Questions We've Never Asked Before | Transforming Relationships Through Questions and Reflection

Can asking the right questions truly transform your relationship? Join us for an eye-opening episode where we challenge our assumptions and biases with a little red box from "We Are Not Really Strangers." As our kids play in the background, we share our humorous initial impressions and the surprising traits that piqued our interest before dating. Through laughter and candid moments, we illustrate how targeted questions can unlock deeper understanding and connection between partners.

Expressing difficult emotions without causing conflict is a delicate art, and we'll share our journey of navigating feelings of disrespect while fostering open dialogue. We also delve into the unrecognized superpowers of affection and gentleness, especially when one hasn't experienced such an upbringing. Our heartfelt reflections highlight the growth and adjustments we've made in our pursuit of a loving family environment. Wrapping up the episode, we discuss our commitment to continual improvement, express gratitude for our listeners, and acknowledge the balancing act of managing summer schedules. Join us on this path of self-discovery and relational growth.


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Chapters

• 0:00 In-Depth Relationship Questions for Couples
• 11:50 Communication and Superpowers
• 17:14 Deepening Relationship Through Reflection

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

What's up, guys? Okay, so you see this little red box right here Came in the other day and I just saw this box just sitting on the counter. I'm like what is this? Danny Lee, like to order random stuff? I do Also. I'm just going to say this Today's a different day for us.

Speaker 2: 0:17

Today's a different day.

Speaker 1: 0:17

We have our kids here that are in the living room Jordan's over here playing Xbox. Brooklyn is Brooklyn, come here. Brooklyn's over here. There she is in my camera shot. Okay, all right. Okay, all right. So we got this box here. Look, buddy, why are you so nosy? What do you want to say? Hi, okay, come say hi to the camera right there. That one right over there.

Speaker 2: 0:38

That one, that's right over here.

Speaker 1: 0:39

All right, we're going to step into this box right here. Okay, oh my gosh, that camera over there guys. In the middle, Okay look at that Say hi everybody, team Light Skin. Okay now, hey, okay Go play.

Speaker 2: 0:49

Go do what you were doing, Okay.

Speaker 1: 0:50

B move. All right, so we got this. Okay, so we have this little box right here we're going. We've never asked each other ever before. Right now, on, let's Dig the Podcast. Shout out to all of our new subscribers, Shout out to everybody that's been joining us on this journey all these last couple of years. You guys know we've gone through so many different things over these last couple of years and God has restored us, and so we want to enlighten you guys and share with you guys things that we've learned in our relationship that can strengthen other people. But what is this right here?

Speaker 2: 1:29

So this is from. We Are, are not really strangers is the company that makes these questions. So these are questions. They range from level one, level two, level three, okay, and um, it's a really cool way to just talk about who you are and what you are. Um, this little pamphlet here kind of tells you the synopsis of how to do it, but basically it was saying like you change, even when you are in a relationship. Over time you change, and so they're like keep asking these questions because the answers will change as you grow, as your life changes. And then it really just encourages you to be honest, not saying what your partner thinks they know about you, but like if your partner answers the question incorrectly, like answer them so that you can enlighten them on what the actual answer would be.

Speaker 1: 2:09

And before we go any further, let me say this hey, hold on. I guess we should have gave the kids a disclaimer hey guys, brooklyn, hey, don't touch that light, don't touch that light. And guys, mommy and daddy, we're walk through here. Can you walk on the other side of the camera? Let's exercise that real quick. Let's practice that.

Speaker 2: 2:25

Everybody walk outside the camera. No, if you need to walk.

Speaker 1: 2:27

Walk on that side Other side Other way Go that way, there you go.

Speaker 2: 2:31

Go behind the camera. There you go. So that's the way you guys go.

Speaker 1: 2:37

No, you don't need to act. We got 20 minutes. We're going to do this in real quick, all right. So if you guys need to walk, sorry guys, let's dig. Crew, we should have. We should have had this conversation with the kids before, okay. So, brooklyn, don't walk in front of the camera right here, cause mommy and daddy's recording. Okay, love you. Is that a heart? Yes, go ahead, all right.

Speaker 2: 2:53

Okay, all right, you ready. So first we're going to just pick a card from the level one. I'm going to just go in deep, like in the middle all right, what we got okay okay, all right, so I'm gonna ask a question. You're gonna answer about me, so what assumption did you make about me that turned out to be right?

Speaker 1: 3:16

that's actually a really good one oh, okay, oh, I guess we should have read some of these say that I was gonna say we did not.

