It's Our Anniversary! 3 Things You Should Know

Fourteen years ago, we exchanged vows, blissfully unaware that our journey together would be our greatest education in love and identity. Celebrate with us as we unpack the pivotal lessons we've learned throughout our marriage, especially during a year that put our bond to the test. We kick off our anniversary episode with an intimate discussion about the importance of maintaining individual identities in marriage. We reminisce about our early years, our youthful misconceptions, and share how we've navigated the waters of change without losing ourselves or each other in the process.

Dr. Miles Monroe once said that understanding our purpose and calling is essential, and we've taken that to heart in our relationship. This episode takes you through the seasons of life, where we explore how we've kept our identities vibrant and intact. From the symbolism of a car's dashboard warning lights to the recognition of our innate roles and gifts, we talk about staying true to our core selves. Join us as we dig into the nitty-gritty of self-awareness and intentional living, and how these principles have anchored us through the multitude of roles we've played, from partners to professionals.

Communication, the bedrock of any relationship, is under the spotlight as we bring our anniversary episode to a close. We open up about the misunderstandings that arise when financial decisions and personal dreams aren't shared, and the added complexities of navigating these waters in an interracial marriage. Through stories of our own experiences, we highlight the significance of patience, clarity, and persistence in overcoming conflicts. Wrapping things up, we leave you with a message of love, patience, and the pursuit of personal growth, all woven together by our faith and enduring affection for one another.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Maintaining Identity in Marriage
• 7:58 Maintaining Identity Through Life's Seasons
• 18:38 Importance of Communication in Relationships
• 26:45 Building a Strong Foundation in Relationships
• 34:01 Importance of Communication in Relationships

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Today's our 14th year anniversary 14.

Speaker 2: 0:04

It's our anniversary.

Speaker 1: 0:07

That's crazy.

Speaker 2: 0:08

It's wild 14 years.

Speaker 1: 0:10

I do, we do, we look that young y'all.

Speaker 2: 0:13

We got married when we were six and seven years old. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 0:16

For the people that are listening on Apple or Spotify. They're like we can't see you. Go ahead and jump over to YouTube Download, but jump over to YouTube.

Speaker 2: 0:25

Right.

Speaker 1: 0:25

Thank you guys for jumping in this journey with us, for this whole. Let's dig that we would never thought would be back here again. Brute up 14 years today married 14 years strong.

Speaker 2: 0:39

And 10 almost broke us yeah 10 did break us Year number 10 broke us.

Speaker 1: 0:43

It did break us, but we here, baby, better than ever. Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 2: 0:47

That is crazy.

Speaker 1: 0:48

Been through a lot, Been through a lot. Hey, I want to take a moment and just say what's up to everybody. Today is going to be a very special conversation. We're going to share with y'all, honestly, the three biggest things that we wish we would have known before we got married. The three biggest things we wish somebody would have just took us at our little baby cheeks and shook our face and say listen, trust me, trust me, Light skin Well, I wasn't light skinned, but trust me, we smooth. Wait, you remember the do rags and wave caps? Sure did. I had a lot of hair y'all in my head.

Speaker 2: 1:25

You didn't have a lot. Oh well, you had your fro. Well, when you first met, remember, I had the fro. You had your fro.

Speaker 1: 1:29

You didn't have a lot and I cut the fro and I had a head full of waves, that's true. I mean, that was crazy. And then I shaved my head bald one day because I was bored. And then we're here now and I never stopped.

Speaker 2: 1:38

Actually, I loved it, he never looks back, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:40

But yo three things that I wish somebody would have just like beat us over the head with it Beat us over the head with it.

Speaker 2: 1:48

It was like yo, Because we were young and we wouldn't have listened to a lot of people.

Speaker 1: 1:52

Yeah, because we loved each other.

Speaker 2: 1:54

And we felt like we know everything.

Speaker 1: 1:56

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:56

Let's get married.

Speaker 1: 1:58

Yeah, yeah, it's wild 14 years and we're here, baby, let's jump into it honestly, all right. All right, let's dig, let's dig.

Speaker 2: 2:05

Put it in perspective when we got married, I had just turned 23 and you were turning.

