truthful y'all, we can not build a marriage without the Lord between it. So we hope that this has really encouraged you guys. We want to hear from you.
Speaker 1:Comment down below. We are always in the comments talking back to y'all, um, so even when we get the twisted comments. So we love y'all, keep digging.