Speaker 2: 3:22

We didn't read any of these questions, y'all. So it's completely. What do they call that? Like whammy, where it's just random. Okay, what assumption did you make about me? That turned out to be right.

Speaker 1: 3:34

I was like oh, this girl likes black guys.

Speaker 2: 3:38

What? How did you make that assumption of me when you met me?

Speaker 1: 3:42

You had that little like you just had a little twang on you. That's wild, because I was not even talking to any black guys, you just broke up with your boyfriend too, like a year before that, and he was country, he was.

Speaker 2: 3:55

Tennessee, white dude so, but I had dated one black guy in high school. That was it.

Speaker 1: 4:00

Yeah, so that was my assumption. Was I right, or was I?

Speaker 2: 4:03

I mean, yeah, you were right.

Speaker 1: 4:04

Okay, it is my yeah, alright go ahead, pick your card. We gotta keep it PG, cause we got the kids here.

Speaker 2: 4:09

I know, pick your card. No, no, no, not three. Oh, okay, you have to start one and go up your levels.

Speaker 1: 4:14

Okay, let's go Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Okay, so this is level one Perception.

Speaker 2: 4:18

I'm nervous, okay, feeling very. I feel very on the spot.

Speaker 1: 4:21

What about me most intrigued you before we started dating? So what about me most intrigued you before we started dating?

Speaker 2: 4:34

I feel like it was a little bit that like you were more quiet in the background, like usually, I kind of like the guys that are more like outgoing center of attention loud once they walk into the room dancing with me.

Speaker 2: 4:51

Like yes, like I usually am attracted to those guys and you are not that you are more. Like you were standing on the back of the wall in the hall, like you kind of chilled, you were very incognito and you didn't give me like the energy that I wanted. Like I asked you all those questions the first time we met and you just gave me one word answers.

Speaker 1: 5:12

And I was like what is it?

Speaker 2: 5:14

about this guy.

Speaker 1: 5:14

There you go. The loudest person in the room is typically like repelling to me. So the louder you got, the further. I was like nope, nope, nope. And I was so loud, guys, I was so loud. Jordan, you like, you like? Are you enjoying this right now?

Speaker 2: 5:31

so our 10 year old son is just went and got some graham crackers and turned his chair to look at us to watch the let's dig show you enjoying this right now all right, your turn okay, my turn. Okay, this is. This is level two. We're just going to go straight through.

Speaker 1: 5:45

Level two All right, baby.

Speaker 2: 5:48

All right oh.

Speaker 1: 5:51

We got.

Speaker 2: 5:52

What have you been extra sensitive to lately?

Speaker 1: 5:58

Oh oh. We got to keep this rated PG because last night there was something that was mad sensitive. I was like dang right.

Speaker 2: 6:05

What.

Speaker 1: 6:10

I was like dang, that's crazy.

Speaker 2: 6:12

Oh my gosh, my face is as red as these cards right now.

Speaker 1: 6:17

Okay.

Speaker 2: 6:18

Do you need me to read again? What have I Go ahead. That's funny because it's such a man response because when I read this I thought I read automatically like emotionally sensitive, or what have I done to you to like, maybe offend you or upset you, like I thought that, but of course, as a man you thought the other way. So what have you been extra sensitive to lately?

Speaker 1: 6:39

Yeah, I, that was the answer.

Speaker 2: 6:44

She's playing music. That was the answer she's playing music.

Speaker 1: 6:46

That was the answer, man. All right, yeah, all right.

Speaker 2: 6:49

Okay, bigger card.

Speaker 1: 6:51

Level two Okay, level two, all right. Connection, okay, connection, all right. What's one small thing I do that tells you everything you need to know about me? What is one small thing I do that tells you everything you need to know about me? What is one small thing I do that tells you everything you need to know about me?

Speaker 2: 7:11

That is a really hard question, but I would say, like, just your communication. Even though you don't do it as fast as I want you to, or you don't tell me when I want you to, I do know that eventually you will tell me your mind. Or, like the other day, you had a few days where you were like around a lot of people like six, seven days in a row and I was concerned for you. I was like are you okay? Do you need a breather? What can I do for you? Like are you sure you're okay? But you were like I'm okay, I'm tired, but I'm okay. And if I'm not okay, I would tell you. And I knew you were right, you would tell me if you were not okay. So it's your communication. It does stress me out that you don't tell me like when I want it or how soon I want it, but you do tell me and I do have peace, knowing like no, he'll tell me when he needs me yeah yeah, that's cool okay that's cool.

Speaker 2: 8:09

Level three now I'm real that was a good. Those were good questions.