Speaker 1: 2:12

I just turned 21, like the next month.

Speaker 2: 2:14

No 22.

Speaker 1: 2:18

Oh 22 the next month.

Speaker 2: 2:19

Yes, the next month you're turning 22. So we were young, we were Bible college graduates, so you were working full-time in ministry already.

Speaker 1: 2:30

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 2:31

So to say we listened to the people around us was true, but we also felt like we knew a lot. We felt like we knew exactly what we were doing. Right, I even said to you earlier I think I thought I was grown up already. I felt that I was done. I knew who Danny Lee was at 23.

Speaker 1: 2:53

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 2:53

And now sitting here at 37,. I laugh at myself. I'm not even close to the same person. I was at 23, not 37. And I know I won't be the same person at 47 that I am sitting here right now today.

Speaker 1: 3:09

So for me it was a little bit opposite. I knew who I was and I was like I was boastful about it, and all these years later I'm just like, oh my gosh, I was so naive and so proud of all of those weaknesses that I bragged about.

Speaker 2: 3:25

You were a little cocky. I'm like I'm very headstrong. You're so true.

Speaker 1: 3:28

Like OK, you idiot, he's talking about what you bragging about you, idiot I know exactly what I want. And now I'm like, well, yeah, you wanted to go down the pits, you wanted to really struggle, right? You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 3:43

So I do wish I knew how many changes there would be for me or how much growing up there was still left for me before I got married. But I would say, if I had to say, ok, here's one thing I really wish I would have known before I got married and that would have been to maintain my identity. At first I had maintained independence and I kept misspeaking. Actually, when we were going over our notes and what we were going to talk about, I kept saying it wrong. I kept saying maintain identity. And then I realized no, independence in a marriage isn't what's the important thing to keep. My identity was the important thing to keep, and I lost that in my marriage. I blended in. I heard so many years of God made man and woman and they created them to be one, which is true, but he also didn't take Danny Lee and create this whole human being with gifts and talents and things that he wanted to use, and then was like OK, marry Pierre and lose all of that.

Speaker 1: 4:51

Lose all of it. So you're saying Lose all of it. So that first one, we're saying Maintain identity, maintain identity. That's actually really good advice that no one gave us when we were young, so we lost ourselves in each other.

Speaker 2: 5:03

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 5:04

Being young, just in love. Straight up, Romeo and Juliet.

Speaker 2: 5:08

We were Yep and we, but we were like the church Romeo and Juliet, like you were already on staff. So I was like oh, pierre's office, like it was a whole thing for us. So we were like church version of Romeo and Juliet.

Speaker 1: 5:22

But like we, we lost ourselves in each other.

Speaker 2: 5:25

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 5:25

You know, and I remember that feeling of being a young couple and having other people that were couples around us and I remember the moment they started dating Like we'd never saw them again. We stopped hanging out All those type of things we lost. We just wanted what each other wanted. You know what I mean. And now I think about I'm like that's stupid.

Speaker 2: 5:44

That was stupid.

Speaker 1: 5:45

That does. That literally doesn't make sense, that we just wanted what each other wanted.

Speaker 2: 5:53

I mean people would say, hey, Danny Lee, are you guys going out to eat with us after church? And I would say, you know who to ask? He's the boss. Can I not say whether I want to go to Chili's or not? I couldn't, because I'd be like, well, just ask Pierre, he's the boss. Like I literally lost.

Speaker 1: 6:08

And I was like that's right, that's true.

Speaker 2: 6:10

You did love that, but you asked her first four. You asked me I'm the boss, right, but I and that's just like a small, like version of it, but it did flow into every aspect of who I was. Every aspect of our marriage. Who I was as a person, I really, I really lost my identity in our marriage.

Speaker 1: 6:34

Yeah, yeah. What do you guys think about that Like? What's your thoughts on that? Maintaining your identity it's not just in marriage, it's not just in dating. I mean, it's in relationships all over the place, right? You know some of us we get new jobs and we lose ourselves, right? We lose ourselves in the vision of the job or where you're working and where you're playing at or where you're serving at, like if you're church, and things like that and you forget that God actually put some things on your heart. God put some things on you, he gave you vision, he gave you gifts, and we get so caught up, right, because we do want to fulfill the visions of those that we're working around or those that we're in relationship with, that we lose ourselves. So it's like what are things that you can do? What's something that you would say to really encourage somebody? Say, okay, here's how you maintain your identity, Because you use I don't know if you realize the term that you're using when it comes to maintaining, that means maintenance.

Speaker 1: 7:32

Yeah, for sure that means weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, annually, quarterly, whatever. It means to go through maintenance through your identity, to make sure that you're still functioning properly. Otherwise, years down the road, like a car, you'll blow up right. It's like your car, you go through that whole maintenance situation, so what's your thoughts on that?

Speaker 2: 7:55

I would say a big. So I talked about this book in a few episodes back. It was the Power and the Identity of a Woman by Dr Miles Monroe, and reading that really, really reignited who I was but, more importantly, who God called me to be, what God put inside of me, what is my purpose, what is my gifting, what is my calling and those will change in seasons. But reminding myself who God says I am more than who I think I am, reminding myself who God says I am more than what people say I am or what job I'm in in that season, I think that is something that women have to work through a lot Of.

Speaker 2: 8:43

Our seasons change a lot If we have kids, our seasons change If we change jobs, our seasons change. If our husband's job changes, our season changes, and so there's just a lot of changes over life. But if I would have reminded myself like no, no, no, this is what God says you are, this is who God says you are, and all these other outside factors can change, but you don't change in the sense of you are a daughter of the King, you are forgiven, you are wonderfully loved, you are wonderfully created, all of those things. If I would have had that deeper foundation and not let the outside factors change me. It would have been a lot easier. So I think that goes back to maintaining that identity, reminding myself who God says I am and not letting my circumstances dictate who I am.

Speaker 1: 9:32

Yeah, so honestly, essentially it sounds like we're saying reminders are the biggest thing to maintenance.

Speaker 2: 9:40

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:41

Right, you look at your car, right dashboards, right. So the other day I took the Jeep to the shop and I was like, oh my gosh, the brake light keeps coming out. I'm like the brake light keeps coming on. So y'all, I take this car to the shop and I'm like I just left the car there for the day. They're like, yeah, buddy, can you leave it? I'm like bruh. The moment they say can you leave it, I'm like all right.

Speaker 2: 10:02

I'm looking to it. It's not good, it's not looking too good.

Speaker 1: 10:04

I already know that. So I'm like, man, you might as well keep this month, because I already know what y'all gonna say when y'all call me back. Y'all gonna say it's a bunch of money. So the guy calls you back in a few hours and you say, hey, it's your sensor, the sensor that tells you that the brake needs to be repaired or that your tire pressure is low. He said it's faulty and that needs to be replaced.

Speaker 2: 10:25

Which is so crazy.

Speaker 1: 10:26

It's crazy, it's crazy, so I'm like it's actually not even your brakes. That's what he's telling me. It's not your brakes, it's the sensor that indicates that your brakes need to be maintained or checked or repaired. Of course, you know what I said. I said how much he's like it's gonna be 430 or like 450. I was like, yeah, you know what?

Speaker 2: 10:46

For the sensor. Yeah, oh yeah, I never even told you. You did not tell me.

Speaker 1: 10:50

That's how much I was like. You know what. I'm coming to pick up the car right now. I can sense when the brakes aren't working. I said I'll know, so don't take my advice on this, but apply this to when it comes to maintaining our identity and marriage in relationship. Anytime that I've gone through a situation where I was really frustrated with life or frustrated with where I was, it had nothing to do with the people around me. It had nothing to do with you. It had nothing to do with my employees. It had nothing to do with business partners and people that I'm in collaboration with. It all had to do with for me, it all had to do with the times. I just forgot my purpose and what I was doing.

Speaker 2: 11:33

So true.