Speaker 1: 8:12

Level two was good. Okay, I'm not even mad at this little game, this little exercise right now.

Speaker 2: 8:16

So just so everybody knows actually a viewer sent me these questions and said that they thought we would love doing these questions.

Speaker 1: 8:24

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:24

But there's a bunch of different versions and they actually have really dope merch too. That's cool. So we'll put the website underneath our video in the description that we're not really strangers, but they have. This is couples edition they have family edition. They have a bunch of different ones and again dope merch and pause real quick.

Speaker 1: 8:43

I'm just going to take a moment right now to say, uh, if you're liking this video, guys hit that like button. We are so honored that you joined us here today on let's dig the podcast. We've been loving these conversations. We've been loving these moments. As you guys can see, today must be the family edition and not connections for relationships and marriages because the kids are here. Like, this is a TV show, guys, don't even try to get in the shot right now. Okay, relax. Hey, we love you guys. So if you're liking this video right now, if you're liking this channel right, hit, like, hit, subscribe. If you listen to this on Apple, if you listen to this on Spotify, we want to encourage you. If you wouldn't mind, rate, put a five star or honestly tell us how you really feel.

Speaker 2: 9:22

If it's a one star, then I guess give us a one star, we'll take it. That's fine, we'll take the constructive feedback. Okay, all right.

Speaker 1: 9:39

This one is in your opinion, how am I holding myself back the most? In my opinion, you're asking how are you holding yourself back the most? I think it's you overthinking.

Speaker 2: 9:44

That's true. I've been overthinking a lot lately.

Speaker 1: 9:46

I think you overthink so much sometimes, babe, to where like it's too late, or you end up having to regret saying, man, I should have done this earlier.

Speaker 2: 9:54

And that's so hard. Like you said it to me a few weeks ago and I said did you tell me that because you thought I was overthinking? And eventually you said yes, but it's hard to explain that when I'm overthinking, people that overthink don't know they're overthinking Right. Like I don't know that I'm thinking too hard about it or I'm making it more complicated than it is. Like I genuinely think that I am doing what I need to do. I'm thinking through all the options, I'm weighing my positives and negatives, my pros and cons, like all that stuff. I don't realize that it's overthinking. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 10:30

That's what I think. That's a good one. Okay, pull number three. That's a good one. Okay, pull number three. All right, number three, all right, let's go. Okay, I think we can. We can go all day with this.

Speaker 2: 10:37

This is actually really great.

Speaker 1: 10:39

Level three reflection. Okay, reflection. What would you tell yourself on our first day If you had the chance? What would you tell yourself on our first date If you had the chance?

Speaker 2: 10:57

I would say that this man's gonna change your life yeah, like I would tell myself like this is the one because you actually told yourself on our second date stop calling me.

Speaker 1: 11:07

You told me to stop calling you. You said this wasn't gonna work out. Yeah, oh, we told you guys the story. Like we told y'all the story already, like that's what you said.

Speaker 2: 11:17

I did. That's crazy, huh, it is really crazy. That's crazy, Okay do you want to do, let's do two more All right two more. Let's do. You can pick whatever you want. I'm going to pick two. All right, go ahead. Sorry. Right to be clear, okay, what feelings are hard for you to communicate to me? How can I make it easier?

Speaker 1: 11:40

can we I? Love can we use any passes no like, can I skip?

Speaker 2: 11:44

because it has the word feelings. Can I? Say skip pass next question it's because it has the word feelings in it.

Speaker 1: 11:50

Okay, say it won't ever be what feelings are hard for you to communicate to me yeah, um, I think one of the feelings that's hard for me to communicate to you is when I'm feeling disrespected oh, okay like there's times where we've talked about this, where I feel like you owe me an apology because for something that you did or something that you misunderstood or overlooked, and you took it out on me and it actually wasn't me and you were wrong and you took forever, you went up and around the hill you know you went down the yellow brick road and up through the woods and all that stuff to grandma mama's house, just to tell me I'm sorry and for like it's a form of disrespect because to me I'm like man, you were wrong, because if the tables would turn I would say right away, and for me it's a hard thing to talk about, babe, because sometimes I'm sitting there, I'm just like man.

Speaker 1: 12:47

How do I tell her this is on her, without her blown up on me and me coming off like I'm sensitive. So I think that's one of the feelings that's really hard for me to really express sometimes, of like dang, like I felt, like that was disrespectful.

Speaker 2: 13:00

So what? So? The second part of that question is how can I make it easier?

Speaker 1: 13:04

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:08

Hmm.