Speaker 1: 11:33

So maintaining identity in your relationships through every season, remembering who you are. And we talked about this in one of our episodes Balance and Boundaries. If you haven't heard it, go back and check it. Go, check it out. We could tag it here somewhere. Or go through all of our videos, go through all of the podcasts and find it. It's called Balance and Boundaries just crafting balance right and boundaries in your relationships. And so we talked about that, about understanding the seasons that we're in. If you're a palm tree, there's gonna be some seasons you're doing real good. But knowing your identity as a palm tree, knowing that the seasons when you're not doing good, know who you are, know that it's not your time Some of you guys who are realtors, you understand how that works. There are the seasons oh, things are popping off, like you're getting sales, you're doing house visits, you got showings, all this stuff you're selling, selling. And there's other seasons, like Christmas, not looking too good for you, right?

Speaker 2: 12:33

Market is dry because no one knows during Christmas right.

Speaker 1: 12:36

It's dry, but if you're in retail, christmas is popping, it's your season, baby. Yeah, could you imagine you being a realtor and being frustrated during your dry season because things aren't working out as it is and you're looking at the retailers and saying, man, but they're doing good. It's understanding your identity, understanding your lane, understanding who you were called to be, understanding the gifts that you have, understanding the tools that were given to you specifically. So, as Danily talks about this, I love that how you say reminders, reminding yourself buffers right, checking your dashboard, having different things in your life that are indicators to tell you that's not your lane, that's not who you are.

Speaker 1: 13:17

Or knowing your lane in our relationship. It's you knowing like, hey, that's just not who I am. We've had to face that in our relationship because early on in our marriage, I got really frustrated with you because you weren't doing the things that I thought you should be doing as a wife and you was always trying to hit this benchmark. That was always moving, the goalpost was always moving because you lost your original identity. Could you imagine if you knew just who you were and being self-aware to say that's not gonna happen.

Speaker 1: 13:46

That's just not who I am and I'm not saying that from a stubborn place. I'm not saying that because I'm hard headed and I don't want to learn new things. I'm telling you, by nature I am not wired like that. These are the things that I do bring to the table. So, maintaining identity I think if somebody would have told us that so many years ago, we wouldn't have gone through the things that we've gone through. If we would have understand like, hey, don't lose yourself in this relationship, 100%. Don't lose yourself in this job. Don't lose yourself in this business. Don't lose yourself in your friendships. Don't just be going left and right because everybody in your circle it's like the classic stain of look. If everybody jumped off the cliff would you jump too.

Speaker 1: 14:24

Right, and some people be like well, if everybody's doing I guess I'm doing it. Well, you're going straight up die. Talk about losing yourself, right, but understanding what you have in your hand, I wish we would have known that when we got into this relationship at an early age.

Speaker 2: 14:40

Yeah, it would have made a big difference. And even as you're talking about losing yourself in those jobs, like, I can even empathize with that of sitting at a job and being like why am I here? What happened? And you would literally say like, babe, you forgot why you're there. Did you forget what you're doing there? Like you're not there for that, you're there for something else, you're there for this, you know. Like remembering, reminding yourself of why I'm here, what am I doing? And so, with your relationships, reminding yourself who you are, why am I in this relationship? Because I do believe this is the person that God's brought into my life and that we will be able to do certain ministry things or certain things together. We make each other stronger, and that God will get glorified out of a relationship. But to do that, I have to remain and maintain my identity.

Speaker 1: 15:33

And now for, from a word from our sponsors, the local law enforcement. You guys know where city people we live out in the city, and so there's just always just sirens in our episodes I don't know somebody's dying or someone's getting lost. We live close to the hospital, so there's always fire trucks and ambulances Fire station is right here too, the police station it's all down here. So I think there's some more coming too.

Speaker 2: 15:55

So where's the chopper Cause? There is a helicopter that comes as well.

Speaker 1: 15:59

I know there's a chopper right there. Okay, it looks like they're still coming. I'm gonna take this moment to pause real quick. Wait let's let them finish, okay.

Speaker 2: 16:08

I was gonna say, if you like these episodes and you feel like you are getting fed and you are being stretched and you're growing and you're just really enjoying these conversations with me and Pierre want you to like, subscribe, comment on our videos and send this to someone. Make sure you join our community. That's on Instagram, facebook, tiktok we're on all of them, so jump over there, but make sure you click the bell and subscribe.

Speaker 1: 16:36

Yeah, and talk back with us too.

Speaker 2: 16:37

So if there's yes, we want to hear from you.

Speaker 1: 16:39

If there's topics or things that you've heard us say that you like, man, I really enjoy that. Oh, can you guys elaborate on that? Like we want to know, like is this adding value? Like is it really hitting the mark for you? So share that. All right, let's keep moving, Okay. Okay. So we said art maintain.

Speaker 2: 16:53

Maintain identity.

Speaker 1: 16:54

The second one, I would say um it's understanding that communication is key.

Speaker 2: 17:03

Ooh communication. We could talk about that one for hours.

Speaker 1: 17:07

Communication is key to everything. Even maintaining identity is communicating properly, our identity, understanding our boundaries. Right communication is literally the key to get you through every situation, every single door that we're going through, where people say, hey, you know, divorce has happened and people break up because of money. I think it's actually the communication of money. True, I think it's the misunderstanding of money, the two not talking about how do you perceive money, how do I perceive money? And let's now, let's talk about it.

Speaker 1: 17:45

I used to use this scenario for an example. Let's say, tonight I'm hanging out with my friends after church and you know, you guys, we come home, like with the kids, and the guys text me. It's like yo, we're going to grab some burgers or we're going to go eat. And I was like you, cool, if I go eat, cool, I can ask, okay, cool. Then I told them yes, all right, so there's that. But then we show up and we go out to eat and now the bill comes and the bill is $200, $300. And I'm feeling all jolly in my heart. You know, it's better to be a giver and not a taker and I want to be generous. I say, you know what, guys, it's on me. I go ahead and say boom, $300, right here, I'll pay for everybody. So now Dan and Lee, now tomorrow.

Speaker 2: 18:25

This is hypothetical. By the way, this is hypothetical right Because we've always communicated very well.

Speaker 1: 18:29

Tomorrow, Dan Lee looks at this.

Speaker 2: 18:31

Wait, you just said because we've always communicated very well.

Speaker 1: 18:34

We've always communicated very well in this topic. In this topic, okay, in this subject. You look at the big statement and you're like 300 bucks at McDonald's, well, let's find something else At Applebee's. Here we go, chili's At Chili's. Or for all the California people, in and out, right, first of all, 300 bucks at in and out. What'd you guys eat Y'all?

Speaker 2: 18:56

went in on them burgers.

Speaker 1: 18:57

They wild. Y'all went in on them double doubles, double doubles, all right. She looks at it and I said well, I felt on my heart to pay for everyone. God put it on my heart. So now she's going to be sitting here thinking like is she going to be mad at God or mad at me? She's going to be frustrated with me, you Because I never communicated to her ahead of time. So now some people say, man, you never know what to do with money. You always this with money, always this, never that. But really, ultimately, it's because there's never been communication about it.

Speaker 2: 19:24

So true.

Speaker 1: 19:24

Understanding that Communication is key for everything. I mean even for us chasing our dreams. At a young age, like when we got together, I used to always share with you, and I'd always communicate with you, the things that I'm passionate about.

Speaker 2: 19:38

It's true, and what you saw for yourself and what I saw for myself In your career.

Speaker 1: 19:41

Yeah, with my career and being a musician, I wanted to travel, I wanted to tour, I wanted to do these things and we were very young. None of that stuff happened for 10 to 10 plus 15 years.

Speaker 2: 19:50

And then people would ask me how do you do it when he's on the road? And I would say, like I just? He always told me it's what he wanted, it's his dream, and so I knew that's what I was signing up for.

Speaker 1: 20:01

Yeah, when we got married, so I used to communicate that and I get it. Some of y'all are listening to this and saying like, well, I don't know, I don't really know what I want to do yet, and it's not fair because I can't communicate. And here's what I would say when it comes to communication, like with the people that you are in serious relationship with, I would say this all the time as soon as you start thinking it, start sharing it.