Speaker 1: 13:10

That's a good question.

Speaker 2: 13:12

That's a really good question.

Speaker 1: 13:13

That's deep, huh.

Speaker 2: 13:14

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:15

Yeah, I think how you can make it easier is just learning to accept, like whether you're right or wrong, knowing that I won't look down on you.

Speaker 2: 13:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:26

Cause I think there's some times, babe, I feel like you're ready to fight me because you're trying to prove, or you're embarrassed, that you were wrong and you're trying to fight, and so to me I'm like it's hard for me to come at, come at you from a humble perspective of just like babe, like if it's me like I'll say I'm sorry, but those times already come at it, knowing that, okay, I was wrong. So then that allows me to say, like you're good, babe.

Speaker 2: 13:51

It's really making my wheels turn Like I'm really thinking about it. It's really good. I'll try to do better.

Speaker 1: 13:58

Yeah, yeah, that's crazy how long we been going on this right now. How much, how much time we been.

Speaker 2: 14:04

Just a few minutes.

Speaker 1: 14:06

Oh man, I feel like, like I feel like we're going deep right now. Guys hey, I'm about to kick you guys out the room.

Speaker 2: 14:11

Guys, hey, I'm about to hey, we're about to do this right now on, let's Dig the Podcast.

Speaker 1: 14:17

All right, all right, if you want to sit right there. I need you guys to shape up.

Speaker 2: 14:22

Ok guys, all right, jordan you're lucky I ain't got a belt on right now. I saw you already fall into the TV.

Speaker 1: 14:28

Okay, see, that's crazy.

Speaker 2: 14:30

And you did it again.

Speaker 1: 14:31

Oh you guys thought. Oh, you guys thought we're not real parents. Oh, you guys thought, like nannies be watching our kids. No, we watching our kids right now. Okay, okay, thank you, brooklyn. All right, okay, what's a superpower of mine that perhaps I'm unaware of?

Speaker 2: 14:51

Oh.

Speaker 1: 14:54

What is a superpower of mine that perhaps I am unaware of?

Speaker 2: 15:02

I don't really know that you're unaware of any of your superpowers.

Speaker 1: 15:06

Enough Brooklyn. That's crazy.

Speaker 2: 15:07

Thank you so much for the Thank. You have a seat. Thank you.

Speaker 1: 15:13

Yeah. Think about that, um man oh yeah, now you want to use passive.

Speaker 2: 15:22

Well, I mean, I'm probably pretty self-aware that's what I'm saying, like you're self-aware of all of your superpowers, but I will say one of the superpowers that maybe not everyone knows about you is how soft and affectionate and gentle you can be with the kids, even though that wasn't your childhood.

Speaker 2: 15:43

Like I sent you a reel a few weeks ago and it was a parent talking about how they didn't grow up in an affectionate household and then they have a family of their own and everybody in the household was affectionate and loving and touching and physical and like. How much of a change that is for someone to have to make that adjustment and that sometimes it does feel overwhelming, even though you've learned to be different. Um, but I think that is a very underestimated not undervalued for me, but maybe for even for you to realize how much of a superpower that is that you have made that adjustment and you've embraced like being affectionate with me and the kids and and being so gentle, like and loving, like that's a superpower when you know how far you've come and what you came from yeah, that's a superpower for you.

Speaker 1: 16:40

It's crazy, it's crazy.

Speaker 2: 16:43

I love you I love you too and I love doing life together.

Speaker 1: 16:46

I love what we get to do um. This is really cool, like these cards. Honestly, don't even intimidate me. Not at all, they're more encouraging.

Speaker 2: 16:55

They're really cool. They really are questions we would never ask each other it gives us an opportunity to connect, an opportunity to reflect.

Speaker 1: 17:00

Yeah. And what's the other one? And I see that I wasn't even paying attention.

Speaker 2: 17:05

We got reflection connection, oh perception.

Speaker 1: 17:09

And perception. Perception is super big. We love you guys. Thank you guys for jumping in. I think we should continue this. Maybe part two, go through a few more of these.

Speaker 2: 17:18

I love it.

Speaker 1: 17:19

And really dig deep, dig deep and give us the opportunity to just see what are some areas in our lives, in our relationship, that we need to take to the next level.

Speaker 2: 17:26

Yeah, I love that. Yeah, all right, we love y'all. Thank you, leadstake crew, for joining us and our children today. Thanks for being patient with us. It's summer and schedules are you know what they are. So here we are and this is all of us, and we love y'all. So, don't forget to like and subscribe and follow for all the good.