Speaker 2: 20:23

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 20:23

Now with everybody, right Now, with your enemies, now with your haters, not with those that are against you and aren't for you. I'm talking with those that you fully trust, that you could be accountable to and vulnerable with, and you could be vulnerable with Right, that I could sit down with you and say, hey. So I have this thought, been thinking about it for a few days, and I just thought it's time for me to share it with you. Communication is key, because what you're not going to do is, years down the road, you buy that boat or do something random. You know, I've always wanted to buy a boat, or I've always wanted to start a business, or I've always wanted to do this, and your partner that's in your life is saying always since when you never told me Rick.

Speaker 1: 21:03

You never told me.

Speaker 2: 21:05

You know, I was sitting with a group of girls a few months ago and it was me and three other girls. Another one of the girls was married to someone outside of her race as well, and the friend asked For you two who married outside of your race, what is the hardest thing about that and being in an interracial couple? And my first thing was communication. It is one of the hardest things because we grew up in such different areas of the country, in such different cultures, such different backgrounds. Communication has been one of the hardest things for us to figure out. I grew up in Midwest America, where a lot of things are said that are implied. You grew up in South Florida, in a Haitian community where a lot of your family members were learning English for the first time so words were very verbatim.

Speaker 1: 22:04

And you don't assume everyone understands things the way that you understand it. And so we never did that, because so we always communicate like what do you mean or what are you trying to say by that?

Speaker 2: 22:14

And I think naturally to East coasters, new Yorkers, east coasters, they are just very I don't know if blunt is the right word, but very.

Speaker 1: 22:23

I mean very straight talk.

Speaker 2: 22:24

Straight forward.

Speaker 1: 22:25

So like I'm, not trying to say anything. What I was trying to say is exactly what I said.

Speaker 2: 22:28

As Caucasians in the middle of America, we be around the bush Boy. You'd be so confusing.

Speaker 1: 22:34

Like all the time, like what are you implying on? What are you trying to say? What I'm trying to say or is, like every time we get into arguments, right?

Speaker 2: 22:40

We've talked about this.

Speaker 1: 22:41

Sorry, I can't say arguments to all you Christian people, Whenever we get into heated intense times of fellowship. The heated, intense fellowship moments.

Speaker 2: 22:50

No, y'all, we fight. We are very open about that. We fight for this right.

Speaker 1: 22:55

Anytime we get into those moments like I'd have to ask them, like, what are you trying to say? And the next day she'll come back and say, I guess what I was trying to say, right? Typically I never say that, cause I'm like no. I said what I was trying to say.

Speaker 2: 23:07

Actually, that's frustrating. When we talk, when we have an argument, or not even an argument, when I don't comprehend what he's saying, he refuses to say it a different way.

Speaker 1: 23:17

Like chat GPT.

Speaker 2: 23:18

There's no other way to say it. I'm like there is obviously a different way to say it and what you're saying is not comprehending to me.

Speaker 1: 23:25

Say it a different way, I'm like chat GPT we've assessed, we've processed and this is the best form that this thing could be communicated there is no other way to say it.

Speaker 2: 23:33

This guy is such a computer. There is no other way to say it, Literally say it three times around. He's like there's no better way to say it and I'm like we'll try, because it's not working.

Speaker 1: 23:43

There's no other way to say it. It's so stubborn. I've assessed and it's the best form of saying it. But communication is key. It's so important in our relationship and I know somebody said that to us because we did go through pre-marital counseling.

Speaker 2: 23:57

We got married.

Speaker 1: 23:58

We did that, but not to have the emphasized moment of like listen. Most of the time when you guys will get frustrated about anything, it's because there is a breakdown in communication. When it comes to communication, there are two sides of it. There's the communicate tour and there's the communicate T. Right, there's the person that's saying it, and there's the person that's receiving it and us understanding that we receive things differently and we say things differently so understanding that right.

Speaker 1: 24:28

And then there's also all the nonverbals when it comes to communication. Communication nonverbally, that's key. All forms of communication is so important.

Speaker 2: 24:36

Most of our frustration at it in our earlier stages was that True, and it's still a touch to your point, like when you walk around the house and you breathe heavy. It like stresses me out.

Speaker 1: 24:48

Right.

Speaker 2: 24:48

Because it's a nonverbal communication of something I grew up with and so I automatically think you're mad and you're like. I'm just breathing, I'm like, but why are you breathing so?

Speaker 1: 24:59

loudly Because my Apple Watch is making me go through breathing tests.

Speaker 2: 25:04

I'm like well, it feels like you're mad and that I did something wrong.

Speaker 1: 25:07

So I'm chilling, just breathing. I'm gonna get my heart rate right.

Speaker 2: 25:10

So communication in verbal and nonverbal. I wish that someone would have helped us learn better earlier, like broke that down for us. They told us, they told love languages and that communication aspect, but they didn't really. I don't think we even knew at that point how differently you spoke and how differently I received and vice versa.

Speaker 1: 25:37

Yeah, yeah. So that's so interesting, so and so interesting. Are we ready to jump into the third one?

Speaker 2: 25:43

Third one let's do it.

Speaker 1: 25:45

All right, the third one. So, last but not least, probably the most important thing out of everything that I wish somebody would have Emphasized to us and I know it's been told to us right but I'm gonna say To fully establish your foundation Fully established, like what you built your relationship on fully Establish why are you here, fully established, everything that it took to build that foundation right? Because there's gonna be times in your relationships Some of the pillars will be broken. Some of the things that were compartments in your relationship. It will be destroyed.

Speaker 1: 26:27

Yeah but if the foundation is solid, you can rebuild anything else on top of that having a rebuild foundation. We had to do that and it was hard, it was hard. It straight up, broke us. It's the. It was the hardest thing in our relationship of like. You know what Like? What do you even believe?

Speaker 2: 26:45

I think our foundation really got built on us being that Bible college couple and that it was built a lot around you being in ministry.

Speaker 1: 26:55

Yeah that, and I think it's also like just the whole American dream type of thing you just think like me, think about it. How many times in life that we think like okay, we are behind in life, right?

Speaker 2: 27:08

Because we haven't bought a house, yet as we only had one kid after four years and then we didn't have another kid for another six years, like it's. All those factors. Yeah that play into what we thought we were chasing for, but in reality, we didn't establish like, hey, this is why we're getting together, this is why we believe this is what God's called a studio and that all those other outside factors were not foundation. Right, they're just outside factors. They're things that we may attain as we go, but that's not why we're doing this.

Speaker 1: 27:42

Yeah, foundation is so key, man, like I think it's the biggest thing, like you know, understanding, like moral values, understanding, like why we doing this, we don't do this because that's just what people do, right, like that's, that's messed up, you know, and in your foundation for us, we establish at an early stage that God would be the center of everything that we do that was there for sure, and I think it's the only reason why we're still here today.

Speaker 1: 28:11

That's why we still here, you know, cuz some people say, above everything, you know what you should have. Make sure you keep love, make sure you keep romance, kim. Yeah, all all that stuff is gonna come in and out because of your relationship, because of the season that you're in, but I'm here to tell you the Bible says that and we know this that God is love is love.

Speaker 1: 28:28

So it's not just love that we needed in our relationship, it was God that we needed our relationship. It was God and in love. You guys know the classic Bible Chapter. Okay, for those of you that don't that, I don't know where to find this in first Corinthians, chapter 13, 13, right, that's the classic love, the chapter of love in the Bible.

Speaker 1: 28:50

Go and find it, get yourself a Bible, open up that Bible app, google it first. Corinthians, chapter 13, and talks about, above everything, man. Love is so important that God is love, and in love Is everything out. Matter of fact, I got my Bible right here.

Speaker 1: 29:05

Let's pull it up. We're gonna. We're gonna pull it out right now, but I do a little Bible study. Those you there watching on YouTube, right, and then for those that are reading a closed caption, right here, it's my Bob right here. I already went ahead and tagged it, little bookmarker. I love this man, like love is patient, because some people would say like, oh, you need to have patience in Marriage, yeah, you need to have love right you know um and these are characteristics of yeah.

Speaker 1: 29:32

Yeah, it says that you need to be, you know like, you need to have respect and kindness and you need to have love. That's all it is. So it says love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. I be having to work on that sometimes because sometimes, depending on where I am in my life, I be rude to you sometimes.

Speaker 2: 29:54

Aw, thank you for saying that.

Speaker 1: 29:56

Yeah, and because love is constantly flowing through me, I'm able to check it and I'm able to come back and say I love you or put my hand around you or cuddle you or kiss you or do a little nice act of service. Yeah, you know what I mean. It said it does not demand on its own way. Some of us are manipulating the people that we are in relationship with right. It doesn't demand its own way. It's not irritable. It's not irritable. Dan Lee had to work on that boy, because the amount of times you just it's not my fault, you be- so irritable Totally every 28 days I'm like you see, that's not my fault, See, that's messed up, we're not going to have that conversation.

Speaker 1: 30:33

It's true. It's not fair to me that women, you guys, can just it's not our fault either.

Speaker 2: 30:38

It's actually Eve's fault. Let's just lie it down right there.

Speaker 1: 30:42

You're telling me, once a month you just get out a kindness card. You just get to just be irritated and just be like I'm sorry. It's just that time of the month.

Speaker 2: 30:52

We're really sexy that it feels like they change, but in actuality it's us that changes, we just can't help it. But that's really frustrating because it really feels like it's all you changing and I'm still the same.

Speaker 1: 31:05

I'm still the same. That's all you and the chemicals inside your body.

Speaker 2: 31:08

It's not fair. That's messed up.

Speaker 1: 31:10

Go back to love All right, and it says it does not rejoice about injustice, but it rejoices when the truth wins. Love never gives up. Right here, right 1 Corinthians 13, chapter 13, verse 7. Love never gives up, it never loses faith and is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance. It's good. So when we talk about love, when we talk about the foundations in your marriage, in your relationships, and you're saying, man, we should just let's make one of love like one of our core values, or fully understand what love is.

Speaker 1: 31:55

Love doesn't give up, love endures throughout the hardest times. And for us we decided to say, man, god will be the foundation of everything in our relationship and, honestly, not even just in our marriage, just anything that I do, we do it out of love. So if I'm a part of something, if I'm part of a project, organization, a group or anything like that, if I entered with it with love, then I have to apply all these things. I'm going to endure Right Tough circumstances, not give up, not going to be irritable, and so those are the three biggest things, man, but that foundation part right there. I mean I know we said it last, but that's the most important thing that I wish that when we were younger, we would have actually read through this more.

Speaker 2: 32:40

Or like just dug deeper.

Speaker 1: 32:42

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 32:43

Like I'm so grateful God was a part of our foundation and it's true we wouldn't be sitting here today without him in that foundation. I just wish we would have dug a little deeper and clarified hey, here's our foundation, and that when life circumstances get hard, when seasons get rough, when we go through changes personally on each side, that we could go back and say, hey, don't forget when we said, I do, these were our foundations, and the foundations weren't to have kids or to buy a house or to get a car or to make a lot of money, like none of those were the foundations. I wish that we would have dug deeper and said this is the foundation and that's it, period, like nothing else. Yeah, and whatever comes along with that and whatever God blesses us with down the road and whatever that looks like, we'll be so grateful and thankful, but at the end of the day, this is the foundation. This is why we're doing this.

Speaker 1: 33:42

This is why we're doing it. I want to encourage you guys to continue to dig in your relationships. Continue to dig in every situation that you're in right now in your life, like apply these factors right, maintain your identity, don't forget who you are. Don't forget why you did what you did. Don't forget why you said yes to your relationship Right.

Speaker 1: 34:01

And that second one was communication is key. You need to apply communication, like if you're thinking it, find those that you trust and share it with them. Don't wait to assign for you to make a move. Pull the trigger that you finally verbalize. Communication is key. It allows other people to come alongside you. Share with them your flaws, share with them your weaknesses right. Find the people that you trust and communicate those things. That third one is establish a strong foundation For us. Our foundation is in God, and God is love. That's the biggest thing. We love patience. It's all the good things, man. And so I want to encourage you guys to continue to keep digging, continue to keep finding the goal and find jamming. We're going to do it too.

Speaker 2: 34:43

Let's keep digging I love you. Happy anniversary.

Speaker 1: 34:47

I love you.